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Summer House Recap

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We made it to Labor Day weekend y’all! Somehow between the hundreds of cases of Whispering Angel, drunk fights & morning after make-ups, we’ve reached the end of Summer House. We know the proposal is happening tonight but before we get to that, Kyle Cooke and Amanda Batula are setting up for their LoverBoy launch party. It’s the first time Amandas parents are seeing him since they found out about Kyle’s cheating. Of course, Kyle thinks this is the perfect time to ask her dad for his permission to marry him. Despite his best judgement, Amanda’s dad says he wants whatever makes his daughter happy. What a gem of a Dad.

The time has come to drive out east for the last time this summer. To celebrate the end of rosé season, they’re throwing an RIP Summer party. This cast will turn any occasion into a theme party. Before the funeral of summer party, the newbies aka Paige DeSorbo, Hannah Berner and Jordan Verroi hire a private chef to make the house dinner. Jordan makes a weird, vague toast. As Danielle Olivera says, we still don’t know you. I still can’t believe those two made out only a few weeks ago.

Jordan Verroi Summer House

Welcome to Summer House where double standards are alive and well. According to Kyle Cooke, Paige Desorbo has been leading Carl Radke on for 2 months. If Paige has been leading Carl on then what was he doing to Lauren Wirkus for 2 summers straight? The hypocrisy is hard for me to wrap my head around. Then I remember I’m watching 35ish-year-old men act like 21 year olds. At this point, the visiting Vanderpump Rules crew seem more mature than the Summer House. Not sure who that says more about.

Before the night comes to a close, Hannah Berner and Jordan Verroi have a private chat on the patio. Hannah has hit her boiling point and I don’t blame her. For the last 2 months, Jordan has been elusive and hard to understand. She called him out for the outlandish stories and lies he continues to spew. What I love most about this house is even after a disagreement, they can put it aside and rage through the night. Paige leaves to go to Justin’s boat – I’d like a visual of this guy please and thank you.

Summer House Amanda Batula

Right off the bat, we’re in middle of a New York City avenue with Amanda Batula and Kyle Cooke where they’re reading through his DMs with his alleged make out partner. I need an official count of how many infidelity rumors Kyle had to debunk on Summer House.

She claims to have never met Kyle and therefore this is just a rumor. Amanda forgives Kyle for putting her through yet another rumor of infidelity. They’re back on track to moving in together. Amanda seems like a smart girl.  I’ll support her and her decisions, but if Kyle does anything to mess this up again, he’ll be hearing from me (in his DMs since he’s checking those regularly).

Summer House Paige DeSorbo Lindsay Hubbard

I know Summer House has been getting a bad rap this season. However, as each episode airs, I’m liking it more and more. This week, we pick up where we left off, at the Monte Carlo party, where a bomb has just dropped. Danielle Olivera spilled the beans to Paige DeSorbo about the latest Kyle Cooke cheating rumor. It’s hard to keep track of how many there have been at this point.

Lindsay Hubbard is pissed. I’m on #TeamHubbs here. It was not Danielle’s place to say anything, especially at a party where everyone is drunk.

summer-house-danielle

We’re halfway through this season of Summer House but it seems like there is plenty of drama to come. The whole house drives out to the Hamptons (minus Danielle Olivera and Kyle Cooke), have a family dinner and get ready for a night out. Right off the bat, we learn Carl Radke did not follow through on weekday plans with Paige DeSorbo like he said he would soooo she’s out. Carl says he’s put himself out there a lot with her & is too busy looking for a new job to send her a quick good morning text; how Carl can be so obtuse sometimes is beyond me. Danielle meets up the crew at a bar and somehow she and Jordan Verroi get left alone at the table and things escalate quickly.

He tells her he doesn’t want to have sex with her and she asks him if he’s a virgin (multiple times). Despite his denials, Danielle is not buying what he’s selling. Lindsay Hubbard saying that Jordan is either a virgin or Ted Bundy is truly the most accurate thing she’s said all season. Deep down I think we all know Jordan definitely has a secret he’s not willing to share with the group…yet. Part of me also thinks he just isn’t comfortable filming and is overcompensating to appear cool. It’s tough to watch but happens to the best of reality tv newbies.

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Joy to the world – Summer House recaps are here! We know, we know… we’re starting these recaps a little late this year but better late than never right? We start off episode 7 of Summer House where we left off last week with the crew congregating at home after the St. Bart’s party. Everyone drank a little too much Whispering Angel (don’t they always?) and they all hit the hay right away. Despite his best efforts, Carl Radke and Paige DeSorbo are still going to bed separately. Carl 3.0 isn’t getting as lucky as he did in Season 1 and 2. Maybe his charm only works on Lauren Wirkus?

The morning after scenes are some of the best – those Big Brother type cameras always get the most candid moments like when Amanda Batula makes a “joke” about Kyle Cooke not lasting long. Reason #100 why we love Amanda and her sass. Speaking of Amanda, she and Kyle are biting the bullet and moving in. Kyle breaks the news they owe 22 THOUSAND DOLLARS before they move in. For many, that is more than the price of a new car but that’s NYC real estate for ya. After Amanda thinks about the 11k she owes, she suggests to the group that they should have a joint “Christmas in July” birthday party for Amanda and Jordan Verroi‘s next weekend. There’s nothing this group loves more than a theme party.

Carl and Jaclyn

Last night Kyle Cooke celebrated a birthday on Summer House, but all anyone could think about or talk about or not have sex with was Carl Radke. There’s something about Carl, apparently!

While the Wirkus’s are away, Carl’s roving eye will play. And it casts its spell on Jaclyn Shuman who is all too happy to oblige – to a point. Massages in the hot tub – check! Sexual innuendo – Check! Promises to share a room – Check! Willingness to share a bed… uncheck! Jaclyn is one of those girls who just needs attention. Like if there is a peen in the vicinity she is tracking it like the Chanel coat on a mannequin that will be headed for the sample sale post season.

After she throws herself at Carl all night, and invites him to share her room, Jaclyn directs Carl to the futon and turns out the light. She giggles that she knows what she’s doing, and also that it’s going to look sooooo bad to the rest of the house. So bright and early the next morning, she skuttles into the Wirkus twins room to reveal that Carl was snoring the blue balls away on her futon. Lauren Wirkus is still trying to play it cool-ish with Carl, but Ashley Wirkus has no such compunctions!

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Summer House - Cristina

I think I understand why Kyle Cooke drinks so much on Summer House, because I would have to be drunk to survive friendships with these people. In the center of all of last night’s drama was the fractured friendship of Cristina Gibson and Lindsay Hubbard.

Ugh these two. Ugh all these twos. Especially Lindsay and Everrett Weston.

After Lindsay drunkenly announced that Cristina was fired from her job, she got in a car and slapped Everett in the face for “being rude.” This erupted into a house-wide drunken fight during which Kyle just slurred “sorry” at a bag of chips approximately 300 times, until Everett dumped Lindsay, who hid under the covers until Ashely Wirkus came to console her.

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