I'm not going to lie, but I've got some tissue on hand for the series finale of Jersey Shore. I always get super teary when shows end…Zack and Kelly's wedding, the final Family Ties, Who's the Boss, and don't even get me started on Friends! However, I can honestly say I've never gotten sad about the end of a reality show. Hopefully, that's the norm. I don't remember getting upset saying good-bye to any of the Real World casts (more like good riddance!), and I barely noticed when my fave Rosie Pope didn't get renewed. However, for some odd and unknown reason, these orange meatballs and gorilla juiceheads are different.
After being accosted by a friend to give the show a chance, I was appalled. Who wears slippers out in public and thinks it's funny to show their Britneys while on the dance floor? What idiots tan every day and use enough hairspray that we may have cause to sue them for global warming? Sadly, I was quickly won over by Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, Jenni "JWoww" Farley, Vinny Guadagnino, DJ Pauly D Delvecchio, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, Deena Cortese, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, and Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola. Yes, their antics showed no inkling of decorum or maturity, and yes, I was (and still am) grossed out by many of their actions, but in a world of reality television show where cast mates hate one another, it was beyond refreshing to see this group grow into a legitimate family. I have no doubt that the majority of them will still be pranking each other in the assisted living facility. Hanging out for a day with Vinny and Pauly is on my bucket list. Instead of VPL being code for visible panty line, it would be Vinny/Pauly/Lauren. I digress (what else is new?). On to the recap…I'm wearing my favorite airbrushed tank top, my whitest pair of sneakers, and leopard print track pants. My hand is wrapped around some Ron-Ron juice (kidding, I don't want to die!), and I'm ready to wish these imbeciles well. Do you think it's a coincidence that their show ends the night before many doomsdayers think we're all goners?
The roommates have decided to throw a giant bonfire party on the beach. They plan to invite all of their family and friends to commemorate their final MTV summer together. Pauly and Vinny are in charge of getting wood. Erection jokes ensue. The wood won't fit in their vehicle, so Vinny is forced to wheel it home on the handcart while Pauly follows behind him in the SUV. Classic VP. A party rental place is delivering tables, chairs, and the like. I guess these people can finally afford a legitimate party. They even bring the grill to the beach. Pauly lights the bonfire. Oh yeah, fi-arh, yeah!
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Vinny's mom has brought a ton of food. All of the roommates have family members in attendance, tons of friends, and a giant fan base watching from the boardwalk. Roger and Jionni arrive with bouquets for their ladies which are hilariously proportionate to their body size. If anyone missed what Mike was saying at the party, he's in the best shape of his life. It was such a quick statement, and he only said it once, so you may not have caught it. Jionni scores some extra loving from Nicole by creaming Mike in beach football. That's quite a situation.
I'm beyond thrilled to see Uncle Nino in attendance. Sammi shares with her parents that she and Rawn have had an amazing, drama-free summer. While her parents are happy that no caboodles kits or reading glasses were harmed in the filming of this season, they aren't keen on her daughter's announcement that she wants to move in with Rawn. Likewise, Ronnie's dad isn't totally on board with their once volatile relationship. All in all, it was quite a shindig.
The roommates head to their last shift at the Shore Store. Danny is going to miss all of his employees…except maybe Mike. I don't blame him. All of the crew is nostalgic about their last day. Snooki has high hopes that if the Shore Store is around when Lorenzo is a teenager that he will be able to work there. After seeing the devastation brought upon the shore last month, her pre-Sandy and totally lighthearted comment is so sad. After work, Sammi and Jenni go to the tanning bed, crossing their fingers that Paula won't be working. Um, can't they just go to a different place? Apparently not. The girls are uncomfortable when they arrive to tan and are met with cakes that Paula has left for Mike for his birthday. Shocker! Couldn't resist.
The girls deliver the baked goods to Mike while all of the roommates joke about Paula J/K LOLing about Mike being a d-bag in his birthday card Pauly is concerned the cake may be poisoned. Of course, he eats it anyway. Rawn isn't going anywhere that sweet treat. Pauly and Vinny decide they need to retaliate against Sammi for locking them out on the balcony. The duo decides to move her and Rawn's room up stairs, but they inadvertently pop Ronnie's air mattress. Um, why are they sleeping on an air mattress? They quickly replace the deflating bed. Upon returning home from date night, the couple finds the deflated bed, and Ronnie is trying his hardest to inflate it. Instead of getting mad at Vin and Pauly, Rawn gets upset with Sammi for pulling such a lame prank that has now culminated in his bed being popped.
