Whew! Last night’s Vanderpump Rules was packed full of drama, wrapped in Stariana’s delusion, and doused with the warm flat remains of Tom Schwartz‘s Coors Light after he passed out in some random person’s house.
Lisa Vanderpump will be working to stop Yulin forever. To accomplish her goal of replacing all people in the world with dogs she requires each SURvian to own at least one canine. Even James Kennedy, who gets left out of everything, is not exempt. And guess what – to demonstrate what a topsy-turvy world this is, his dog is the cutest. The only exception is Scheana Marie, who has a cat. Because Scheana is more of a pariah than even James, and obviously has to own a me-centric animal (true confession I am a cat person).
Everyone meets at Vanderpump Dogs to put a temporary tattoo on their face and get a photo with their pooch, then post it on Instagram. Including James. Whose firing is the talk of the pound as he strolls through the door with Raquel Leviss by his side.
Tonight Vanderpump Rules returns after it’s holiday hiatus. And I am ready for it!
Last time we saw this crew of geriatric bartenders and former bartenders, James Kennedy was sobbing over being fired by Lisa Vanderpump for fat shaming Katie Maloney. It’s a sick, sad world indeed when Katie is allowed to give ultimatums and Lisa capitulates. However, it seems like Lisa she realized the error of her ways. I mean, nobody really wants to put Katie Jong-Un in charge of anything!
So, nothing really happened on last night’s Vanderpump Rules except that James Kennedy got fired and Brittany Cartwright made goopy neon orange sauce from stale beer, gourmet cheese, and ranch dressing. BECAUSE NO ONE HAS EVER DISCOVERED THE SPLENDORS OF BEER CHEESE.
James can’t eat beer cheese though because he’s given up alcohol for the 300th time. That, my friend, is a blessing in disguise. I have tasted this mythic beer goop that only comes from the bosom of mammaw’s Kentucky paws, you know, and meh.
RIP to Lala Kent and James Kennedy’s friendship. It seemed like they were just in a rift last season on Vanderpump Rules. However, Lala has declared (plenty of times) that she is done with their friendship. It seems pretty permanent this time. Lala has been calling out James for his antics every chance she gets. This is especially convenient since Season 7 is all about everyone hating on James. This is so ironic since they are just giving him more screentime.
Now, Lala is close with James’ ex-best friend Logan Noh. You know, the guy who told Brittany Cartwright’s sister that he was in love with James and they had been hooking up. James always denied this. You also might remember Logan as the innocent bystander during Lala and James’ infamous pasta-fueled fight.
This season of Vanderpump Rules is everyone vs. James Kennedy and everyone vs. James and Raquel Leviss by default. James and Lala Kent’s friendship is over for good. Now, his former bestie is telling everyone where the bodies are buried. Apparently, those bodies are buried in the Los Angeles clubs.
There’s been a lot of speculation about James cheating on Raquel. Last season, Logan Noh claimed that they hooked up. Then, Hope said that they had sex in the kitchen while Raquel was asleep in the next room at Coachella. Now, Lala says she’s seen James cheat with her own eyes.
Lala Kent and Randall Emmett used to be extremely private about their romance. He was in the process of getting divorced. She was the new girl on Vanderpump Rules. Her costars investigated and overanalyzed her private life on a very public TV show. Overall, it just wasn’t the best combination for a pair to be low key.
Now that the ink is dry on his divorce, Lala is done referring to Randall as “my man” and being vague about their romance. Oh how far they’ve come. Currently they are so proud of their relationship and they want everyone to know. They even celebrated with a big engagement party.
At this point, it feels like there are 9252526237 cast members on Vanderpump Rules. From the full-time cast members to the friends of the cast to temporary love interests, there are just a lot of people to keep track of.
One person who has been there for a lot of the Vanderpump Rules drama is Jesse Montana. A lot of people are probably saying “Who!?” He first appeared on Vanderpump Rules during Season 4. He has never been a full-time cast member, but he has some personal insight on some of the show’s most infamous moments.
The relationship dynamic between Lala Kent and James Kennedy is very complicated. They were best friends, they’ve hooked up, and now they’re enemies. Lala wants nothing to do with the self-proclaimed White Kanye these days.
After James criticized her relationship with Randall Emmett and made fun of his personal appearance, Lala said she was done with him. They argued “about pasta.” After that, they made up, but it was only temporary. James offended Lala for the last time when they were at Coachella. He told Randall, “We all know each other inside and out if you know what I mean.” Lala was actually done after that. So is there any hope for their friendship? It sure doesn’t seem like it.