Nicole and Azan

Since we were gifted with a supersized episode of 90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After for last night’s season finale, there’s a lot of dirty, filthy, stinking laundry to unpack. We haven’t quite seen the last of our six very troubled couples since they’ll be back next week and the week after for the Tell All Reunion, parts one and two. But this is possibly the last time the TLC camera crew will catch them in their natural habitats – from warehouses to flophouses to Moroccan sidewalk scenes where Nicole is about to get locked up abroad. Ah, memories.

Given the length of the episode (with many a flashback) – and my desire to not make you read a Moby Dick length recap – I’ve distilled each couples’ story down to their personal highlights reels. Or, um, lowlights – as the case may be. Here we go!

After last week’s epic throwdown between Pedro, Nicole, and THE ENTIRE FAMILY CHANTEL, we deserve to see the horrific aftermath – including the table of food that Pedro karate kicked. Mother Chantel waving around Nicole’s hair extensions while she decries Pedro and his sister as “very bad people!” is just the beginning of what’s to come. Will Chantel threaten to leave Pedro? Will River attack another innocent light fixture? It’s anybody’s guess, really.

Tonight’s three-hour finale will be the last we see of our couples from 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After until the two-part Tell All Reunion begins airing next Sunday. And pssst: Don’t forget that season two of Before The 90 Days is set to premiere Sunday, August 5th! So, we’re all set for Sunday night trainwrecks for the foreseeable future. Phew. (I was panicking there for a second.)

We may have thought this season of 90 Day Fiancé Happily Ever After has gotten as stupid as possible, but like The Family Chantel prophesied: It’s about to get a little bit more stupider. And last night, allllll of the crazies came out to play! It was a jam-packed episode with stink bombs exploding in every direction, so let’s get right to it.

Annie & David

David’s sister Nancy is in town so, naturally, it’s time to hit her up for money. At least that’s what the agenda is in David’s world. He’s also conscripted Annie into making dinner for Sister David, even though it means he has to cough up fifty bucks at the Asian food store for shrimp. Thank goodness he still has Chris’s credit card in that billfold because this fine establishment does NOT trade in water buffalo.

Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme. Both a little scared, neither one prepared…everyone on this freaking show. Okay, it’s not a fairytale, but it does involve some witches, evil spells and even a trip to the magical land of genies! Yes, this week’s 90 Day Fiance Happily Ever After continues its journey into the abyss as a sweaty, grumpy Nicole lands in Morocco with poor little May while Azan rallies as much enthusiasm as he can muster for the marriage he never wanted. Molly flees her own home to escape Luis, Anfisa tries to threaten the truth out of Jorge (um, hint: it ain’t working!), and Chantel decides she still hates Pedro’s sister as much as The Family Chantel hates driving anywhere in separate vehicles.

Annie sinks into a deeper depression about her life with David in the firehouse, and Paola drones on about thirty minutes too long about why she can’t choose between Juan and Russ. Oh, the humanity! Since we have another full two hours of trash to root through, let’s dive right into the pile and begin with Nicole and Azan, shall we? Because they really are at the tippety top of the stank heap.