There’s been many a times I’ve suffered second-hand embarrassment while watching a Real Housewives show, but last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County was officially THE WORST. I was literally blowing a metaphorical whistle at the TV as I witnessed Braunwyn Windham-Burke and Tamra Judge‘s dry-humping. Too much tongue is often a problem on Bravo, but usually in a very different way.
Tamra has the brilliant idea to take a train down to Del Mar, fill plastic penises with vodka, and pass out train conductor whistles to celebrate Shannon Beador‘s 55th birthday party. Cause nothing says middle-age like a drunken orgy!
This trip has historical significance for several reasons: 1) Del Mar is Shannon’s old haunt, from back when she was “fun Shannon,” chugging Andre champagne and stalking surfer dudes; 2) It references the train rumor that so plagued Kelly Dodd‘s indefatigable reputation; 3) Meghan King Edmonds is attending for some unknown reason.
Season 13 of Real Housewives of Orange County was boring. But an interesting and unconfirmed rumor emerged that “OG” Vicki Gunvalson, if she wanted to save her full-time Housewife position for the next season, had to deliver a big storyline. She needed to get engaged–on camera. No pressure!
It’s not like Vicki didn’t constantly tell her boyfriend, Steve Lodge, that she wanted him to put a ring on it and make it official. Steve finally did propose to Vicki in April of 2019, and it seemed like Vicki’s RHOC position was guaranteed.
Last night most of the Real Housewives Of Orange County finally escaped Arizona. All that so-called healing got left in Arizona though. In fact the only person who seemed to internalize anything was Kelly Dodd, who also got left behind in Arizona.
Kelly visited her hometown of Scottsdale to hopefully reconnect with her family. Fun fact: I went to ASU, and I have been to The Vig countless times! So that was exciting, and this where Kelly and Mary’s similarities end. Because when Kelly lived in Arizona she was getting arrested as a juvenile delinquent for setting the her catholic high school’s field on fire and brawling with old ladies at the Phoenix Open.
Kelly meets up with her BFFs to reminisce about all the times she drunkenly slapped people. Kelly is the very definition of stunted adolescence. She and Jolie live in an unintentionally Freaky Friday world where Jolie is the miniature adult attending board meetings and organizing the meal schedules for the week. If she just took over the finances…
Kelly Dodd and Vicki Gunvalson used to be friends. At least, friends of the Housewife variety. The Real Housewives of Orange County stars were at odds last season over Vicki introducing her ex Michael Dodd to a new woman after their split. Even worse, they had an ugly dispute at the Season 13 reunion when Vicki insinuated that Kelly was a cocaine user. Funny how that could make someone angry!
Since then, the two have been feuding, often trading barbs on social media. During the cast trip to Arizona, Vicki repeated a story she had allegedly heard about Kelly being banned from her daughter’s school. Kelly, of course, called Vicki out for spreading ugly rumors. Astonishingly, the two apologized to each other at dinner on the final night of the trip. Were the two really ready to repair their broken friendship? Two other RHOC stars think something was amiss with the apology-fest at the Miraval retreat.
Watching last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County was like getting hit by the Kelly Dodd train. Her emotions were all over the place. I’m not sure if I blame the drinks or the desert, but all’s well that … Well, I don’t want to say “end,” so, “pauses(?) well,” because Kelly and Vicki Gunvalson have forged peace! Tequila for all!
The episode opens with amazing flashbacks. Like I’m watching a Dateline 48 Hours mystery, which is hilarious, because the backwards clock makes me realize it has only been TWENTY-FOUR hours.
What’s even more amusing is that this is a day in the life cycle of Vicki Gunvalson: lie, deny, blame, repeat… Vicki is angry at Kelly for lashing out at her, but Vicki continuously pokes the beehive with her witchy acrylic nail, then cries cancer when she gets stung.
What happens when you are a highly visible celebrity, suffering the humiliation of a demotion? Let’s ask Vicki Gunvalson! The veteran star of Real Housewives of Orange County started Season 14 on a different note. Apparently that note said “have a seat” because the orange was snatched out of her hands.
Just like the little engine that could, Vicki is huffing and puffing up a steep hill. She is desperately trying to prove she is worthy of regaining full time status. That isn’t great news for Kelly Dodd, who is now the target of Vicki’s impetuous jabs. Last year Vicki accused Kelly of being a coke head. This year Vicki has definitely not started a rumor that Kelly enjoys participating in risque acts of a sexual nature. But last time I checked, unless a gerbil or goat is involved, having sex is not a crime. Now Vicki attacks Kelly’s relationship with men, which might earn her a doctorate in Hypocritical Science.
I don’t know who put Real Housewives Of Orange County on Adderall but thank you Tamra Judge‘s Jesus because this season is so good. So much was packed into a 10 hour time period it was like drama sardines.
Shannon Beador is at Urgent Care deciding if she wants to press charges against Kelly Dodd for assault, or assault Kelly with guilt tripping and shaming over the harm she’s done to Shannon’s zen cortex. As if that’s gonna work. HA! Also if the police showed up to question Kelly she would assume they were strippers and start propositioning them.
Being the good friend that she is, Tamra is in the doctor’s office laughing behind her hand. Tamra is thanking herself for all the good work she is doing driving a huge, HUGE wedge between Shannon and Kelly after conniving Shannon her leaking spinal fluid was making her go blind.
When it comes to marriage and divorce on reality TV, no one has more experience than the OG of the OC.
Last week on the Watch What Happens Live After Show, Vicki Gunvalson spoke out about her Real Housewives of Orange County castmate Emily Simpson‘s rocky relationship with husband Shane Simpson, and offered her take on how the clashing couple can get back on track.