Lorenzo Lamas

On last night’s Second Wives Club, a gobsmacked Veronika Obeng continued to wrestle over what to do with her marriage, Shawna Craig was the girl who cried broke and couldn’t afford more head shots, and Tania Mehra tried repair all the relationships she sunk.

In Katie Cazrola‘s world, she refuses to be Walter’s trophy wife, because she actually wants to be his sugar mama! Walter is on board with this: he’ll sit home tinkering on his piano with big dreams of making it in music, while Katie runs two successful businesses and pays the bills.

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On last night’s Second Wives Club, everything was chaos and everyone could have benefited from Shawna Craig‘s weed candy stash.

Shiva Safai may be 33 years younger than Mohamed but that doesn’t mean she’s immature. Shiva moved to L.A. at 19; her brothers soon followed, so she’s spent the ensuing years mothering them and desperately steering them out of the arms of overly-sexy hoochies. It’s a constant battle. Her brother Shayan especially has difficulty meeting a lady of appropriate means, so Shiva volunteers to fix him up with a girl who isn’t too sexy – someone more like herself: caring, maternal, gold digging, perfect.

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Last night’s Second Wives Club was all about miscommunication. Like, was the boat supposed to be a yacht? Is owning a nail salon worse than being an Instagram model? Is “junky” a compliment? Does “single” on Facebook mean single in real life? Oh the quandaries to ponder!

Tania Mehra is “busy” “planning” her wedding. Sometimes. No one is sure if this wedding is an actual thing or some sort of figment of Tania’s imagination where pigs fly on wings of diamonds and dinghies sail to Cannes with P. Diddy on  board. To keep up the pretense, Tania invites some of the girls to a tasting of potential wedding food. Katie Cazrola‘s appetite is lost by sitting next to Morisa Surrey‘s constant chatter. Like, can a Pisces eat fish or is that cannibalism? Is a farmed salmon still a real salmon?

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Last night on Second Wives Club, Shiva Safai continued to mother this unwieldy herd better than she wrangles her own swans. And she did so all while wearing couture in Harpers Bazaar. She may not have the wedding ring, but she literally has everything else – including the love.

Shiva and Mohamed are featured on the cover of Harpers Bazaar Interiors and that’s your daily pretty. On the other side of the spectrum, Veronika Obeng‘s life is imploding before a computer screen in a badly-lit office, where she suspects her husband Dr. Michael Obeng is cheating. Last week, Veronika made her much-fruitful life seem like a perpetual conjugal bliss of reproduction and building the chin plant king of Beverly Hills’ empire, this week she paints a more tawdry picture. We went from Monet to Grant Wood’s American Gothic.

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Last night was the series premiere of Second Wives Club, a show that is kind of like Housewives except the women are bonafide trophy wives who are barely old enough to drink. So far, I think the show is kinda fun.

The show opens with Shiva Safai, who we have all met before courtesy of Mohamed Hadid, accessory many a Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills drama, father of Gigi and Bella, and gifter of Lisa Vanderpump‘s swans. Oh, Mohamed was also married to Yolanda Foster, before she became Foster, although now she’s back to Hadid. But I am SO not here to talk about Yolanda. I have done that to Lymes and beyond.

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