Last week’s episode of Vanderpump Rules was pretty heated. The countdown to Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright’s wedding is taking forever and on top of that, they hired a (seemingly) homophobic pastor to officiate the ceremony. Once some of his social media posts went public, Brittany denied that he was “that way” during a flashback clip that was shared during last week’s episode.
However, Lisa Vanderpump had a talk with Jax and Brittany about the man and then they left him the dust, asking Lance Bass to officiate instead. Tom Sandoval and Ariana Madix couldn’t believe that it took Jax and Brittany so long to change their decision. Meanwhile, everyone else seemed to be walking on eggshells, afraid to upset their precious Brittany and Jax before their wedding. Apparently, that wasn’t completely the case though, at least according to Stassi Schroeder.
Star of Vanderpump Rules and avoider of all things dramatic, Jax Taylor, had a moment. Viewers are currently enjoying Jax and Brittany Cartwright’s journey to
their first divorce marital bliss. On the last episode, the main topic of conversation was the controversial social media posts Brittany and Jax’s chosen wedding officiant had written. Lisa Vanderpump was horrified and made it her duty to “inform” the happy couple their pastor was not exactly accepting of a homosexual lifestyle. And what would Pump Rules be without every other cast member talking about it as well?
While most disagree with the pastor’s negative statements towards the gay community, Brittany and Jax took a lot of heat for not replacing him sooner. Tom Sandoval was particularly vocal, as he has long been a supporter of LGBTQ rights. Recently, the general manager of Tom Tom and Sandoval’s buddy Max Boyens found himself in the hot seat for sketchy sentiments as well. Yet Tom’s reaction to Max’s past indiscretions were written off as “youthful mistakes”. Jax took to Twitter to share his frustrations, and he did not hold back.
James Kennedy was very much on the outs with the Vanderpump Rules cast during last night’s episode. Peter Madrigal disinvited James from his birthday party in honor of his groomsman spot in Jax Taylor’s wedding. This groomzilla schtick is getting pretty old. And let’s be honest: it is a chore to be in someone’s wedding party. Weirdly, Peter did invite James’ girlfriend Raquel Leviss to the party, but she stayed loyal to her boo and skipped the event, even though James cursed her out on the phone during the previous episode when she missed part of his DJ set at Tom Tom during Pride.
At this point in the season, Lisa Vanderpump is very wary of bringing James back to SUR for his signature See You Next Tuesday DJ event. We all saw him secretly drinking at Pride even though he claimed to be sober that day. Clearly, the guy had a long way to go before getting back in LVP’s good graces professionally. Well, Vanderpump Rules Season 8 was actually filmed in Summer 2019 and it seems like a lot has changed since then. At least for James anyway. The self-proclaimed White Kanye is back at SUR!
To quote the immortal N’Sync, whose reputation is sullied by an unfortunate association with Vanderpump Rules, “I know that I can’t take no more, It ain’t no lie, I want to see you out that door, Baby bye bye bye.” And yes, I have had enough!
More than enough of Bravo claiming to support human rights and equality, yet, at every turn employing people who are misogynistic, racist, bigoted, and homophobic. I’ve certainly had enough of Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright. I’ve never cared about their love. Which seemed about as deep and stable as a damp cardboard box that Amazon left on your porch while you were crashing at your Tinder hookup’s place (basically Scheana Marie‘s version of marriage).
I’ve never had any interest in their greasy, fishy proposal. Or their Pinterest FAILED IT wedding planning. I can’t with Brittany’s increasingly amped up southern drawl and raspy cackle, or the way she douses herself in tequila like it really can kill off STDs (or kill off the lurking knowledge that her marriage to Jax is fake, and that he will always and forever cheat).
Last night Vanderpump Rules celebrated the annual SUR rite of passage: PRIDE!
In order to survive in this alternate universe known as Lisa Vanderpump Land, which at this point is indistinguishable from Lisa Frank Land (and one will equally find themselves trapperkeeper’d), one must dress up in rainbow paraphernalia, endure hours of Scheana Marie warbling “Solid Gold” on repeat, and have a hysterical selfish meltdown about their heterosexual relationships while ostensibly celebrating gay rights. This time, for the second year in a row, that prideful accomplishment goes to James Kennedy.
That’s right, bitches, the White Kanye is back and he came to lead his flock in verse and song of rage. And proving that James is here to resuscitate Vanderpump Rules he was even wearing a “Life Guard” man-tank with matching visor, like something out of a Ken Doll box.
When Vanderpump Rules first catapulted into the Bravo lexicon the appeal was that was its off the cuff and unpredictable cast members whose earnestly dysfunctional relationships anchored the show, and served as a highlight to all the other nonsense.
There was a magic in its untested authenticity that was like the early seasons of Real World or Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. Before these people realized they were going to become a phenomenon just for showing up. But alas it is now not the case. Lisa Vanderpump has now assumed the role of part Svengali/part David Copperfield; trying to make magic out of thin air and airheads.
It’s not working.
You guys… I’m losing my patience with Vanderpump Rules. I know, I know – it’s only like the 4th episode, but it’s the 8th (EIGHTH) season of the same drama, with the same cast members largely forced together for the sake of the show.
Would Ariana Madix and Stassi Schroeder have spoken to each other in the last 5 years, let alone still have something to argue about, if it weren’t for this show? Nope, not at all. In fact Stassi likely would’ve moved somewhere else, save for being on TV. Would Kristen Doute still be lurking around, carrying her cloud of dingy destruction, after sleeping with Stassi’s then-boyfriend Jax Taylor, then sleeping with Jax’s now fiancé, Brittany Cartwright? No, absolutely not.
Would Scheana Marie still be working as a waitress at SUR, sexually harassing post-adolescent boys, if it weren’t for Vanderpump Rules? Well, yeah probably. Would Tom 2 and Katie Maloney have gotten married? Not likely. But here we are celebrating the momentous occassion of Jax having been on reality TV for so long that he’s run out of storylines and the only sensational thing that remains is getting married. It’s a sad way to fizzle into obscurity for the man who kept up a lie about sleeping with his girlfriend’s best friend with a woman who happened to be the girlfriend of his best friend, and doing this on the sofa while the boyfriend/bestie was in the next room, passed out. Twice.
On last night’s Vanderpump Rules Tom Sandoval got bit by the itsy-crazy spider and lost his head. That spider was the black widow of man-sanity!
Charli Burnett and Dayna Kathan are both finishing their training at SUR. While Charli is feeling right at home in the bosom of Scheana Marie‘s attentions, Dayna is feeling ostracized. Being called a mini Scheana Marie is definitely NOT a compliment, and considering that Charli claims she’s never eaten pasta she is not gong to fit in well here because it is literally ALL about the pasta!
Scheana is trying to play mind games with Dayna by pretending the still has her acrylic claws into Max Boyens. Scheana shows up at SUR to pick up a uniform and announces that she’s going to crash boys night to confront Max for calling her “boy crazy.” Because nothing says ‘I’m completely sane and not at all desperate’ like wearing an ill-fitting, cleavage baring dress and interrupting a bro-down to discuss about relationship boundaries with a person you’ve never had a relationship with outside of sending him a stalking device FOR THANKSGIVING.