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Teen Mom 2 Recap

Teen Mom 2 recap

On last night’s episode of Teen Mom 2, the peace between Kailyn Lowry and Jo Rivera fell apart. After months of getting along, the two got in a heated argument, recorded on Kail’s phone. Unfortunately, Isaac witnesses the whole thing. Chelsea Houska reaches another breaking point with Adam Lind when she sees an inappropriate picture of Aubree on his Instagram. Jenelle Evans has a new family complete with a girl Jace’s age who looks just old enough to feed Kaiser. And Leah Messer finally gets the news about the girls’ custody.  

Chelsea considers stuffing a few puppies in her ridiculous over-sized lumberjack hat, but posts a few selfies on Instagram instead, where she finds Adam has posted a picture of Aubree in the bathtub. Chelsea is livid. She and her friend agree that the picture is inappropriate and a violation of Aubree’s privacy. Hasn’t she lost enough of that already in the past six years? Chelsea texts Adam asking him to take down the picture and he predictably responds in the negative.

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Teen Mom 2 recap - Corey Simms

Last night was full of game changers on Teen Mom 2.

Adam Lind made big changes in the hopes of getting partial custody of Aubree, while Chelsea Houska decided it’s time Adam pay more child support. Jo Rivera and Vee Torres welcomed a new baby girl, while Kailyn Lowry learned Javi Marroquin may be deployed overseas. The custody arrangement between Leah Messer and Corey Simms changed big time. And Jenelle Evans changed her number. Again.

Jenelle boils hot dogs for Kaiser while friend/roommate/nanny Tori’s presence assures him he’s not alone with his mom. “We gotta wipe your hands. Forget it, we’re not wiping your hands,” Jenelle says in one breath before putting Kaiser in his crib to scream alone while she hangs out in bed with Tori.

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Teen Mom 2 recap

Last night was the season premiere of Teen Mom 2. New season, new criminal charges against Jenelle Evans, new custody battle (this one with Nathan Griffin, the battle with Barbara Evans continues), and new lips. Leah Messer is anxiously waiting for the court to decide on Corey Simms’ custody petition, but it looks like Leah could use a break three nights a week and every other weekend. Chelsea Houska is probably too stable and happy for this show, but she provides a breath of fresh air after Jenelle and Leah segments. Meanwhile, Kailyn Lowry, Jo Rivera, and Vee Torres are trying to turn their co-parenting triangle into a square, but Javi Marroquin doesn’t want any part of that.

Do Jenelle’s lips really look good, or is it just that they look good compared to Farrah’s? Now if she could learn to keep them closed, that would be a real improvement! Speaking of improvement, or lack thereof, Jenelle hasn’t learned much from her previous encounters with the law and we find out she has been arrested AGAIN. This time for assault against Nathan’s new girlfriend Jessi, who looks like an older (tamer?) version of Jenelle. According to Jenelle, “the judge is gonna be like, ‘this is stupid.’” DUDE, all she did was throw water at the girl and the glass slipped! Likely story.

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jenelle evans confronts nathan about drinking

On last night’s Teen Mom 2, Jenelle and Nathan continued to be a study in dysfunction. Chelsea Houska may have broken the law, and Leah Calvert battled Corey Simms and his insurance company over Ali’s much-needed wheelchair. 

Jenelle Evans is still pregnant. But lucky girl was blessed by the court gods who don’t want to deal with her because her latest charges have been dropped. Barb brings Jace over, where he knocks over a plastic slide and nearly maims his cousin while Babs freaks out. Jenelle sits there and stares at the ground. Barbara worries about Nathan Griffith leaving Jenelle alone for 30 days – what if she gets on some ‘pregnant and single’ app! – while he goes to jail for his DUI. Barb is anxious that without Nathan, Jenelle will have to get herself to school alone. Jenelle is how old? Oh right – mentally she’s 12. And that’s generous.

