Wednesdays used to be my least favorite day of the week, but now that Duck Dynasty is back, Wednesday and I are getting along a whole lot better. I'm convinced that if Jase, Willie, Si, and Phil Robertson can't put a smile on your face, then there really isn't much hope.
Last night's episode began with Miss Kay cleaning up her kitchen while Phil touts the uses for turpentine. Here's a hint–it needs to be used to clean up Hollyweird. Willie arrives and informs his parents that they are going to be having their portraits made with their pets. He can't believe he bought his parents such a stellar gift and they've yet to cash in on it. Willie made an appointment so that Phil and Miss Kay would have no other choice. We're less than three minutes in, and Phil gives me a line that could potentially be my favorite of the season. "Pet photographer? That's the degree you get when you're rejected from a degree in aromatherapy. 'Merica." Lord, I love this family.
At Korie and Willie's house, daughter Sadie is preparing some meatballs for her mom's spaghetti. Korie isn't quite up to par with Miss Kay when it comes to knowing her way around a kitchen. Willie learns that his son and his girlfriend have broken up, but he can't focus on the boy's heartbreak when he has jars of spaghetti sauce to wrestle. The following day, Jase is griping about a recent customer complaint. According to Jase, the guy thought he had a broken duck call, but it turns out (after extensive research on Jase's part) that the guy was blowing into the wrong end. Why, if I had a dollar for every time that happened!
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Willie interrupts the boys' warehouse gossip to inform them of the break-up. Brother Jep knows exactly who, how, when, and why said break-up happened. It's safe to say that Jep said more in that one exchange than he has in all the show's seasons combined. Jase believes that nothing takes a young man's mind of a break up than "going into the woods." Apparently shooting a deer is the quickest way to let a girl know you've moved on from the relationship. Willie agrees, and he plans to grab his son from school to spend the weekend roughing it with his relatives.
Phil is working in the garden while Kay is giving some extra attention to the pair's pooches. They are about to be photographed after all! The photographer Seth arrives, and Phil is wary of the guy's hair products and Member's Only jacket. The exchange become awkward making it all the more fabulous for the viewers! Between Seth's skinny jeans and his penchant for wearing two watches, he doesn't have much in common with the Robertson patriarch.
Jase, Jep, and Si are determined to take Willie's son's mind off of his break-up with some hunting. Si remembers a time in college when a girl broke up with him by saying, "It's not you, it's me." Si replied, "Darn right it's you, you heifer!" Si is wonderful. Willie arrives with his son who tries (to no avail) to convince the men in his life that he's totally fine being single.
Kay is having a blast with the pet photo shoot…Phil? Not so much. When the photographer jokes that one of the dogs isn't as excited as they need for the photo shoot, Phil deadpans that the pooch is better off dead. Meanwhile, Willie's son John Luke is trying to ward off all of the horrible advice of his family members, and he hopes that his grandfather and uncles will recognize that he isn't as heartbroken as they think he is. After all, he only dated the girl for a month! Jase reminds his nephew that he needs to be the one the girls are chasing, not other way around.
Poor Seth is definitely out of his element, but he tries his best to get the pups into position with his fancy organic dog treats. Of course, he physically recoils when Phil shoots a squirrel out of a tree and has the dog retrieve it. Phil wonders what could be more organic than a squirrel which is part of nature. He is certainly not going to cut this city-fied camera man any slack. Seth is certainly talented though, and he memorializes what will surely become a classic photograph:
Out in the woods, the boys are trying their best to cheer up a not at all downtrodden John Luke…after all, it's not like they dated all that long. The guys seem to think he's in denial. Jase reminds John Luke that with three billion women in the world, there are plenty of fish in the sea. He'll find someone else. Willie doesn't want Jase giving his son an ego by thinking he has a shot with that many women. Not surprisingly, this prompts Si to start naming every single fish he can think of in typical Si fashion. All the fish talk reminds John Luke he had a great one, so he quickly gets back together with Emily via text message. Ah, young love in a digital age!
Last night's second episode further proves why I love this family so much. Only the Robertsons could make capturing a lizard in the warehouse so entertaining. It reminds me of the crazy antics my friends and I would get into back when were ten-year-olds. Before the cold-blooded hijnks can start, Willie is excited when he's offered to participate in a ride-along with a local police officer. Si is so tired of Willie brushing him aside to talk to "important" people. Si's ears perk up when he hears of the ride-along, and he's all set to make sure he's part of the fun.
Meanwhile, Martin has brought an Indonesian lizard into the warehouse which is part of his Master's work in, as Jase so eloquently puts it, "some kind of -ology." The guys have named the reptile Josey Wales, Jr. No matter how mature men may become, they are never above the joy that comes with seeing something eat bugs. They take great pleasure in feeding Josey crickets…that is until the box of "snacks' overturns releasing the crickets into the warehouse. LIttle do they know that the crickets are only the first escapees of the episode.
Not only has Si weaseled his way into Willie's fun ride along, he's sporting a bulletproof vest. If that isn't bad enough for Willie, Si claims shotgun, leaving Willie to cram in the back of the car like some perp. He tries to ignore the pungent smell of body odors from criminals past and focus on the day's cop drama. Unfortunately, the Robertson's home town is a far cry from NYPD Blue, and the most action the Barney Fifes get is using the speed gun to catch motorists flying through a 25 MPH zone at the breakneck speed of 28 MPH. Luckily, when Jase's wife Missy decides to channel her inner Carl Edwards (I love the 99!) and zoom through the speed trap at 27 MPH, Willie gets to have some fun. They pull over his sister-in-law, and Willie uses the bullhorn to get her out of the car. I don't know whether Missy is more relieved that she's not getting a real ticket or furious at her crazy family, but it's fun to watch nonetheless.
Back at the warehouse, Josey Wales, Jr. has planned its escape and is running loose in the Duck Commander headquarters. After searching to no avail, the guys call in Phil for his tracking expertise. While initially saddened that they were just trying to capture Josey–not kill the poor thing for an exotic meal–Phil quickly gets into the chase. Martin doesn't want any harm to come to his school project. In a moment of sheer genius (insanity?), Phil covers the floor with flour so they can track Josey. Mission accomplished, and, as Si would say, Hakuna Matata.
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[Photo Credit: A&E]