No one learned jack squat on last night’s 90 Day Fiance Happily Ever After, but that’s the cost of
catfishing for spouses online doing business, I guess. We were schooled on a few things, however, such as how ridiculously clueless Nicole’s parents actually think she is, why David was too busy purchasing a wife to make time for his children, and just how many drinks it takes before Pedro starts (almost) throwing punches at The Family Chantel. Basically, this show is the education we never knew we needed. So, let’s toss aside the formalities and head right to dimwit school!
Nicole & Azan
Nicole emerges into daylight – which could really be the entire arc of today’s story for her – to meet with her stepdad and mother, Robbalee. May is happy to see other humans who will actually interact with her, and Nicole’s stepdad is happy to have the opportunity to lay the smack down. He can’t believe how much money Nicole has funneled to Azan in the past few years. “She’s making a bad mistake,” says Captain Obvious. “She’s very ignorant.” Um, yep. Thanks in advance for the title of Nicole’s forthcoming unauthorized biography.
Another Sunday night, another 2-hour installment of everyone’s favorite cautionary tale: 90 Day Fiancé Happily Ever After. Tonight’s show takes us on a journey from Nicole’s roach-infested hovel to David’s firehouse apartment (where I’m convinced he’s currently seeking squatter’s rights to avoid paying rent).
Nicole’s parents try to bang some sense into their daughter’s very dense head, but she refuses to budge about her plans to marry Azan in Morocco. Somewhere in Casablanca, windows are being boarded up and locks are being changed as this conversation occurs…
Although the emotional scarring of Annie’s sex speech last week still haunts our nightmares, we shall bravely march forward into the darkness of 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After! This week, The Family Chantel plays full court press against Pedro. David and Annie scratch together five whole bucks for food – and on a heavier note, are shocked by the gun accident David’s son, Jacob, experiences.
The travel alert that Nicole will head back to Morocco to human-traffic Azan back to the States has gone from orange to RED. Azan, by the way, is now only attracted to Nicole 25% – as evidenced by the documents he likely faked to prove his K1 visa was “rejected.” Jorge decides to risk life and limb by moving back into Anfisa’s lair. Molly makes yet another disastrous decision by leaving Kensley in Luis’s care for the weekend, and Paola confesses something to her family that she’s been keeping a secret. But the biggest news of all might be that Annie’s family still expects David will pay them their back-dowry sum of $15k. To that, all I have to say is…BWAHAHAHAHA!
Ask, believe, receive! 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After is back tonight with another 2-hours of catastrophic love affairs gone wrong. Or in Nicole and Azan’s case, not going on at all. After last week’s show revealed that Azan was rejected for his K1 visa, Nicole was left wondering what her next step should be. One suggestion: WASH YOUR HAIR. (Just a thought…)
This week, we check back in with The Family Chantel to see if River and Pedro actually get to fistfight at a cabin in the woods, or if we’ll have to wait another week for the big moment. In the mean time, Mother and Father Chantel will begin building their case for the private investigator they plan to hire to dig into Pedro’s life.
The things we heard last night on 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After can never be unheard. For example, we now know that David’s large ass prevents him from being quiet during sex. And that Annie likes to turn up the volume in the bedroom
Did we need to know these horrific details? No. Is it TLC’s job to freaking hardcore-traumatize us every Sunday night now that our favorite garbage pile show is back on the air? Apparently, YES. But um – are you okay? I’m certainly not okay. Let’s just all take a moment to have a group hug before we move on…
TLC has made Sunday nights great again because 90 Day Fiance Happily Ever After is finally back in rotation. It’s time to sit in front of our TVs each week for two full hours, openly judging the spectacle of crazy laid lovingly out before us. And I could NOT be more excited. Does it take a genius to put this show together? I’m gonna go with “YES, OBVIOUSLY!” because these producers somehow survive everything from an unhinged Anfisa storming straight at them to practically being machete’d to death in the Amazon – all in the name of delivering stellar content season after delightful season. (Just as a reminder, the regular season of 90 Day Fiance is still on its way for 2018 – this “Happily Ever After” series follows couples we’ve seen before in regular 90DF seasons past).
Last night’s season three premiere caught us up with six Americans and six foreigners who previously shared their doomsday love stories with the world. Some got married after going through the K-1 visa process, some never quite made it to the altar, and others barely stayed married for 48 hours before everything went straight to hell. This season’s nutbag couples are: Chantel & Pedro, Paola & Russ, Molly & Luis, Annie & David, Nicole & Azan and Anfisa & Jorge.
Alright, last night’s episode was a delicious two-hour catastrophe previewing the horror show to come, so let’s get to it! Here’s where we find each couple since they last graced us with their presence.
Okay. I’m gonna need a Lisa Rinna adult diaper because I am about to pee myself waiting for the premiere of the one – the ONLY – trainwrecky goodness of the 90 Day Fiance Happily Ever After premiere. Holy Baht-man, you guys. Based on the trailer alone, it looks to be epic.
This season is stacked with cuckoo couples and disaster drama as fresh a a Family Pedro plate of chicken feet. In homage to Mother Chantel, I think we can all agree: It’s about to get a little bit more stupider up in here. And I am totally on board with that.
90 Day Fiance Happily Ever After is back to deliver another season of wall-to-wall drama on TLC May 20th, and as Chantel’s mother says in the explosive trailer, “Things are about to get a little bit more stupider.” All I have to say is: Bring. It. On.
Six couples we’ve come to know throughout their disastrous stories in past seasons of 90 Day Fiance are back to show us
the hellish nightmare of what’s been going on since we last saw them. The roster includes: Chantel & Pedro, Molly & Luis, Annie & David, Paola & Russ, and – the hottest of ALL the messes that were ever messified – Anfisa & Jorge, and Nicole & Azan. Yes, we are in for a rare treat, folks. It’s basically the thunder dome of dysfunctional relationships, and we get a front row seat to the show.