Last night, the Real Housewives Of Dallas traveled to Careyes, Mexico to visit Kary Brittingham‘s amazing family resort. Unfortunately, LeeAnne Locken forgot to pack her positivity panties and instead was like the human equivalent of having a yeast infection on vaycay. LeeAnne should’ve stay-away-cayed so Kameron Westcott could’ve fit another grande bago on the plane instead.
It’s just a casual morning here in Dallas, where our favorite Housewives are preparing for their day. Most people stumble to the coffee pot, but Kameron is perfectly coiffed with her eyelashes affixed, and is calmly blowing up a whoopee cushion then inviting Court to sit down. Kameron apparently didn’t know what a whoopee cushion is because she made a face like Court shoved a K-Cup up his hoo-hah during an impromptu pageant amongst friends in a private home. Class, Court, Claaaaaaays.
Meanwhile, Travis Hollman just got Housewiv’d! No, that’s not what he calls having sex with Stephanie Hollman. It’s when one receives an ultimate arrogant social slight. In this case, D’Andra Simmons stands Travis up for a business meeting, because her hair was getting did all night. D’Andra never even bothered to tell Travis directly that she needed to reschedule. Instead, she texted Stephanie at 1:30 am to cancel because she had a hair emergency. Suuuuper profesh, Daaandra!
Tonight is the first cast trip for this season’s Real Housewives Of Dallas, and the ladies are going all out to newbie Kary Brittingham‘s fabulous Mexican resort. I mean, seriously, the luxury on this show parallels only RHOBH – and I LOVE it!
However before these ladies play hard, they must work hard. Or, hardly! D’Andra Simmons‘ company is floundering so Stephanie Hollman arranges for D’Andra to meet with Travis for some advice in how to save Green Miracle.
Most Real Housewives of Dallas viewers were surprised that LeeAnne Locken and Brandi Redmond are on good terms at the start of Season 4. What a turnaround from the Season 3 reunion. In contrast, no one was surprised that LeeAnne and D’Andra Simmons were still feuding
LeeAnne and Brandi keep talking about how they reconnected at “friend’s baby shower” in January. Well, let’s break down that fourth wall: the “friend” was actually Andy Cohen. If only D’Andra was there to celebrate at the Real Housewives-filled baby shower. Maybe she and LeeAnne could have made amends as well. However, she had a legit reason for skipping the party.
On last night’s Real Housewives Of Dallas D’Andra Simmons celebrated her 50th birthday by asking all her friends to make fun of her on national TV. Then she got a big box of donuts for a present. To each their own, I suppose!
Here in Dallas we don’t just do squats. We electrocute our gluteus muscles with electrodes attached to every part of our bodies while we “sim-u-late” a 1987 Curves workout. Well, this is what Stephanie Hollman and Kameron Westcott are doing instead of hitting the gym and getting CoolSculpting. It’s called “90/20.” It goes through the motions of a 90 minute exercise while you wear some biomedical lab catsuit which is supposed to deeply sculpt all your muscles in 2o minutes.
Doing this gives Stephanie more time to eat corn nuts or pickles off Travis‘ chest. Or you know, whatever. It’s also been a great opportunity for Steph and Kam to bond away from the group and all the drama of D’Andra and LeeAnne Locken.
On tonight’s Real Housewives Of Dallas the drama between D’Andra Simmons and LeeAnne Locken continues to escalate when LeeAnne crashes D’Andra’s 50th birthday party roast.
This is all D’Andra’s fault of course, since she was the genius with the idea to host a roast for herself. Which is basically like spending the day with Mama Dee. So maybe this is what D’Andra is used to? She should know better, knowing her friend group!
It’s a new, lighter season of Real Housewives Of Dallas – at least hair follicle-wise! Oh, haha – who am I kidding these ladies still hate each other! Well, LeeAnne Locken and D’Andra Simmons do anyway.
Get ready for another season of LeeAnne and D’Andra battling for title of Queen Bee. LeeAnne even references her pageant past in her tagline, and of course she’s wearing a crown for her wedding. Marrying Rich Emberlin is her crowning achievement after all – right after being the self-proclaimed Philanthropy Hub of Dallas. Did I mention that I love this show?
LeeAnne blames D’Andra for their reconciliation stalling. After all, D’Andra never reached out after the reunion, despite promising that she would after apologizing for saying Rich cheated. Thankfully we did not have to hear a long tearful spiel about LeeAnne’s abandonment issues and her amygdala being hyper-sensitive to false promises, which further degrade her fragile carnie heart, which is all LeeAnne’s mother’s fault for letting the tilt-a-whirl operator babysit her – or some crazy shit that causes one to poop in a bag after ripping your belt off in the name of Jesus. LeeAnne’s trust issues make her see relationships like cotton candy: they look so beautiful and full, but evaporate as soon as she gets too close with her hot air.
Is anyone else as happy as I am to see Real Housewives Of Dallas return for a 4th season?
RHOD may not pull in the most ratings, but it’s a sleeper success. It’s chock-full of a dynamic and dramatic cast predicated on true friendships. This season Cary Deuber was demoted to the friend zone while newbie Kary Brittingham joined the cast as a full-time Housewife.
Can you believe that it is only a little over a week until the premiere of the Real Housewives of Dallas? If you are not watching this show, you should be. While some of the other Real Housewives shows have struggled with storylines and casting, RHOD has built up steam in its first three seasons.
One of the main storylines last season was the collapse of the friendship of LeeAnne Locken and longtime bestie D’Andra Simmons. D’Andra alleged that LeeAnne’s fiancé Rich Emberlin was cheating on her and LeeAnne alleged that D’Andra was having money problems. And that she maybe drank a bit too much sometimes. Unlike some Housewife drama that seems made up for the cameras, the fallout between LeeAnne and D’Andra seemed painful and personal. So, where do things stand between them today?