Last night the Real Housewives Of Atlanta reunion ended with Porsha Williams playing devil’s advocate, NeNe Leakes slamming metaphorical doors, Kim Zolicak trying to blame Andy Cohen as the reason that no one likes her, and Kenya Moore pretending she hadn’t just asked for a cocktail despite being pregnant. Good times, y’all, good times…
It’s fair to say that it wasn’t just NeNe who slammed the door shut on Kim’s Housewives career but Andy as well (Go Andy, it’s your birthday…). Kim showed up all season emotionally tardy for the party and positivity challenged, and also maybe her brain had been injected with Botox so it froze recollection of all her actions, words, and bad behaviors. How many times did Kim claim something didn’t happen then cut to footage of her saying some atrociously hideous lie?
The Real Housewives Of Atlanta reunion was going so well until Kim Zolciak showed up. I mean, people with feuds as old as their suddenly rejuvenated (and impregnated) ovaries were having civil discussions about those times they accused each other of being prostitutes to one-eyed Africans (do neither Porsha Williams nor Kenya Moore STILL not understand that ‘one-eyed’ referred to the African’s “D” – not that he’s an actual cyclops. Now you know Kandi Burruss secretly wrote a “For The D” rap about that…). Then of course with all that peace, love, and Leave Will Alone, Kim Showed up.
Now that girl… Kim looked like she was wearing a Jessica Rabbit Halloween costume. And what on earth is Kroy Biermann doing with his life? He needs a Tabatha take over, because he’s apparently so depressed about being released from the NFL that he’s lost all purpose in life. It’s like the dude followed-up on a Craigslist post seeking personal assistant and wound up working for this crazy person who expects him to just follow around carrying her Solo cups and making sure all her outfits match said Solo cups – outfits he also has to pry her into using tweezers.
The first part of the Real Housewives Of Atlanta was pretty tame by comparison to what we’ve come to expect. I mean the only things that happened were a pregnancy announcement, blackmail revelation, and your mama jokes. Low-key, right?!
The most important thing about any reunion are obviously the outfits. Apparently if you are a Real Housewives Of Atlanta star the reunion is your equivalent of the Academy Awards. But all the stylists are busy and the only gowns left are the ones no one wants to wear.
What we really must discuss is Porsha Williams‘s crown. Umm… She’s elevated from Princess of THOTlandia (where one’s crowing achievement is twerking in hot pants) to Queen of Delusion. Although she claims to be the Goddess of Good Thoughts or something – good thoughts except when she’s calling Kandi Burruss “Victim Victoria,” Goddess Of Never Letting Go.
On last night’s season finale of Real Housewives Of Atlanta it’s as if someone decided to finally give Sheree Whitfield something to do besides accept collect calls from her incarcerated boyfriend. I mean something has to pay for that basement – might as well be Bravo checks instead of wherever ‘Lie-rone’ is collecting his income!
Out of the blue Sheree is incredibly pressed about Porsha Williams supposedly warning Shamea Morton that none of the women can be trusted – including Sheree. Poor Sheree – she’s been carrying everyone’s bones while having Porsha’s back, and is repaid by Porsha dismissing their friendship. Now Sheree has a bone to pick with Porsha – except she’s passive aggressively avoiding her by hiding in her basement staring at the abyss of Moore Manor.
Why would Shamea, Porsha’s so-called BFF, be sharing her text message with Desperee?! Hmmm… We never get an answer to that by the way.
Well, well – Kenya Moore‘s husband is no more Question Marc! We finally saw Marc Daly in the flesh on last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta, but he’s still leaving me with questions about his cardboard affect.
I never suspected Kenya had faked her marriage, but like NeNe Leakes alluded I always assumed Kenya was much more in love with Marc than he is with her. Just based purely on how Kenya describes him and their relationship gives me the willies actually! And seeing Marc, mingling around last night, something seemed … off. It wasn’t just camera jitters or nerves about what the women (and show) may have in store for him, it was an animosity. Dude, you married a woman on a TV show, you knew what you were getting into!
NeNe Leakes was on top of the world, but on last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta it all came tumbling down. Can NeNe ever be put back together again after her great fall?
NeNe is officially in a twitter war (and every other kind of war) with Kim Zolciak and Brielle Biermann. It’s gone beyond nasty into libel territory and Orkin definitely needs to exterminate this mess. It’s actually making me think less of two women, whom I’ve never managed to muster a decent opinion of in the first place. This is the magic of Bravo: nasty people behaving more badly. You can read all the details here.
It seems like eons since we last checked in on the Real Housewives Of Atlanta, and lo and behold, they’ve had a total personality transplant behind our backs. Maybe it was Porsha Williams‘s decision to leave Barcelona early after her fight with Marlo Hampton that brought this about? Or maybe it was the healing powers of The Great Tyrone. Juussst kidding!
The ladies are bailing on their crumbling moldy villa, which probably wouldn’t have bothered Kenya Moore of Moore Manor as she is apparently used to mildew, but the rest of these high society creatures, who’ve seen neither hide nor slithery legs of water bugs and vermin, cannot cope and defect to a five star hotel. They rejoice as if they’ve escaped prison.
On last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta, it was Porsha Williams who had a nervous breakdown in Barcelona, even though NeNe Leakes was the one battling demon ex-friends and roaches.
You would think after Kim Zolciak sent everyone – cast, crew, employee at the convenience store near NeNe’s house – a video supposedly showing roaches in NeNe’s bathroom, NeNe would be on a full-scale rampage. Instead she is calm and collected when she joins the ladies for brunch the next morning. It is everyone else who’s saltier than the
hairy balls olives NeNe was scared to eat!