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Real Housewives recap

Kyle Richards Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Provence

What can be said about last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills except yeah, Kyle Richards is THE WORST.

I’m honestly not surprised the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills (led by Kyle and her partner in wine Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave) found a target to replace Lisa Vanderpump and Camille Grammer – I’m actually surprised that target was Erika Girardi. Erika always seems so disconnected and the other women kowtowed by her aloofness, which I suppose, in turn, is why she found herself in the crosshairs of these popularity obsessed middle-aged mean girls the second she opened up a bit.

Real Housewives Of Beverly In France

Last night the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills traveled to France to visit glorious Provence. Of course these women couldn’t just enjoy the sites and each other’s company, and a new Lisa was thrown under the Peugeot wheels!

Here we are at the Chateau Ventoux, which according to Lisa Rinna is “like Downton France Abbey” except in France an Abbey is a nunnery, so LOL. (If I’m wrong here don’t bother correcting me because I like my joke). The rooms are all beautiful. The surroundings are lush. And unlike when PK smothers her with potato chip crumbs and calls it a blanket, Dorit Kemsley feels like a princess. A real live European princess, who any moment will be woken from this nightmare by a prince who doesn’t have financial problems and will carpet their castle in athleisure wear made by Givenchy and Beverly Reach. Life, really will have purpose for this girl from London, Connecticut. 

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Halloween

Leave it to the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills to drag out a fight from two years ago, along with a ghost of Housewives past to celebrate Halloween, and also because well, without Lisa Vanderpump what else do they have to talk about? I mean they have stuff to talk about, they just won’t.

It’s the final morning in Hawaii, the day after Camille Grammer tied the knot a second time, and finally, at long last, we get our first sighting of The Agency apparel. I’ve been waiting all of the Hawaii trip – looking for swim trunks, hats, custom-ordered shot glasses, a bridesmaids gown… and on the last breakfast Mauricio Umansky finally just shows up to brunch wearing an Agency t-shirt. 

Kyle Richards

Congratulations Camille Grammer – you’ve officially broken free of Kelsey and restarted your life with a new man by getting married on last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. Gorgeous wedding! Too bad you dragged your way back Kelsey personality along with you for the ride in the clown car to David C. Meyer.

Oh, a lie detector test. Is that what we’re doing now instead of printing out 99 point font textestessss to prove our innocence? I feel like I need to write this portion of the recap in Comic Sans font, because surely this must be some British Humor! Now I’m still team Lisa Vanderpump, but lady – I cannot sit back and allow John Sessa to carry the Pom-Shield and become the defacto Kyle Richards: professional sidekick, stand-in kitchen remodel viewer, and mouthpiece of menace. John Sessa (and his barely buttoned shirt) needs to stick to training puppies to bite PK and leave the Housewives stuff to the big dogs. 

RHOP Michael Darby Real Housewives Of Potomac

Candiace Dillard’s fabulous Real Housewives of Potomac wedding aired last week, but it’s time to move on. There’s plenty of drama on the horizon, and this week is Katie Rost’s return! Katie back in the fold assures viewers they are in for some crazy situations. Also, we get to see the next chapter in the never-ending Gizelle Bryant/Karen Huger frenemy saga.

Michael Darby’s sexual comments toward men will likely play a big part in the episode. His marriage with Ashley Darby is always clouded in mystery. Nobody knows what’s real with the two of them. The upcoming scandal is going to be very telling when it comes to the legitimacy of their relationship. I guess we’ll see!

Camille Grammer - Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills

Last night the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills paid homage to the great legend herself, Erika Jayne, but the true legend they ought to be bowing to is Camille Grammer, returneth to us in her splendorous season 1 form.

Now that Lisa Vanderpump has removed herself from the scene, what is Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave supposed to do but focus all her obsessive energies onto exposing the truth about Camille? Camille, as we know will rise to that occasion, rather flightily and airily, but with needle-prick jabs that hit all the right pressure points. Like acupuncture for your insecurities. 

Teddi Mellencamp & Camille Grammer

Ahhhh the ladies of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills shed their glam squads and their Bentley’s for an RV to throw Lisa Vanderpump under and the simple life of campsite massages, and roasting weenies and each other!

I am so confused by this RV. First of all why does it look like sunscreen advertisement outside Spring Break destinations? Why is it so… tacky? Why is Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave the roadside version of a Goodyear Blimp (God – Ms. Calorie Coach would loooooove that comparison!)?

RHOP Candiace Dillard Real Housewives of Potomac

WHAT A SEASON THIS WILL BE. The Real Housewives of Potomac appear to be stepping up their game on a major level. Karen Huger’s line at the end of the season preview is the greatest thing I’ve ever heard. The situation surrounding Michael Darby is so bizarre, and Karen is calling it like it is. This is exactly the push this show needed to be on par with the others in the Real Housewives franchise.

Last season was so impressive for the Potomac ladies. We got THAT umbrella moment with Monique Samuels and Robyn Dixon. IT WAS ALMOST RIP ROBYN. Plus, we got to see Karen host the weirdest press conference in history to reveal nothing. Hopefully, this season is just as on point. It seems to be because Karen trying to use an oven is so hilarious. I love watching rich people struggle with basic household tasks. That will never not be funny to me.