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Last night’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta was everything you hoped it would be…if you hoped it would scripted and ridiculous.

We rejoin Joseline and Stevie J hashing out baby-gate.  He thinks there is no way the baby can be his…it would be bigger.  Oh please.  Joseline threatens to take him for half of what he has, to which Stevie grabs his crotch and tell her she can have half of it.  Otherwise, she can go back to where he found her.  Wow.  I am surprised more women aren’t falling over themselves to have a chance with this winner.

K. Michelle is working with producer B. Cox to do a showcase to introduce her to local record labels.  She admits to going slightly crazy at Jive, so B. Cox tells her she needs to be shaking hands and kissing babies…not screaming in the lobby of labels.

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Scrappy goes to tell Momma Dee that he is going to move out of Erica’s house.  He loves Erica, but he doesn’t need to be with her if she can’t be affectionate.  Momma Dee agrees with her son…she raised him to be able “to be with and sleep with whoever he wants,” so he doesn’t need to be with the one woman who won’t give it to him.

Rasheeda and Kirk Frost meet for lunch to discuss the repercussions of her being late for the video shoot.  When she’s late, they spend money in the already small budget.  Kirk asks Rasheeda if she would consider a deal with a major label so they wouldn’t need to hustle to hard.  She thinks her best  bet is to remain an independent artist so she can have more control over her brand.

While Erica agrees that Scrappy should have his own place, she wants to do something special for him before he leaves.  It’s time to light some candles, sprinkle some rose petals, and don the best pair of fishnet thigh-highs and red pleather stilettos.  Very special.  Scrappy is floored, and he loves getting a foot massage.  He takes this opportunity to tell her he’s found a place to move.  Perfect timing!

Erica, Karlie, Mimi Faust, and Ariane are having a girls night to celebrate K. Michelle’s showcase.  She leads with a break-up song.  She has an amazing voice.  Karlie then points out to Mimi another different woman who claims to have recently slept with Stevie.  As if Mimi is going to believe that!  Stevie takes that moment to approach the table and demand a kiss from Mimi who he believes has been giving him the stink eye.  When she refuses, he accuses her of showing out in front of her friends.  Erica then has the ladies laughing with her tough guy impression of Stevie who happens to overhear.  He tells Erica that she doesn’t know who she’s messing with and calls her a b*tch.  Oooh threats!   He storms off, calling the ladies “slut monkeys.”  Classy.  Thankfully she only heard him call her a b*tch.  Mimi hopes the girls can see what she has to put up with as far as her man is concerned.  Ariane can’t believe Mimi is even entertaining the idea of still being with such a putz.  

Mimi wants us all to know she’s hard.  She isn’t going to let Stevie off so easily.  In fact, Mimi locked him out of their house…that he doesn’t live in because he’s always sleeping at his recording studio with Joseline.  The next morning, Mimi questions why Stevie went off on Erica.  Stevie blames alcohol and wants to apologize to Erica.  Mimi is confused as to why Joseline is saying she slept with Stevie if she didn’t.  He doesn’t remember.  Stevie wishes that Mimi would stop listening to what all the ladies (he uses that term loosely) have to say about him.  Stevie only has eyes for Mimi…in this scripted scene, at least.

Reuben visits with Joseline.  As her neighbor and biffle, he’s confused to find out that she is pregnant with Stevie’s child.  Joseline attributes Stevie for getting her out of stripping.  She’s had a tragic upbringing, and she has Stevie to thank for getting her on this show making her a musician.  Reuben thinks that the entire situation is ridiculous.  Stevie is just “doing him.”  He encourages Joseline to talk with Mimi.  Because that will be productive.

Erica is helping Scrappy move out, but she’s happy about how their relationship is progressing.  Erica tells Scrappy about her run-in with Stevie J the night before.  Erica reveals that she may have mocked him, and Scrappy is livid to find out that Stevie called Erica a b*tch.  She wants an apology, and Scrappy assures Erica that she WILL get her apology, even if “roughing up” is involved.  JK, LOL.  Scrappy plans on being “politically hood correct” when he approaches Stevie as he’s on probation and all.

K. Michelle wants Ariane’s opinion on her showcase.  Karlie apparently made the mistake of approaching K. Michelle’s manager to tell him that he signed the wrong artist.  Ariane knows that Karlie has angered Mimi in the past.  K. Michelle is beyond peeved that Karlie is trying to steal her manager when she doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page.  Karlie is messy.  Lesson learned.

K. Michelle meets with music manager Jeff Robinson about building her brand.  He is quick to remind her that she has a reputation for being crazy in the industry because of her abusive relationship.  Could this dude be any more monotone?  When she begins to cry, he’s happy to see her tears.  Jeff knows that tears are real, and she needs to take responsibility for her past and her future.  I am so confused by hip hop.

Joseline invites Mimi to join her for dinner.  WHAT?  Joseline reveals that Stevie was with her for three months straight after the pair met, and her baby is his.  Mimi refuses to lose her cool, and she’s not a fool.  Joseline is a stripper…any dude could have gotten her pregnant.  Is Mimi listening to herself?  Please have some self-respect.  Stevie is texting Joseline during the ladies’ conversation.  Mimi doesn’t think that’s a bad sign, she just asks Joseline to text him back to join them.  Is she kidding me?

Cue Stevie Joseline says that Stevie got her pregnant.  He has Joseline’s pregnancy test in her pocket.  He’s classy.  Stevie admits to sleeping with Joseline, but not in the time frame that would allow Joseline to get pregnant.  Mimi storms out, and Stevie and Joseline get violent.  WHO GAVE THESE PEOPLE A SHOW?  PLEASE, VH1, TELL ME WHY YOU HAVE THIS TRAIN WRECK ON THE AIR?

Stevie once again approaches Joseline, threatening her with her career.  Joseline is finally learning that he’s a snake.  Is he not mortified that his embarrassing life is being played out on national television?  Joseline gets emotional, claiming that Stevie likes to dominate women.  She reminds him about the many times she’s challenged him when he tells her he can send her back to the strip club.  He makes some underhanded comments before leaving.  What a charmer!

Next week, Mimi and Stevie fight over past issues, but he still declares his love for JoselineErica is secure in her relationship with Scrappy, but he’s tempted by a VH1 extra.  Scrappy challenges Stevie J.  Atlanta, as a city that wants to be seen as just normal, cries.

WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE?  ARE YOU STILL WATCHING?

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