This week’s Love After Lockup was filled with engagement rings and cringeworthy public spectacles weddings, but not a happily ever after moment in sight. But there was crack! Yes, CRACK. (As in: is whack.) And I think I can speak for most of us when I say, Clint WTF are you doing, you fool? Take your Clint Bucks and run back home to Mama Clint before you are literally murdered in a hotel room!!! Sigh. Methinks Clint is not long for this world.
Before we spiral into the Clint and Tracie wormhole, let’s check in with our other couples, starting with Caitlin and Matt. Caitlin is growing restless at Mama Matt’s house, watching her fresh-outta-prison fiance laze around drinking beers and wacking weeds like he’s the Prodigal Prince.
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Along with a vast knowledge of reality shows and an interest in the crazy antics of their stars, we need people who are reliable and have great communication.
Specifically, we are looking for writers who have weekday and daytime availability along with a quick turnaround time for breaking news. However, we will consider writers with other availabilities as well.
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So much reality TV, so little time. We are thankful for DVR since there are a lot of time conflicts with some reality TV great shows. Check out our reality TV listings of shows to watch this week!
Again, we must congratulate the stalwart production team of Love After Lockup for going where no man has gone before – specifically, the inside of Clint’s head. Last night gave us more intimate/gaggy moments with ex-inmates, deranged explanations and excuses from two-timing players (looking at you, Michael!), troubling family reunions, and a three-way in the making. Hoorah!
We have a rather large garbage barge of floating debris to wade through from the last Love After Lockup episode. So, let’s get to it, starting with Scott and Lizzie.On their first official “date,” Lizzie reveals her classy side by double fisting drinks and slurping oysters. She even reminded Scott that he ain’t never gonna get any because she’s a woman of God now.
Speaking of sad sacks on Love After Lockup, let’s check in with Scott and Lizzie! They’re still at the Hampton 8 chilling in separate rooms, but Lizzie thinks it’s time for a makeover. Not for her – nope! She’s perfect in her own mind. Lizzie wants to pull a Queer Eye for the Toothless Guy on Scott. And she feels very qualified for the job since she was in cosmetology school in prison – even though she got kicked out for heroin. As one does.
Before we recap the wonder that was Love After Lockup this week, let’s offer three cheers and some antibiotics to the brave camera crews who captured this “release day” footage. These hardy souls not only stood by while fresh-out-of-prison folk tongue kissed their lovahs for the first time. Nay! They ventured into woods to record full on sexytimes on dirt piles. I ask you: Can it get any better than this? Hurrah!
Speaking of dirt pile sex, let’s begin with Caitlin and Matt, who cannot wait one more second to jump each other’s bones, so they pull off into the woods to do the deed. This is how you get Lyme’s Disease, but Caitlin calls it the best sex she’s ever had, and Matt is happy he has a girl who doesn’t care about the odd lost tooth or poison sumac up her bum. #SoulMates
WEtv is serving up some serious stank with the season two crew of Love After Lockup, and this Friday night’s show gave us another overflowing-dumptruck-claw of the garbage TV we need in our lives. Mmmm. Smells like 90 day old chicken.
Last week, Lizzie was released from prison, running into the open arms of Scott and knocking one of his 7 teeth to the ground. This week, we pick up with Lizzie’s ride home, which features an all expenses paid shopping spree at the gas station. And we thought fairytales were just for storybooks. Bah!
If we thought Love After Lockup’s premiere episode for Season Two was insane, then we had no idea what WEtv had up its sleeve. Because this week’s Love After Lockup was even better. By better, I mean crazier, messier, and even more whack. Everything we’re looking for in our favorite trash TV show!
Last week, we met three couples plus a thrupple. Yep, one of this season’s inmates, Michael, has TWO women on the outside waiting for him. Neither woman knows the other exists, which will make for an extremely interesting release day. Before we get to this epic disaster, let’s review the progression/regression of events in everyone else’s tale of prison romance.
