I fucking love Real Housewives Of New York. I don’t even know what else to say. Like let’s just end this recap right now and watch it again.
Sonja Morgan is headed to fashion week which entails all the disasters you’d imagine will occur when Sonja Morgan attempts to do anything. She’s got models wearing toaster oven boxes. Oh, wait she doesn’t have models! She’s got 65 interns running around making a runway out of printer paper. She’s got Home Depot flowers arranged by colors in plastic solo cups which will also double as cocktails becuase she soaked the flowers in Sonja Sangria. That’s right – she has a sangria collection too.
She’s got Collection 21 there, but Sonja means it’s collection 50+, for gals who don’t age, but kinda do. Meaning mentally they stay 21 forever. (That’s what Sonja loves about these 20-something boys — she may get older, but they just stay the same age.) It’s the whole Sonja Shit-show complete with fashion editors sitting on paper towel pallets and eating cocktail wienies she cooked backstage with a flatiron in a Carmen San Diego hat she turned into a roasting pan. Then when it’s time for everyone to say goodbye Sonja strolls into the industrial kitchen, changes into a sweat suit and shoos them all out the door. Seriously – did this fashion show take place in a hotel basement?
Ain’t no party like a Real Housewives Of New York party! Especially when you mix Leah McSweeney with Sonja Morgan for the ultimate, super potent cocktail. COCK-tail being the operative word considering that a vibrator wound up in the chicken. Imagine the immersion blender capabilities…
It’s the morning after another party where Sonja got so trashed she screamed about shaving pussies in a $39.9 million dollar house. They all wake up to learn Luann de Lesseps fled in the middle of the night citing the horror of being shut into Ramona Singer‘s basement amid the fumes of dog pee and a spider infestation. Is it spider or spite-her? Luann thinks she was put down below on purpose to remind her of her place, but Ramona is probably just thoughtless and a terrible hostess.
They’re all taking a tour of said basement of supposed horrors when Luann calls Ramona to explain why she got so upset. Luann is feeling left out and has FOMO, simple as that. She’s already the outcast for not drinking, then she’s shunted into the basement, hidden away like a pox on fun.
Coronavirus is hitting the world pretty hard. We’ve all been cooped up in quarantine for what feels like forever. While Bravo is doing us a great service by running marathons of various past seasons, it’s not always enough. But we are all in this together, including our favorite Bravolebrities.
It’s reassuring to hear that so many of them are doing their part to make the world a better place right now. Bethenny Frankel is at the top of my list after donating thousands of medical supplies to hospitals in need. Dolores Catania has done similar work, organizing food, medical supplies and even shoes for local healthcare workers. Tom Sandoval and Tom Schwartz raised money to help their TomTom staff get paid while they are out of work. Tinsley Mortimer and fiance Scott Kluth did something super sweet and donated $10K each to the family of a Bravo editor who passed from the virus. Hell, even Teddi Mellencamp hooked us all up and gave away free workouts so everyone can stay healthy while cooped up. But not all of our Bravolebrities have left us feeling good during the pandemic.
God bless Real Housewives Of New York. Seriously. This show is the gift that keeps on giving and giving and giving, like Sonja Morgan‘s vagina after a couple shots. And Sexy J really went to 11 yesterday.
With the Blue Stone Manor under construction the ladies are in the Hamptons bedding down at Ramona Singer‘s palatial abode. Too bad Luann de Lesseps was still shunted into the finished basement. Still a basement is a basement is a basement with spiders, and smelling a bit like must and dog piss. Which incidentally is probably the scent of the perfume Sonja is bottling as part of her lifestyle collection. After a miserable night Luann bailed to visit her chiropractor while the rest of the ladies hit up a vineyard.
Luann is the tempest in the third floor, and must’ve caused an awful storm to reflect her mood because it was overcast, raining, and gloomy. Ramona decided the theme of this trip is bonding, so she turns a boozy lunch into the opportunity to interrogate everyone about their deepest fears and insecurities. It’s mostly because she wants Tinsley Mortimer to spill the beans, but Tinsley has been around this town and this circuit longer than anyone. Truthfully, because she was born in it and it’s simply not that easy to upend the Tinz.
The Bravo family of shows always gives us plenty of drama. But like any real family, they band together during tough times. The coronavirus has hit the whole world hard and so many Bravolebrities are pitching in and helping out. Bethenny Frankel has already delivered over 1 million protective suits to New York and Louisiana. Former RHONY housewife Jill Zarin started a program to feed essential medical workers battling on the front lines. Even Tom Sandoval and Tom Schwartz are donating their Cameo proceeds to TomTom workers out of work.
But the Bravo world still received devastating personal loss due to coronavirus. A few weeks ago, we heard the news of longtime RHONY editor Peter Gamba passing from coronavirus. Peter spent 12 years working on the iconic franchise.
Without context, Dorinda Medley’s issues with Tinsley Mortimer make no sense. But, let’s break down the fourth wall and discuss the elephant in the room: Real Housewives of New York is a reality TV show. This is not a series of home videos. It’s a job for these people.
This isn’t just about two acquaintances who are at odds because one person won’t open up. It’s actually about two coworkers. Dorinda thinks Tinsley isn’t pulling her weight on the job and she’s over it.
The inclusion of Leah McSweeney into Real Housewives Of New York is creating a cultural divide between generations. Here we have Leah, a millennial on the cusp of also being a Gen Xer. Someone, ahem, my age. Then we have the rest of the ‘girls.’ Still calling themselves “girls” well (WELL) past the acceptable age of being called so. Which is something only middle-aged women of a certain generation do. These girls are actually OKBoomers, and these boomers are treating Leah and Tinsley Mortimer like their willful daughters who don’t recognize good sense.
The problem is, of course, that Tinsley and Leah are grown-ass women, well-past the acceptable age of being called “girls” themselves. Although Tinsley has clung vehemently to the pretensions of her mother’s generation and, on the surface, tries to adhere to the notions of how one behaves. Leah is more like “fuck it all.” She’s Bethenny Frankel-lite, which is why she’s shaping up to be a good replacement.