Last week's Dance Moms was emotionally draining for Abby Lee Miller given the loss of her dog. This week it was nice to get back to the petty drama…especially if said drama includes Abby speed-dating and Jill getting thrown under the bus after trying to claw daughter Kendall's way into Abby's good graces.  Jill, watch seasons past and learn.  There is a definite protocol to being Abby's pet, and it's called being named "Maddie". 

When the episode begins, Abby is glad that her girls won their most recent competition, but she's quick to remind them that it isn't their best performance.  She rails on Chloe for deviating from the choreography in the group number.  She unveils the pyramid, and Paige is on the bottom for being good but not great.  Apparently she didn't dance with her face.  Kendall joins her because she faded into the woodwork.  Jill isn't happy with Abby's choice.  Brooke rounds out the bottom for being the oldest who isn't standing out as a leader among the group.  Nia is on the second rung…third on the pyramid to coincide with her third overall finish.  Holly is proud.  MacKenzie joins her.  Not surprisingly, Maddie has found herself back on top yet again.  This garners an eyeroll from Jill.  Chloe doesn't even make the pyramid, and Christi bites her tongue.

This week, the troupe is heading to New Jersey.  MacKenzie is still out of the group dance.  Abby is bringing in a boy to compete with the girls.  MacKenzie and Maddie both get solos.  Kendall and Nia are granted a duet.  I love seeing Nia getting some well-deserved props.  Abby introduces Nick as the boy lead, and all his counterparts are squealing with excitement.  Brooke will be the female lead.  Aww, I see a prom date in their future!  In the dance, Brooke is dying and Maddie is her daughter.  Abby hopes that Maddie's facial expressions will carry the number.  It's like a Les Mis situation minus the French Revolution.  In the veiwing room, Christi waxes poetic about their girls finding their first love.  That conversation quickly turns to introducing Abby to speed dating.  This is going to be a great episode!  Operation Find A Man For Abby commences.  Jill wants to find a man for Abby in hopes of furthering Kendall's dance career.


The following day, Christi and Chloe are running late for rehearsals, and Abby is on the war path.  Holly hopes that Christi isn't trying to prove a point since Chloe didn't get a solo this week.  When the pair arrives, Christi blames traffic.  Melissa has rented a limo so all of the ladies can have a night out on the town…with Abby being conned into a speed dating situation.  MacKenzie is working on her solo, but it's quite an adult theme…a fighting couple trying to come to terms with their crumbling relationship.  Totes appropriate for a seven-year-old. 

Abby is strong armed by the moms into a ladies' night.  She's confused as to why they need a limo.  When Abby learns that Christi will be attending, Abby backs out of the outing.  When Jill uninvites Christi, she's happy for the reprieve.  Kidding, she's bitter that none of the other moms came to her defense.  Abby and the moms share a champagne toast in the back of the limo.  The ladies nonchalantly probe Abby for her type of man.  She wants a young George Clooney.  I think if George Clooney is litmus test, his age should be taken off the table.  Abby should be thrilled to have an octogenarian Clooney.  I would be!  She wants a classy man who can speak multiple languages and isn't pigeon toed.  That shouldn't be too hard to find! 


The women arrive at the speed dating venue, and Abby is actually a good sport.  This is going to be amazing.  I have to give Abby some credit…she's good at flirting!  She hilarious as she updates the moms who are waiting in the wings.  Jill hopes that Abby is successful in her quest for love because she'll be the hero and Kendall will be off the bottom of the pyramid.  Abby holds her own with the gentlemen, and an older, handsome suave man positions himself across from her.  He begins chatting, and Abby informs him that she's never dated a "man of color."  Is that politically correct?  I'll give it to her, she doesn't mince words.  The two are getting along famously, and Abby admits to hooking up on the fifty yard line of her high school football field.  Score!  Literally.

At the studio, Nia and Kendall are working on their duet.  They have shovels as props.  Abby hopes that Jill is watching closely…her daughter isn't quite up to par.  Maddie then rehearses her solo, and she can clearly do know wrong.  Holly is worried that Nia is being set up to fail because the other moms are putting it in her head that Abby wants Kendall to be a superstar.  Jill enlists Kendall in a private lesson to practice her duet.  Christi wonders why Jill wouldn't want Nia in that lesson as well.  When Holly confronts Jill, Jill flat out lies and tells her that the instructor approached her about working with Kendall.  Does Jill realize what those cameras are doing…aka filming her every move?  Abby jokes with the girls about the importance of having a significant other.  She shares her speed dating experience with her dancers, but her heart belongs to a guy in Los Angeles.  The moms wonder if Abby knows that her man in LA is sweet on other men. 


The ALDS crew arrives in New Jersey, and Abby reminds everyone of their poor track record there.  Poor Nia is very sick, and Abby pulls Maddie aside to see if she's familiar with the duet.  She tells Maddie to have Kendall teach her the dance.  Abby pulls Jill aside, and Jill explains that she'd rather have Kendall do the dance as a solo than to have Kendall duet with Maddie.  Jill approaches Nia and reminds her that she doesn't have to perform if she's sick.  Really Jill?  Do you have any wire hangers you want to pull out right about now?

MacKenzie performs her solo, and she's amazing.  I just have to tune out the lyrics from her song to I can focus more on her fabulous dancing and less on the underlying theme of domestic abuse.  Jill pulls Kendall out of the staging room to get some extra practice time.  She tells Abby that she's taking Kendall to the bathroom.  Abby prompts Holly to investigate, and Jill is a bit flustered when Holly appears and offers to go get Nia so the girls can rehearse together.  Once again, Jill lies to Holly's face about trying to advance her daughter at the expense of others.  Of course, Abby turns tables and wonders why Jill cares what the other moms think as long as she's doing what she thinks is best for her daughter.


Kendall and Nia perform their solo, and Jill is happy with the dance.  I'm no Abby, but the girls weren't quite in synch.  Maddie is up next with her solo.  I love this child, but she is totally rocking airbrushed abs.  Inappropriate much?  Spray tanning aside, she is flawless as always.  There is no time to dwell on the precious dancing because the moms are on Jill about uninviting Christi from the speed dating excursion.  Jill admits that she's willing to do whatever she has to do to make sure her daughter succeeds.  The group dance shines.  That Nick is quite a talent! 

At the awards ceremony, MacKenzie places second in her solo division, and her older sister also gets second.  Abby is livid.  Nia and Kendall place fifth in duets, and Jill blames Abby's choreography.  The group dance garners what Abby considers to be "biggest loser" aka second place.  Abby comes into the staging area spewing hate regarding her dancers' performances.  I kind of want to remind her that her dog just died.  She's being super hateful.

Next week, we're getting two hours for the price of one!  I don't even know what to say…


[Photo Credit: Lifetime]


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