Season 6 of Vanderpump Rules is truly the gift that keeps on giving. Monday has become my favorite day of the week. I hate to say this, but the cast’s problems get worse and worse and my Mondays just get better and better. Ultimately I want the best for them all and I view them all as friends in my head, but I have to admit that their drama always provides me with premium entertainment.
There is never a filler episode and almost every episode introduces multiple story lines. There is just always so much to dissect and poke fun at. Ariana Madix and Tom Sandoval discussed the podcast drama between Billie Lee and Stassi Schroeder, Scheana Marie’s constant mentions of her now-ex-boyfriend Rob Valletta, James Kennedy’s one-sided flirtation with Lala Kent (in front of his girlfriend Raquel Leviss), and some other Vanderpump Rules hot topics.
Last night’s Vanderpump Rules was a matter of love and death. In the complete and utter trainwreck that is watching Scheana Marie transcend from Stage Five Clinger to total stalker and future subject of Snapped (or her own Lifetime Movie Of The Week). Jax Taylor was literally drowning (*well kinda) but Scheana was drowning in her own delusion and Rob Valetta is not about to be dragged under with her.
Thankfully Rob can swim perfectly, and amazingly, and better than anyone in the whole wide word even Michael Phelps, and he can also save people with his boogey board of life! Just ask Jax!
There was so much relationship dysfunction last night that the thought of looking through a Choose Your Own Designer Vagina catalog seems like the lesser of evils. Yes, that is a thing, but you have to be willing to travel to Thailand to get it installed… Do they make any that are STD resistant?
Oh man, all season on Vanderpump Rules I have really been loving James Kennedy … Until last night, that is! Down goes the Jack Daniels, and James’ decency follows suit. He was a horrible, ATROCIOUS drunken buffoon to Lala Kent and Raquel Leviss when he should have reserved that treatment for Scheana Marie. If only so Rob Valetta could rush in to be knight in shining armor and fix it. I hear he’s good at those sorts of things!
Scheana Marie invited a select group ‘non-assholes’ to Rob’s cabin in Big Bear. After the Toca Madera cheating non-scandal, she’s desperate to prove that some of her non-friends are capable of behaving like decent human beings. Except slim pickings. She can’t invite the Three-Headed SheBeasts who are too busy bedazzling scooters while fake crying apologies after their birthday party breakdowns (plus they started the rumor), so Scheana was forced to choose Jax Taylor and James?! Scheana is a cesspool of failed logic and I really believe all the therapists on this show are being wasted on Jax. Absolutely he is in need, but um… spread the ‘py, because there’s a six car pileup of people needing psychiatric attention.
Most of the people who tuned into the last episode of Vanderpump Rules got some secondhand embarrassment for Stassi Schroeder thanks to her now-ex-boyfriend Patrick Meagher. She admitted that he blocked her on everything so she would not “bother” him during his trip to Amsterdam. Who blocks his girlfriend to enjoy a vacation? The strong personality that we saw for years on this show was getting pushed around by this douche bag with a straggly man bun and it made me uncomfortable. Where was the Stassi that we have watched for years?!
Even worse, Patrick said he didn’t care if she had sex with other guys as long as she didn’t have an emotional connection with them – at her birthday party, surrounded by her close friends and family. Who does that!? Love Stassi or not, it was hard to watch and not be infuriated on her behalf. Thankfully, Stassi was on Watch What Happens Live the same night that Vanderpump Rules episode aired and confirmed that she has a new man in her life.
As much as I loved Stassi Schroeder’s commitment to the murder theme of her birthday party, it was tough not to develop second hand embarrassment watching her storm out of her own event, yelling at her best friends, and leaving them all with the bill.
Thankfully for Stassi, she appeared on Watch What Happens Live on the same night that episode aired, to clear some things up. She didn’t really have an excuse for her behavior, but at least she owned up to it.
I almost have no words for the dysfunction of last night’s Vanderpump Rules. Maybe Stassi Schroeder is aging in reverse. Not in that ‘she looks fabulous way’ of Lisa Vanderpump, but of the OMG – is she really throwing a toddler temper tantrum at her own birthday party. I think I read a Berenstain Bears book about that called “Too Much Birthday.”
Could Stassi and Ariana Madix buy a 2-for-1 therapy session on Groupon? Or maybe Jax Taylor‘s reiki healer can mend the hole in Stassi’s forehead by using her calming touch to transforms it into a halo of happiness. Is that medically possible? Jax and Stassi can skip off into the sunset together happy, at peace, alive! Kristen Doute would lose her soulmate.
Sometimes it’s not all diamonds and rose in Lisa Vanderpump‘s world. Sometimes the fancy parties held in her honor end in tears and the fancy restaurants she owns go up in smoke. Such was the case on last night’s Vanderpump Rules.
Well at least Jax Taylor, errrrr… I mean “Jason” is trying to change his life! HAHAHAHAHA
Lisa is now the Editor In Chief of Beverly Hills Lifestyle Magazine, which I’d always assumed was one of those free magazines, but because this is Beverly Hills that free magazine still is behooving of the fancy of Beverly Hills. Apparently it’s a thing people pay money for, which means Lisa wants a fancy party to celebrate her new position there. Makes sense. What does not make sense is that Lisa puts Stassi Schroeder in charge of said party. Predictably it’s a disaster.
Of all the things that make ZERO sense about Vanderpump Rules, the two that stand out the most are Kristen Doute and Patrick – Stassi Schroeder‘s, Zen For The Douchebag’s Soul, sometimes-boyfriend. Yes, for me, this has overshadowed the tedium of Jax Taylor behaving atrociously and getting away with it. Again.
For instance, why is Kristen going to the opening of James Kennedy‘s See You Next Tuesday DJ gig at SUR? Doesn’t she despise her cretin ex boyfriend with the passion of a thousand disturbed bees? Don’t ALL of them actually hate James?! Hasn’t the hatred of James Kennedy been a storyline for, oh, I dunno – the past 3 seasons?! Apparently Kristen would go to the opening of an envelope, though, and when being on Vanderpump Rules is your only J-O-B…