Not surprisingly, Bravo's favorite potty-mouthed Polish beauty has her take on what happened, and she's never one to hold back. Joanna remains vehemently loyal to Lea and is quick to belittle her fiance's feelings in one breath and then praise him with the next. She's exhausting, no?
"I have reached out to Elsa many times with cards, calls, and flowers that can be verified by florists, and I sent an email to her daughter, who never replied back," Lea maintains.
"The amount of camouflaged and blatant hatred, venom, lies, bitterness, and phoniness that spews out at me each week says more about anyone than I could ever say," Lea adds. "It’s unfortunate you can't go to a party of 'friends' without being a target." Um… welcome to the Real Housewives franchise!
So, while I love reality television, I am so far behind on actual "respected" entertainment. Case in point? I am still trying to catch up on the movies that were up for Oscars in February. I highly recommend Lincoln and Silver Linings Playbook. I know, I know, you've probably already seen them!
That said, last night, I finally watched D'Jango Unchained. Amazing, but I can't stomach Tarantino's caricatures of violence. I also can't handle Jamie Foxx. He's brilliant. He's talented. He made me sob in the theater when I saw Ray. He isJuilliard trained. And then he became a rapper. In my head, he went backwards.
His spiral continues, apparently. Now, Jamie is allegedly dating Cristy Rice from season one of Real Housewives of Miami. The man won an Oscar for gosh's sake. He needs to call up Charlize Theron or Halle Berry (except they're taken…no biggie). Whatever. Nothing shocks me anymore. Maybe Cristy is nicer than she appeared on RHOM. Maybe?
Angelina Jolie had better watch her back! It seems that Brad Pitt may have eyes for another lady…of course, he'll have to fight Andy Cohen for her. For those of you who saw Brad's new World War Z this weekend, you may know who I'm talking about!
Real Housewives of Miami'sMarysol Patton and Mama Elsa appear in the movie's opening montage…unbeknownst to them! The pair appear in a blink-and-you-missed-it whirlwind of television personalities and newscasts.
Andy Cohen makes my heart smile. He does. I think he's honest and funny, and he seems like one of those celebrities that if you approached him at McDonald's, he'd be totally friendly and let you take a picture with him. In my VERY limited experience, those celebrities are few and far between. Terry O' Quinn (John Locke from Lost) is on the nice list. A certain "Show me the money!" Oscar winner who filmed a straight to video flick in my college town after said Oscar win…not so much. Basically, I heart Andy and have aspirations of being the bartender in theWatch What Happens Liveclubhouse. Too much to ask?
The Kind of Bravo recently did a book signing at Georgia Tech in Atlanta for his memoir Most Talkative. While there, he answered questions about gay people on television and his love life. Andy also plays a fabulous round of Marry, Shag, Kill. He's awesome.
What's not to love about Andy Cohen? He's the King of Bravo, he hosts a phenomenally random and funny late night show in a tiny clubhouse, and he penned the hilarious memoir Most Talkative. Let's not forget the fact that he gave us the housewives franchise. What would we have to talk about if not for all of those ladies? Sure he's a horrible reunion host, but nobody's perfect, and he seems to be getting better in my opinion.
Not only is Andy all of these things and more, he's a huge advocate for the gay community. In fact, he was recently named 14th on Out's Power List, which showcases fifty gay men and women who influence the way Americans–and the world–perceive the gay community. RuPaul also made the list in the 50th spot.
It's like a New Year's miracle! Could it be that Real Housewives of Miami'sElsa Patton is getting her own show? Andy Cohen would certainly be all for it. Just think of the craziness draped in fur and subtitles. It's already my new favorite show!
RHOM fans know that despite some unfortunate plastic surgery, Mama Elsa tells it like it is. When she's not threatening drag queens, dancing in caftans, or having psychic visions, she's doling out some pretty down-to-earth advice. She's the Big Ang of Bravo.
Last night was the final episode of Real Housewives of Miami. It went the way all reunions go with cocktail dress clad and overly spray-tanned women screaming at each other over an utterly useless Andy Cohen. We were spared an Elaine Lancaster appearance. We were rewarded with a Mama Elsa appearance. And we all got tired of Ana Quincoces making herself sound silly by taking repeated jabs atLea Black's age.
C'mon now – if you're gonna rip someone apart you have to be clever about it. (See: Leakes, NeNe, "Wigs" "Trashbox" "Close Your Legs To Married Men!") That's just elementary, like Housewives 101.
Things begin with a drama in review. And that unfortunate drama is Joe Francis and Joanna Krupa's reported unsavory past. Joanna clears up that she was never in Girls Gone Wild but instead hosted an infomercial with Snoop Dog. She also insists she did not "sleep" or "associate" with criminals.
Ana leaps in to accuse Lea of bringing Joe to the party as a "prop" to set Joanna up. Lea denies it, shrieking that Ana is making yet another false accusation and suggests Ana stick to cooking where hopefully she can keep her ingredients straighter than her facts. I wish Lea had said ingrediences.
Ana keeps speaking over everyone and answering for them. Annoying. Shht! The drama over the bitchslap, broom stick wielding, boob-exposing meltdown continues. Yes, let's talk about this some more. It was actually a productive conversation. Adriana de Moura apologized for smacking Joanna and she was disgusted for herself for getting physical. Apparently Adriana was depressed for days following the incident.
