Comscore

Rachel and Jon

90 Day Fiance Before The 90 Days Recap: The Couples Tell All

Sigh. It seems like only yesterday that these mild-to-highly disturbed folks came into our lives, but alas, ‘tis time to say goodbye! Before the six couples of 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days float on down the rancid river of their bad decisions forever, we at least get one final rumble on a very tiny couch, complete with Angela popping off on Rachel while two grown men physically restrain her. And really, what more could we ask for?

Last night, Shaun Robinson hosted the 90 Day version of a TLC reunion, known as The Couples Tell All, in which the American fiances come together (plus Jesse, who would attend the opening of an envelope if it meant more screen time) to talk to their Skyped-in lovahs. At each Tell All, we are promised updates on the couples’ plans since we’ve seen them last. But what we actually get at these twisted shindigs is OH SO much more.

Angela Storms Off Set On Tonight’s 90 Day Fiance Before The 90 Days Tell All

Even though each and every cast member of 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days could single-handedly bring enough dramatic trash TV to carry an entire season, tonight we’re in for a real treat. Because the Couples Tell All reunion is here!

And you know what that means: The entire cast is about to be crammed on to one tiny couch to claw each other’s eyes out in the name of love and fodderhood. Plus, their partners in crime are all set to Skype in via large screen TV to fight with them through the magic of broadband, with only Shaun Robinson poised betwixt them to control the chaos. Or maybe just gawk at it?

90 Day Fiance Before The 90 Days Recap: Goodbye For Now

Saturday night, I witnessed Bradley Cooper shine in A Star Is Born, but last night I truly witnessed the best actor in a lead dramatic role when Ricky pretended he was something other than a world class scumbag. Ah, 90 Day Fiance Before The 90 Days, what are we gonna do without ya? Season two has been a rare gift of carefully curated dysfunction, the likes of which we may never see again – until regular 90 Day Fiance (season 6) starts up in two weeks. YAY!

Before we get to Ricky’s hot mess, a hop across the pond is in order. Rachel, Jon, and Lucy are playing “happy family” at their cottage rental as Rachel silently seethes over girlfriends of Jon’s past. It seems she’s moved past her fears (for now) because it’s time to pick out wedding bands. And apparently, it’s also time to tell the unwitting jeweler, “We met on a karaoke app!” It’s also time for Jon to tell Rachel that he doesn’t want to wear a wedding ring! Umm, WHAT?

Crazy Season Two Finale Of 90 Day Fiance Before The 90 Days Airs Tonight

It’s the end of a long, dramatic journey for the six couples of this season’s 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, and tonight we’ll see just how much dignity can be scraped off of the floor before they decide to walk away and/or commit themselves to one another for another paycheck life.

TLC’s previews are keeping tonight’s drama on strict lockdown, but we do see glimpses of what may befall our American-foreign lovebirds. As for the 7th(ish) couple, Marta and Daya, their relationship was basically dead on arrival, so let’s just allow them to RIP.

90 Day Fiance Before The 90 Days Recap: The Things We Do For Love

Hello Darcey. Hello Daughters. It is illusion. Dat I’m da Fodder. So the time’s come. Dat we end this. Now go home and cut your damn steak. On da bias.

Welcome to Camp Crazy! What the actual f**k did we witness on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days last night? What a swirling toilet bowl of drama this show is – and there’s no climbing out now. This week, there was beach-side rapping, a dramatic near death experience in four feet of water (!!), a hateful break up in an Uber, jacked up proposals galore, and – sadly – tragic news for Paul and Karine.

Who Will Get Engaged On Tonight’s 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days?

We’re sliding into home plate on season two of 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days. Or, shall we say, the train is almost nearly at full wrecking capacity? Either way, the end is nigh, my friends! And tonight’s episode is teasing some huge moments for our 6 and a half favorite couples.

There are turning points galore previewed in the drama to come, including Tarik facing the stark reality that Hazel is only interested in one thing: A one-way ticket out of the Philippines and an escape from poverty. How it’s taken Tarik so long to see this is baffling, but we’ll just assume he’s on the slow moving train.

90 Day Fiance Before The 90 Days Recap:

What have we done to deserve the beautiful disaster of 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days? Ah, who cares! Let’s just warm our hands by the soft glow of this dumpster fire and congratulate ourselves on every life decision we’ve ever made. Because if that isn’t the point of this show, I don’t know what is. Last night, we saw desperation and delusional thinking at its finest. We also saw a pink tank top continue to do the noble work of a 48-hour shift, containing Angela within its weary spandex threads long enough for her to rip Michael several new bung-holes.

Before we get to them, let’s check in with Rachel and Jon, the two most self-absorbed “victims of love” to cry many tears on national TV. Now that Rachel is back in Albuquerque, she needs to face reality – with the help of an immigration attorney (FINALLY). After Skyping with Jon at home to trade googly eyes at one another and mutually lamenting how much “the world is against them,” she heads out to a lawyer’s office for advice.

Michael And Ricky Beg For Another Chance On Tonight’s 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days

Ahh…our first official weekend of Autumn, another epic night of crackpot relationships put on full display tonight on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days. Last week, we met newcomers Marta and Daya, who presented us with the classic love story of a third generation Midwestern stripper falling for an Algerian Muslim who can’t speak a lick of English. Mawwiage! A dweam within a dweam.

Tonight, we’ll find out more about Daya when Marta finally gets homeboy on Skype. Spoiler alert: It does not go well. Suffice to say, we’ll find out why that iPad screen of hers is cracked within an inch of its life.