Pinkies were firmly down at this Real Housewives Of Orange County birthday party meant to celebrate the not-yet-deceased phony Queen Victoria. Tensions were firmly up instead!
Well, it’s time to celebrate Vicki Gunvalson‘s birthday, which might as well be a national holiday at this point. If anything good can come from long-term exposure to Vicki it should be a paid day off of work. Insurance, if you will, that we can at least get something out of this. But instead, we got tea party thrown by Tamra Judge‘s most juvenile bullying impulses.
“I get to be queen for a day and all of my girlfriends have to bow down to me. I mean it’s like every girl’s wish, right?!” says an enthusiastic Vicki, who has no idea that buried inside Tamra’s hat is a double-bladed invisibility sword for stabbing your friends in the back while you’re smiling to their faces. Satan is confusing!
At the beginning of this season of the Real Housewives of Orange County, I thought Braunwyn Windham-Burke was going to be an interesting, but sedate addition to the show. She was in a long-time marriage to hubby Sean Burke, had seven children and seemed to be relatively normal. Boy, was I wrong! As we have gotten to know Braunwyn, we have come to find she is not the quiet soccer mom she first appeared to be. In fact, Tamra Judge might finally have a run for her money for the Orange County Exhibitionist Trophy!
Our first clue to Braunwyn not being what she seemed was her odd relationship with her rather unusual mother, Dr. Deb. A second clue was her hot tub escapade with Tamra in Arizona. A third indicator to Braunwyn’s freakiness came when she dressed in black lingerie for family photos–you know, like all our moms did! The final evidence came when Braunwyn engaged in a public, on-camera make out session with fellow married attention seeker Tamra. So, what is behind the make out session and what do the two RHOC cast members really think about each other?
Aaaaahhh… Real Housewives Of Orange County, trying so hard to make your fetch happen. Especially Braunwyn Windham-Burke. It’s like someone at Bravo told her she had to save this show from itself, which would explain the one-wing short of a hooker angel costume she wore to her TEENAGED DAUGHTER’s Fashion Show.
The saddest thing about Braunwyn is that she has all this baggage from a childhood spent with a self-absorbed attention-seeking mother yet she’s replicating the exact same dynamic with her daughter, Rowan. Instead of 7 zany careers, Braunwyn has 7 kids. Instead of painting your entire body tye-dye and calling it the kiss of the goddess, Braunwyn is kissing other women and braying about sex constantly. Yes, Brown Wind, people are finally looking at you, but they’re looking at you the same way they look at your mother: with pity.
Real Housewives of Orange County star Gina Kirschenheiter has been making headlines since she came on the show. Unfortunately, they aren’t the good kind. On February 1, Gina was arrested for a DUI.
Her divorce from her ex, Matt Kirschenheiter, will be finalized on December 31. This season, RHOC viewers also saw Gina confess to her
supposed bestie, Emily Simpson, that Matt had cheated on her. Gina also alleged that Matt physically assaulted her.
There’s been many a times I’ve suffered second-hand embarrassment while watching a Real Housewives show, but last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County was officially THE WORST. I was literally blowing a metaphorical whistle at the TV as I witnessed Braunwyn Windham-Burke and Tamra Judge‘s dry-humping. Too much tongue is often a problem on Bravo, but usually in a very different way.
Tamra has the brilliant idea to take a train down to Del Mar, fill plastic penises with vodka, and pass out train conductor whistles to celebrate Shannon Beador‘s 55th birthday party. Cause nothing says middle-age like a drunken orgy!
This trip has historical significance for several reasons: 1) Del Mar is Shannon’s old haunt, from back when she was “fun Shannon,” chugging Andre champagne and stalking surfer dudes; 2) It references the train rumor that so plagued Kelly Dodd‘s indefatigable reputation; 3) Meghan King Edmonds is attending for some unknown reason.
There’s a new girl out and about in the OC this season. Transformed Real Housewives of Orange County star Shannon Beador is single and ready to mingle after her long, drawn out divorce from David Beador. Fans of the show have spent season after season watching Shannon be miserable in her marriage and also unhappy following her split from David in 2017.
Now, rejuvenated Shannon looks fantastic, is less self-pitying and is not only ready to ride the fun bus, she is driving it to new and exciting places! Shannon shared with viewers last week a unique way in which she might be ready to whoop it up as a new, single lady about town. She had the O-Shot, or Orgasm Shot, an injection that is supposed to increase sexual satisfaction for women. Before having the procedure, Shannon was told that the shot would “heighten orgasms” and give her some “oomph.”
Real Housewives of Orange County newbie Braunwyn-Windham Burke is full of surprises! Viewers learned that she has a strange and complicated relationship with her mother. Her mother, by the way, is a Cyndi Lauper clone from the mid 80’s.
This OC Housewife is a mom to seven kids, and is married to her college-sweetheart, Sean Burke. She has been nursing for 19 years, which just sounds unbelievable. Braunwyn whipped out a breast at dinner to show her RHOC co-stars that she is still producing milk. Classy.
Am I the only one who clicked “rewind” when during the last episode of Real Housewives of Orange County? At some point in the conversation when Braunwyn Windham-Burke and her husband Sean Burke talked about “how pretty” Tamra Judge is, she told him that Tamra and Eddie Judge are just like them because they have threesomes too.
Wait. What? Was I just not paying attention during the previous episode with Braunwyn’s initial threesome confession? When did Tamra say that? Did I just tune out because I didn’t want to hear another conversation about CUT Fitness or her sons’ feud? Or is Braunwyn lying? Or did she divulge some information that Tamra said away from the cameras?