RHOD Recap

You guys LeeAnne Locken is the most exhausting person I have ever encountered! I was literally so drained by her negativity and attention-seeking antics I had to lie down after last night’s episode of Real Housewives Of Dallas.

So everyone is in Thailand and addressing the L’Infinity Dress drama that will never end. Just like tales of woe from LeeAnne’s childhood, this dress and this saga have 1000 different reiterations and incarnations including that when LeeAnne was living at the carnival she was training gorillas. Girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrllllllllllllllllllll….

How come in Season 1 and 2 LeeAnne was mostly raised by her grandparents after being abandoned by her mother but now she’s wrangling elephants in an RV? Little LeeAnne … literally raised by animals to be a feral child. I think there’s a famous book about that, turned into a couple Disney movies.. 

Last night the Real Housewives Of Dallas headed to Thailand where no amount of Buddhism, zen, or Xanax could mellow out their animosity towards each other.

Truthfully by the exemplary behavior of Stephanie Hollman and Kameron Westcott you’d never know they were ‘surface’ friends! On the 20-something hour travel day Kameron did it up right by handing out gold face masks and Xanax. Therefore no one even remembers being transported to the Thai future on Kameron’s magic pills. I really need to see this adventure animated in technicolor interspersed with the Baby Elephant song as sung by Steve Miller, with the Real Housewives Of Dallas as cult-y back-up singers for the chorus. I imagine it like Like Indiana Jones meets Scooby Doo meets Kameron’s Amazing Technicolor Dream Pajamas.

Everyone was on this wonderland trip except for D’Andra Simmons. She got drug-defying hot flashes as penance for mocking Mama Dee‘s age. And also took a flight sans underwear. BAARF.