Do you have any antibacterial sanitizer left after using it to wipe your screen down last night while watching Little Women: LA? You might want to give it a second cleaning today just to be safe because Matt Ericson [Grundhoffer] slimed that sh*t up something FIERCE. And no, I don’t own that word. Neither does Briana Renee, who needs to take a poll, phone a friend, and use her damn lifeline in order to get a single clue. Because she is not winning at this game.
In Alaska, we pick right up where we left off: with Briana confronting Matt about cheating, and him finally admitting it. Is he thrown off the boat, as he should be? No. He’s allowed to stand there and smirk like the d-bag he is, all the while trying to lay blame at Briana’s feet for tossing him out of the room the night before and threatening divorce. “You’re sick!” screams Briana, which is the understatement of the year.
Let’s just state it plainly: Matt Ericson [Grundhoffer] is THE WORST. And Briana Renee is pathetic. Last night’s Little Women: LA revisited both of these long-held truths as Matt was once again caught cheating, this time with a guest in the very same Alaskan hotel his wife was sleeping in several floors up. Terra Jole is delighted to have the heat taken off of her, given the ridiculous tantrum she had last week over Christy McGinity Gibel existing. But she is at least confronted about her bullying ways before the story shifts entirely in Matt’s disgusting direction. So, are we taking votes on who’s the most vile now? (I will always and forever be casting my vote for Matt’s – it’s a matter of principle at this point! I cannot take him smarming up my damn screen for one more minute!)
We begin by reliving Terra’s meltdown, which no one should really have to witness twice. After Tonya Banks practically tries to tackle her into submission and Jasmine tells her to “calm the f**k down!,” Terra finally stops screaming long enough to get back down the mountain. But she wants to remind everyone that Christy is “FAKE FAKE FAKE!” before she stomps off. No one cares anymore, though. Especially since they know what this is all about: Christy not signing Terra’s book release.
If you watched this week’s Little Women: LA, you’re likely still shaking your head over Terra Jole’s absolute meltdown atop a mountain in Alaska. After realizing her friend group was becoming sick of her antics, Terra responded by flipping the eff out – nearly having to be physically restrained by best friend Tonya Banks. Now Terra wants to explain her behavior – of course justifying all of it as a response to Christy McGinity Gibel’s mere existence!
Terra knows she’s not the most popular person right now, commenting, “This episode is borderline nuts … or maybe I am. Surely my inbox will see more hate mail after this episode and I’m okay with that. Opinions about the show are fun to read until they are hurtful towards your children.”
It’s time for Little Women: LA to take their giant barrel of issues up north – to Alaska! But when the trip Terra Jole arranged suddenly includes her nemesis, Christy McGinity Gibel – per Tonya Banks’ invitation – Terra decides to make everyone’s life miserable. So, business as usual!
But first we begin at Briana Renee and Matt Ericson [Grundhoffer’s] house, where they’re fretting over baby Maverick’s sleep issues. He doesn’t have sleep apnea, but he does need extra oxygen at night – which is tough to do with a clunky mask. Luckily, Briana’s anxiety has lessened. But now she feels bullied by the girls, who almost all piled on her about her – um – funky smell. (Gah! Again, are we really witnessing this nightmare on TV?!?!) Briana says that Terra is the main bully, but the others aren’t far behind. Only Jasmine Sorge has her back. Matt flexes his
douchiness muscles, begging Briana to let him “unleash” on them. “Take the handcuffs off me and let me tell them how it is!” he demands. Briana dumbly shrugs, secretly loving the idea of a Big Matt Attack.
The show may be called Little Women: LA, but these women are never “short” on the drama. My lame joke aside, this week’s episode was just chock full of controversy. Self-anointed queen of the cast Terra Jolé infuriated everyone by asking them to sign releases for her book and using Briana Renee’s favorite word in her title.
These were just the kind of issues that only reality TV stars could have, but that is their reality and they were all taking every word extremely personally. Now Terra is sounding off on the most recent drama.
On this week’s Little Women: LA it’s time for the ladies to attack each other in a mud pit. Which seems a fitting metaphor for their storylines friendships, no? While Terra Jole continues to wave her book releases in everyone’s faces, Briana Renee finds herself pretty much forced to challenge Terra on the name of her book, thanks to Jasmine Sorge’s oddly incessant instigation. She also finds herself accused of poor hygiene again, which I still cannot believe is being put on BLAST on national TV (!!!). But guess who gives absolutely zero f–ks about Terra and her precious book releases? Christy McGinity Gibel, that’s who. She’s had enough of Terra’s messy meddling, so she refuses flat out to sign a release – now or ever. Boom.
Back at the nail salon, Elena Gant and Jasmine are still bickering about why Jasmine is trying to fight Briana’s battles. Yeah, Jasmine, why are you suddenly Briana’s dragon? The irony of Briana wanting to claim the “fierce” title, but relying on others to do the claiming for her is not lost on us. Also not lost on us is the fact that Elena and Jasmine can barely get through this totally manufactured fight without giggling and smirking the entire time. They make up in the end, agreeing to disagree. Because
the network requires it Jasmine is the children’s godmother, after all.
Guess who now owns the word “fierce?” (Well, besides the year 2005.) Terra Jole owns it, dammit! And she makes Briana Renee’s head spin when she reveals on this week’s Little Women: LA that she’s using it in her upcoming book title. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. We are now witness to an argument about who is and is not fierce. Wait – can we abstain from the vote? Or redefine “fierce” as: Without boundaries, self awareness, or the maturity of a fifth grader? Because then, I will gladly get on board.
But last week’s mess still looms large over the group, as Christy McGinity Gibel gets wind of Terra showing her video all around town. As a result, Christy firmly draws a line in the sand, stating that she will not now, nor EVER, sign that book release Terra was waving in front of her face. So Terra will just have to rely on everyone else’s dirt to fill the pages of her “tell-all.” Hmm. It would seem Briana and Matt Ericson [Grundhoffer] could provide sufficient content for a trilogy, so my guess is that she’ll be all set, right?
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Remember a certain video Kim Kardashian leaked back in the day to launch her dubious career? Well apparently, Christy McGinity Gibel made one of those videos too! Except with way less skin, no sex, and a decidedly lower market value. So when Terra Jole decides to bizarrely out this old footage of Christy on this week’s Little Women: LA, Christy is offended – and rightly so, especially when Terra vaguely presents it as some sort of threat if Christy doesn’t sign her book release. Meanwhile, Tonya Banks is not having the best luck, as her dog is stolen, which, on top of the massive meltdown Jasmine Sorge recently had on her, does not make for a great week in Little Boss’s world.
With Penny turning two, Terra and Joe Gnoffo are planning a big party. At home, they prep decorations as Tonya pops in to tell them her dog, Angel, is gone. She cries foul! Someone’s stolen her, says Tonya. But enough on that, as there’s party drama to discuss – drama between Tonya and Jasmine, that is. Tonya still doesn’t know what to do to make things right after Jasmine screamed in her face at her post-launch party. She apologized, so shouldn’t that be enough? As for Briana Renee’s beef with Tonya not including her in the fashion show, nobody cares.
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