The ladies of Real Housewives Of Dallas entered the ring with their guns blazing, their stilettos sharpened like razors, and their eyes shooting daggers through the 64 layers of wet look eyeshadow. Their dresses are designed to blind, confuse, and kill as all the sequins reflect off everyone’s egos causing insanity.
I actually think Andy Cohen was on fire last night and was a great moderator; pushing back against the nastiness and crap.
This reunion is all about D’Andra Simmons, and her feuds with literally everyone. Which is apt because the very first thing that was discussed was Beaver Creek and the fight D’Andra had with LeeAnne Locken over who is the queen of Real Housewives Of Dallas.
It’s Travis Hollman‘s frat party so everyone can fight and cry and scream if they want to on Real Housewives Of Dallas. LeeAnne Locken and Brandi Redmond certainly did.
I just don’t even know where to begin. Who provoked whom, who started what, who did such and such illegal thing… Brandi and LeeAnne are a two-headed snake biting its own tail after getting confused by all the excess weave hair in their faces. They should just go to couples therapy and be done with it. I can’t pick a winner or a loser here. Well, I can pick a winner, but it’s Stephanie Hollman. Stephanie ‘PH–king’ Hollman.
However, so many good things did happen for the ladies of Dallas last night! Stephanie bought a foam machine. LeeAnne picked a date and wedding location. D’Andra Simmons got a company. Woot!
Happy Thanksgiving. I’m grateful I don’t have to interact with Real Housewives Of Dallas in the wild. LeeAnne Locken may cut my legs at the ankles to watch me crawl away and bleed to death. She’s just upset, you guys. If you upset her, it’s your fault. And then after all that you still might end up on ‘friendship probation’!
Over in Copenhagen, Brandi Redmond is a raging ball of fury. She learned that LeeAnne used her iPhone to nab naked footage of Brandi swimming in the Baltic Sea. Brandi is fine with the Bravo crew having that video. They will use it as contractually expected. But her arch nemesis? A different story! For some reason, they decide this is the perfect time to go to a fancy dinner! Within seconds Brandi, comes at LeeAnne with accusations. She’s untrustworthy, a liar, and no one at the table really wants to be her friend. Ouch.
Here we are in Copenhagen again on Real Housewives Of Dallas and everyone is still fighting. And they’re also naked and afraid of LeeAnne Locken blackmailing them with videos of their “sunny side up titties” surfacing in the Baltic Sea. Um, sounds … grocer than pickled herring if you ask me!
LeeAnne upset Brandi Redmond (again). Then there were two: Kameron Westcott and D’Andra Simmons. Just when I thought soon there would soon only be 1 remaining after someone went down at the hands of a switchblade stiletto, D’Andra apologizes! Say what?!
Whew! The ladies of Real Housewives Of Dallas know how to bring it home, do they not?! Also, I have to say I kinda like a screechy, raw, D’Andra Simmons. Classy she is not, but that bridge has already been burned and renamed in honor of Kameron Westcott.
Also, I don’t have a pantyliner on my underwear or a weave, but I’m beyond tired of The LeeAnne Locken And D’Andra Simmons Show.
Upon arriving D’Andra is cranky because she flew coach to try and prove that she’s a grownup. #FAIL On the shuttle to the hotel the champagne is already laid out and Brandi Redmond plans to spend this entire trip passive-aggressively acting like an alcoholic to teach LeeAnne a lesson. Good plan – I’m sure it won’t backfire at all! Brandi’s goal is to get so wasted at dinner she thinks LeeAnne will call her an alcoholic to her face so Brandi can confront her about the accusation, but D’Andra ruined everything! D’Andra always ruins everything according to Kameron, who actually always ruins everything.
Something very strange is in the wine on Real Housewives Of Dallas. I mean other than it turning all of them into pseudo-alcoholics? But what’s with LeeAnne Locken and Kameron Westcott suddenly becoming judge and jury? I mean, Kameron has always behaved that way, but uh… LeeAnne check yourself before a K-Cup gets shoved up your leggings!
It’s baby steps down the aisle for LeeAnne and Rich and that calls for preliminary wedding gown shopping. Since Stephanie Hollman is her new friend
of convenience she is invited to help LeeAnne search for a “basic and boring” wedding gown. Stephanie is perturbed to see that D’Andra Simmons isn’t there. LeeAnne claims D’Andra was “too busy” to be a friend and didn’t deem this important enough to disturb her schedule. Yes, but where was her BFF Kameron???
Y’all, I love Real Housewives Of Dallas! And you know what I love even more? A Mama Dee takeover of Real Housewives Of Dallas. Smother those bitches in 6,000 calories worth of butter and ketchup, get them too stuffed to move, then berate them with a frozen smile. You know the reason Mama Dee’s face doesn’t move is because she isn’t about to let anybody see her sweat.
D’Andra Simmons is living a life of hard nights and harder mornings when she has to face the realities that her friendship with LeeAnne Locken has gone to complete shit. Even worse, despite their fight at Cary Deuber‘s laser thingy, D’Andra’s mama has organized a playdate to force them to get along. And even worse-worse, they have to cook at this thing! Needless to say with all this stress D’Andra isn’t looking so fresh and bright-eyed during her Hard Night Good Morning rebranding photoshoot.
I am loving Real Housewives Of Dallas but I’m weary of this constant and perpetual game of telephone between LeeAnne Locken, Brandi Redmond, and D’Andra Simmons. Ladies – just text already, it leaves a written record.
I mean personally, I blame LeeAnne. She went on this tangent about how she was turning over a new amygdala and is gonna Start. Over. Then when Brandi, who don’t get me wrong is terrible all on her own, tried to do just that by suggesting they put everything from last season behind them, LeeAnne was like “No. Cause you hurt me.” This from the woman who decided Cary Deuber should just get over LeeAnne accusing her husband of cheating on national TV. LeeAnne, karma has come in the form of an L-22 fury wearing a deflated balloon as a shirt. D’Andra purchased it at net-a-porter and it cost all of the $200 left in her bank account. This is how mad D’Andra is – she wants you to see her coming from 10 miles away and will blow her every last cent to do so.