Are you guys ready to saddle up and take a ride on the hot mess express? Good because that is what you can expect from the Vanderpump Rules Season 7 reunion. The cast of your guiltiest pleasure had major ups and downs during the season. The ups consisted of Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright getting engaged. The downs were watching Lala Kent suffering over the loss of her father and
anything to do with Katie Maloney the constant ganging up on James Kennedy.
We saw Scheana Marie “single” for the first time ever, but somehow she managed to obsess over someone anyway. James’ girlfriend Raquel Leviss was an unnecessary target of the Witches of WeHo, mainly because she is pretty and thin… The poor thing didn’t really do anything to anyone. Kristen Doute was, god I don’t even know. Kristen, what in the fresh hell do you do every single day? Anystupidtshirtline, the reunion is going to treat us with three separate shows to wrap up Season 7.
Vanderpump Rules Stassi Schroeder has given her opinion on the strangest feud I’ve had the pleasure of seeing. The Lala Kent vs. 50 Cent feud.
Personally, I would not choose to get into it with 50 Cent. However, Lala can count on her girl Stassi to be in her corner. Maybe Stassi can distract him with wine and snide comments.
You know that old saying, “don’t bite the hand that feeds you”? It looks like the main players on the Vanderpump Rules stage missed that one. Fans of the show have enjoyed watching people test relationship boundaries, become obsessed with former loves, and make poor decisions in general. Luckily for stars like Stassi Schroeder, Ariana Madix, and Kristen Doute, they have been afforded the benefit of making a hefty salary in the process.
Now the once young, attractive, eager-to-achieve-stardom crew have matured into, well, older versions of what they were before. The difference is they are currently doing it with the ability to purchase $2 million dollar homes. This is thanks to Lisa Vanderpump, because, after all, she hired them in the first place. She even went so far as to partner up with two of the show’s veterans, Tom Sandoval and Tom Schwartz to open the stunning TomTom. One might assume they would be grateful for the opportunities Lisa has given them. One might assume they would appreciate not having to work paycheck to paycheck at a 9 to 5 job. And one might assume they would appreciate the benefits of fame that were basically SURved to them on a silver platter. Well, my friends, one might be wrong…
The holidays came early this year! Whatever you celebrate, it was Festivus for the rest of us because we were treated to a truly wonderful gift, courtesy of one Curtis James Jackson III, better known as 50 Cent. In what has to be the most entertaining version of an East Coast/West Coast feud, 50 revealed that he is a viewer of Vanderpump Rules. While this may surprise some people, it really isn’t that much of a stretch seeing as Lala Kent’s fiancé, Randall Emmett, produces projects that involve 50. Or is it Mr. Cent?
Our saga began when 50 Cent posted a clip from Pump Rules on social media. In a segment with Stassi Schroeder, Lala shared, that she let Randall to “hit it” on the night they met. Lala reaped the benefits of her “feminist” ways, receiving expensive gifts courtesy of Rand. She works hard for the money, so hard for it, honey! This ticked off my new best friend 50 because #ALLEGEDLY Randall had previously borrowed $1 million scrilla from the actor. But don’t cry for 50. His ability to retrieve loaned funds now has executives at Captial One rethinking their methods of collection.
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away a foolish princess sat in her WeHo walkup, and pledged her love to Jax Taylor, a pile of mashed potatoes that sometimes took on human-esque features and pretended to have a heart, but mostly just oozed brown puss. This princess of purgatory is Brittany Cartwright and on last night’s Vanderpump Rules she had an engagement party
This party seemed like it was supposed to be a wedding, until producers decided to drag out the drama by turning it into an engagement party last minute. Like they expected a huge blowout where Brittany’s dad confronted her about what an insipid ass Jax is. Or Jax and the Toms got in a fight with Brittany’s brothers. Instead, the biggest drama was Scheana Marie crying in a corner because Adam Spott rejected her adopt-a-penguin apology gift.
Also Ariana Madix nervously confronted Lisa Vanderpump‘s about treating the Toms like grownups because then, like, maybe they might, like, act, like, one. Or Tom 1 will at least.
Lala Kent has been very open about her sex life with fiance Randall Emmett. On one episode of Vanderpump Rules, she told Stassi Schroeder about the first time they met. She auditioned for an acting role, they went out after, and as Lala so eloquently put it, she let him “hit it on the first night.”
She revealed, “I let him hit it on the first night and we were inseparable. He would just send me really expensive gifts. The first night we banged, I got a car the next day. He was like ‘Do you want a Range Rover?’ and I was like ‘Yeah.'” So who bought that car? Was it Randall or did he pay for it with borrowed money from 50 Cent? 50 Cent claims that Lala’s man owes him $1 million dollars. And he has been extremely savage with his Instagram trolling. Turn on some post alerts. 50 is really going in.
Is Raquel Leviss on the precipice of becoming a full-time cast member on Vanderpump Rules? She just might be! I don’t know why she would subject herself to that since pretty much no one from the cast accepts her, minus Ariana Madix and Tom Sandoval. The rest of them don’t want anyone else taking their screen time. Especially if that person happens to be dating James Kennedy.
Raquel got onto the show without working at SUR, which sounds ideal to me. Why would anyone want to wait tables when they could make Instagram money instead? However, Raquel has taken the road less traveled. She popped onto the show as a girlfriend. And now she is a SUR employee. Why go backward, Raquel? Just, why? Who wants to wear those unflattering scarf dresses on camera?
My guess is when you guys think about “true love”, no one from Vanderpump Rules comes to mind. Perhaps visions of Mike and Carol Brady fill your head or Princess Leia and Han Solo… But I’m definitely not picturing Tom Schwartz getting the verbal beat down from
owner wife, Katie Maloney. Visions of Tom Sandoval and glorified roommate Ariana Madix certainly don’t fit. Shall we talk about marriage-bound Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright? No, we better skip them too. Oh, hang on a second, we cannot forget Lala Kent and Randall Emmett. Those two are the epitome of what a REAL relationship looks like. I think we can all agree that Lala would 1,000% be with Rand if he weren’t rich and a Hollywood producer. Because Lala typically goes for men with 19 chins and children from previous relationships. #sorrynotsorry
So who will be next to put a ring on it and start heading down the aisle of permanent togetherness? Even though, Tom 1 and Tom 2 are historically the happiest couple on the show… The Toms do have an idea, but if you ask me it’s more the result of what cast members are left over. Ain’t nobody thinking someone will marry Kristen Doute, like ever. So Stassi, you’re up girlfriend.