It's Mike's birthday, and Pauly gives a sleeping Sitch his well wishes before heading downstairs. Sammi comes into the den a few minutes later, and he promptly apologizes for the mattress debacle. He explains to Sam that they were only trying to move it upstairs when it popped. She isn't angry at all and commences with baking Mike a birthday cake. Rawn gets up and he's still uber-pissed…but only at Sam. Why is she baking a cake when his mattress is donezo? He can't even talk to her. Get off the 'roids, Rawn! I'm worried about any caboodles that may be occupying the shore house. The roommates eat the deliciousness (oh, look, there's Deena–finally!) before heading up to the balcony to watch a fireworks show that is, I assume, coincidental. Mike is proud that he is celebrating his first birthday totally sober. Good for him (no sarcasm)! Sam questions Rawn about his misplaced anger. Can't they just laugh off the prank and call it a night?
Ronnie can't get over the fact that her lame lock-out from a few weeks ago caused Vin and Pauly to feel the need to retaliate, thus popping his mattress. Um, you're a millionaire. Go buy another one. The couple resorts to Rawn and Sam from past seasons, so Vin breaks out the snacks to listen to madness. Ronnie is cussing like it's his job, and he can't believe that Sam won't take responsibility for being the catalyst that ruined his air mattress. He then breaks up with her. Is this guy for real? I won't miss Rawn. When she asks how she can fix the situation, he tells her she needs to apologize and maybe bring him flowers. She balks. I balk. Sammi shouldn't be sorry for anything…except maybe for being the lamest prankster ever. How dare she bake Mike a cake after Rawn was forced to sleep on a deflated bed? She professes her love and promises she'll do whatever it takes to make things right. Ronnie forgives her. Wow, this is such a healthy relationship!
We've come to the final day (ever! I'm not crying yet…Rawn's 'roid rage kind of helped me get over the show), and Vin, Mike, Sam, and Ronnie have their last GTL. When they head to the tanning salon, Mike is the first to get a bed. While he's tucked away in a UV wonderland, Paula's co-workers inquire as to whether any of the roommates ate the cake she gifted Mike. When questioned as to why, we viewers are treated to a Jersey Shore logo across a cell phone picture. We learn that Paula had one of her guy friends rub his junk (I never thought I'd type that in a million years) all over the icing. Vin is so glad that he didn't eat that cake. I'm sure Pauly won't feel the same. On the way home, Rawn reveals that the cake was topped with nuts…and not almonds. Mike is so confused, but he seems to have talked himself out of the memory of ever eating said cake. At home, Pauly learns the news. He's pretty laid back about it, but he wants to go pee on her car just to call it even. Deena overhears and admits that she also indulged in the cake.
Mike takes to the duck phone to get to the bottom of the situation (ha!). Paula pretends that she can't hear him. He hangs up and demolishes the duck phone with his crisp white K-Swiss. RIP duck phone. You had a good run. For someone who went mental when his $50 air mattress was popped in a prank war, Rawn finds it hilarious that Paula has pulled off the most amazing prank in the history of Jersey Shore. I'm betting he would feel differently had he eaten the cake. Deena is no longer Team Paula. Not shocking (that never gets old!).
The gang decides to spend their last night
partying calmly lounging on their balcony. My, how times have changed! Thanks for joining, Snooki! We're treated to season one premiere highlights and Snooki's bar beatd own. Snooki is thrilled that she's gotten older, but yet she's still the same person…with a pregnancy. Deena's introduction is revisited, as is the JWoww/Pauly first season hook-up. I like the reminiscing, but this isn't bringing the waterworks. It seems very rehearsed. I still love them.
On their final morning, Pauly decides to wake up the roommates by banging pots together. He even heads over to Snooki's apartment. The group cooks their last breakfast, and everyone is extremely nostalgic. Okay, now I'm starting to get a little sad. It's time to pack, and I adore seeing Pauly carefully store his cans of hairspray. He jokes with Vin that they neither thought they would end up as best friends. The gang does their final confessionals, and okay, my eyes are watering. Perhaps I need to be more like Pauly…he doesn't cry, he just laughs. JWoww sends me over the edge, but it's just one tear. Plus, I know I'll see them again…like on upcoming reunion. I really love these crazy characters.
TELL US-WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE FINALE? HONESTLY, I WAS EXPECTING LESS TEABAGGED CAKES AND MORE NOSTALGIA.
[Photo Credit: MTV]