Oh Robertsons, it's been far too long!  Like most of y'all, I have been waiting for last night's season premiere of Duck Dynasty, and (no shocker) Willie, Jase, Si, Phil, and their families did not disappoint.  I couldn't love this show more if I tried.  Sure, there are some scripted elements, but the family love, the faith, and the humor are anything but, and it's just as humbling as it is entertaining to watch.  I'm so thrilled to get to recap the new season. 

The guys are hanging out in the warehouse, and I feel like it's a bunch of Santa's elves hanging out…if Santa's elves wore camo and had a subscription to Field and Stream.  It's no coincidence that Jase likens the boys' anticipation on Duck Season Eve to be that of children waiting for Old St. Nick to make an appearance.  Si thinks he'll be sleighing slaying (sorry, horrible word play!) ducks with not only his rifle, but with his mesmerizing stare.  No doubt we have some readers who wouldn't mind being hypnotized by Si's googly eyes, but I won't call out any of y'all Soncee!  Si must be very careful with how he directs said stare…he doesn't want to knock himself out with its power when he looks in the mirror!

Jase is shocked to hear that Willie will be camping with the boys on Duck Season Eve.  Willie reminds him that it is a family tradition.  He's still a redneck, right?  RIGHT?  Si and Jase then start in on a hilarious diatribe of Willie's idea of roughing it…like opening a garage door manually, having the wrong comfort setting on his sleep number bed, watching a DVD instead of Blu-Ray (you KILL me, Si!), or having to unload the dishwasher because his wife is out of town.  Jase can't believe that Willie is ready to brave the wilderness…after all, he frequents coffee shops.  God, I LOVE this family!  The boys convince Willie to give them the day off so they can prepare for their camping adventure. 


Jase reminds us that he doesn't bathe for a week before hunting season starts.  No one has yet met Phil's sixty day shower strike.  Phil admits that he won't be camping out with this sons.  Instead, he'll be using Miss Kay as his sleeping bag, the woman from whose loins his sons came forth.  Jase can't cut his father off fast enough…Phil's out for the overnighter!  Si thinks it's hilarious that his nephews think they're roughing it in the wilderness, given the fact that their trucks house enough equipment to survive a zombie nuclear "apocaliss."  Of course, Si knows that the zombies wouldn't have much to feed off of given the boys' brain capacity.  We are then treated to Si's Storytelling 101.  I can honestly say I'm a better person for it.

Willie shows up to the camp-out in his RV, and Jase is beyond embarrassed.  Doesn't his brother know how to rough it?  Willie is no longer camping, he's parking.  Jase cites Willie's beard as nothing more than a decoration and demands his brother give up his man-card.  Jase loses brother Jep to Willie's fancy camping digs and his video games.  Willie feels like he's really bonding with his younger sibling.  Outside the RV, the remaining guys are getting eaten alive by bugs.


Phil isn't regretting his decision to stay home, and he's hoping that Miss Kay will indulge him with "tradition number two."  Not until he showers!  Out in the woods, Si is shooting up a rotting log.  Lesson one of roughing it is "never go anywhere without a pistol."  The boys realize they don't have as much deer sausage as they thought, so Si volunteers to walk back to Phil's to pilfer his freezer.  It's lesson number one (again) of roughing it: Always have your buddies' backs. 

In Miss Kay's kitchen, Phil is trying to use scripture to score with his wife.  Miss Kay sees through his ruse, and she's happy when Si interrupts.  He's more than willing to stay for some of his sister-in-law's jambalaya…forget about his rules for roughing it!  At the camp, the Duck Commander guys are one-by-one being lured by Willie's RV and the promise of pasta.  Jase is doing his best to refrain from joining his brother's Girl Scout meeting.  At Phil and Kay's house, Si reminds us of rule number one of roughing it…yet again.  You have to rest a full stomach for digestive purposes, y'all!  Phil wants to take a page from Si's horizontal playbook, and Kay is more than willing to play…as soon as her husband reintroduces himself to soap. 


Even though Jase and employee Martin have been reduced to eating marshmallow sandwiches (aka "mallow dogs"), Jase is proud that they are able to continue to rough it.  Martin takes that as his cue to join the rest of the crew in the RV.  Back at home, a sly Kay convinces Phil to shower, and Si relays the dream he had while sleeping on their sofa.  He remembers hearing the squeals of a hyena and a lion.  I'm going to stop right there.  The following morning, Jase, Phil, and Si go duck hunting, but the RV oversleeps.  That evening, Phil blesses his family's duck filled meal as Willie leaves us with lessons learned regarding traditions.

Thankfully, A&E loves its viewers, so we have back to back new episodes of Duck Dynasty.  The second show treats us to Willie preparing for his high school reunion.  He is excited to show off his beautiful wife and the fact he's not bald.  Gracious, Willie was hot in his prom picture.  Jase makes fun of him for wanting to go to his reunion.  He went frog gigging instead of attending his.  Jase gets under his brother's skin about putting on a little weight.  Fear not Willie, you're every bit as precious now as you were in that prom picture.

Jase, Phil, and Si are dove hunting.  After all, doves are the filet mignon from the sky.  Si's dog isn't the best at bird retrieval, but Phil thinks that his brother is to blame for the dog's lack of motivation.  Si's dog would rather tease him by running off with his spoils than actually work with him. 

Back at Willie's house, Korie is helping her husband pick out an outfit for his big night.  He can't fit into the jacket she recently bought him.  Korie invites him to join her at yoga if he wants to shed a few pounds.  He doesn't need a fancy stretching class to help him lose weight.  At Phil and Kay's house, Miss Kay is having a full-on conversation with the family pets.  Si shares that he's ready to trade in his current hunting dog for a newer model.  Kay offers to help Si find the perfect canine mate. 

The following day at the warehouse, Jase is a) frightened; b) amused; c) dumbfounded; or d) all of the above when he walks in Willie's office to find his brother going to town with a shake weight.  That's no easy feat.  I have one.  Hi.  My name is Lauren, and I am addicted to anything that has its own infomercial.  Jase is mortified by his brother's attempts to get in shape, and he offers to be his brother's wilderness weight loss coach.  This should be good!

Kay and Si go in search of the perfect pooch for Si.  He has some serious requirements for his next hunting dog.  Just like he does with cars and mattresses (oh Lord), Si wants to take a dog for a test run.  Kay proclaims that if Si were dog, they'd have to put him down.  Bless him.  He's just phenomenal.


Jase has Willie chopping firewood in some Karate Kid hybrid work-out plan.  Willie would almost rather head to the gym than to be ridiculed by his brothers.  He heads to yoga with Korie.  Poor Willie can't get into any of the poses, and it's hilarious.  Korie and Willie's daughter arrives to watch the remainder of the class, and she's escorted by none other than a mortified Phil.  What has his son become?  A downward dogging happy baby?  The thought!

Si has found his ultimate hunting dog…a poodle.  The dog is fancy, poised, doesn't give a poo what anyone thinks, and has some giant cajones…just like Si.  They are a match made in heaven.  Back at their house, Korie and Willie's kids anxiously await their parents' debut before the reunion.  Not too shabby!  Willie is thrilled to have lost enough weight to fit in the jacket Korie bought.  Korie is thrilled that she saved the receipt for said jacket and exchanged it for a bigger size without Willie's knowledge.  The episode ends with the different members of the Robertson family enjoying their time together and remembering what is important.  Welcome back, boys.  Welcome back.



[Photo Credit: A&E]

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