However, Barbara is also worried because Nathan is violent. To be accurate, Nathan is Dr. Fakeyl and My. Lyes and he could snap at any moment – especially when his friend Mr. Alcohol joins the party! Jenelle claims they’re getting along better because they talk now. Oh that’s nice – I’m sure they have plenty of insightful things to say. Either that or the Dr. Phil Home Therapy app they downloaded and bought cliff notes for told them to just talk til they’ve got laryngitis. Hooked on Phonics Psychology, y’all! 

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Chelsea Houska Dr. Drew Teen Mom 2 S5 Reunion

Last night was the second part of the Teen Mom 2 reunion and MTV obviously wanted to save the best – best drama, that is – for last! Chelsea Houska and Jenelle Evans were on the hotseat. While Chelsea was applauded for turning her life around and finally getting over Adam Lind (we hope!), Jenelle continued to try and make us believe she had changed too. Yeah, we don't believe you. Actions speak louder than words. And so do boyfriend choices. 

Dr. Drew tackles Chelsea first. Chelsea seems really uneasy and upset about something – probably being in close proximity with Adam. Or maybe her eyelashes were puncturing her brain they were so long and spiky. Isn't she a professional?

Dr. Drew talks about her current situation with Adam. Chelsea regrets that he is not the best dad he can be for Aubree. She has no relationship with Taylor because Adam was cheating on Taylor with Chelsea. And by cheating, she means booty calls! CHELSEA! ​Chelsea says it was "months" ago – but it was while Taylor was pregnant!

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teen-mom-reunion-leah-drdrew

It's Dr. Drew time… I hope you stretched your eyeballs because they're about to be doing a lot of rolling. And if you're wearing false eyelashes because you want to look just like your favorite Teen Mom 2 star, I suggest you take them off for fear of injury during this reunion. 

The set this year is really something – don't you love the giant TM2 letters with glittering lights. Things begin with all four girls on stage. Jenelle Evans has been taking hair tips from Chelsea Houska (but Megan is her terrible hairsome clone!) – same color red, same teased style, other than that she looks very pretty and natural. Dr. Drew asks Jenelle how Jace is. She answers, "Ummmm… who? Oh yeah… ummm… oh he hasn't been paying rent so yeah!" 

Chelsea's eyelashes are a travesty. Mind you, this is her profession… Lord help South Dakota. 

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Jenelle Cries When Nathan Suggests Abortion

Last night was the season finale of Teen Mom 2. Aaaahhh… Jenelle Evans oh my, my, my. Man every single season this girl does something to make me think less of her. I mean just when I think she can't top getting arrested for heroin after marrying someone she barely knows, she goes and makes a baby with another lunatic she barely knows not 3 months after having an abortion.

For all of that, I felt a little bad for Jenelle last night – if only because it became more than abundantly clear that she is not right. Nathan Griffith is a sociopath. Something is seriously wrong with him. We will be seeing him as the subject of a Dateline NBC mystery where he has done something truly heinous. 

And also, this recap is sponsored (kidding, not really) by the maternity lingerie photo of Kailyn Lowry and topless Javi Marroquin that is framed above their bed. At least Snuffy was smiling and that may be the only smiling photo of her I've ever seen! 

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kail lowry gives birth to Isaac

Last night on Teen Mom 2 MTV let us down massively with only grainy footage of Nathan Griffith's DUI. Nathan (and Jenelle Evans) claim that since he refused a breathalyzer Nathan wasn't actually drunk, or something. 

Before we get into all of that, Chelsea Houska is trying to be more mature with Adam Lind. Chelsea has come a long way, and the only strides Adam has made is ditching that recedehawk, because he's still a COMPLETE jerk! At Aubree's pre-school pageant he drags new baby Paislee along and is snappish to Chelsea while they do crafts with Aubree. 

Later in the car with Taylor (new baby mama with double-ee named spawn of Adam) he complains that Chelsea isn't going to get be in control of his relationship with Aubree much longer. Um… really, Dumee? Is this before or after you get in a felony car crash or ditch your daughter at your parents because you don't get your way.

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