Last night we were treated to two full hours of Abby Lee Miller and Lifetime's Dance Moms.  Not only were social issues tackled, Melissa found a very blinged out wedding dress and Abby went on a date with a former stripper.  Good times, y'all!

The girls are back in the studio, and Kelly is wearing her finest bondage attire.  Abby isn't thrilled with all of the second place finishes, but she's much calmer than normal.  She says that everyone needs to be knocked down a few pegs…even Maddie.  Abby isn't going to yell this week, she just feels that clearly the girls don't want to be winners.  It is what it is.  Passive aggressive Abby is almost worse than screaming Abby!  MacKenzie is at the bottom of the pyramid for allowing eleven looming points to come between her and the dancer who placed in front of her.  Nia is next, with Abby content on blaming the fact that Nia was sick…and therefore sloppy.  An also sloppy Paige finishes out the bottom.  Maddie is on the second tier for bobbling, and the poor girl fights back the tears.  Kendall is one above Maddie thanks to Jill's cut throat tactics.  Holly is quick to say that she'd rather have her daughter low on the pyramid than utilize Jill's dirty tricks.  Brooke is on the top, and while Kelly is thrilled, Abby reminds her that she has a target on her back.  A timid Chloe raises her hand to ask about her placement.  Abby explains that Chloe is still suspended, and she hopes that Chloe will realize that her mother is her biggest enemy when it comes to dance.  Good times!

The group dance is called "Don't Ask, Just Tell" and is based on the policy of gays in the military.  That's some pretty heavy subject matter, right?  Brooke, Kendall, and Maddie get solos.  Abby dismisses the girls and calls the moms onto the dance floor.  She decides to yell at them for wanting a sweet dance teacher instead of someone who creates winners.  The mothers then give their daughters a pep talk in the hallway.  Abby enlists the girls into a boot camp.  She wants blood, sweat, and tears…literally! 

In the viewing room, Melissa admits that she's been looking for honeymoon destinations.  Christi notices that her friend is wearing a wedding band.  Melissa dodges questions as to whether she's already married, and the women joke about times in the past that they've tried to help Melissa plan her wedding.  Why bother…they aren't invited!  The moms are confused as to why Abby chose this theme for the group dance.  Christi thinks this is Abby's way of showing support for the gay community.  Holly vocalizes that she doesn't find it fair that Jill was praised for her sneaky ways.  The other moms tend to agree with Holly, and Jill makes loads of excuses for her behavior.  She's no longer going to hide the fact she'll do whatever to get her daughter to the top.


While chatting with Melissa, a giddy Abby takes a phone call from a man.  She's laughing and flirting instead of rehearsing with the girls.  Abby plans a date for the following evening.  Jill is thrilled…whatever makes Abby happy makes Jill, and thus Kendall, happy.  This scene couldn't be more staged.  Christi wants Abby's love life to be a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" scenario.  Holly, Jill, and Melissa question Abby about the new man in her life.  Apparently she met him at a gas station after her ill-fated speed dating excursion. 

Kendall is rehearsing her solo, and Jill is over the moon.  Of course, when Abby accuses Kendall of being "dead in the face" and hints that she's the anti-Maddie, Jill isn't too thrilled.  Before the group dance, MacKenzie tells Abby that she's hurt her foot.  When Melissa goes to investigate, her daughter is sobbing because she's scared of letting down Abby.  Melissa approaches Abby, and Abby suspects that MacKenzie is just scared about being the weakest link.  She joins the group, and the other moms wonder why Abby is letting the injured girl dance.  Meanwhile, Jill wants to throw Melissa a bridal shower.  Christi reminds the group that last time they got excited for Melissa, they were treated to a cease and desist letter.


Abby gets a manicure for her date, and she's ambushed by Jill, Holly, and Melissa who think she needs some liquid courage.  Abby doesn't want their fashion or dating advice.  Back at the studio, Maddie is practicing her darker solo.  The dating three musketeers are swarming Abby before her big night.  Louie, a half werewolf/half vampire in a bow tie and leather jacket arrives to fetch fair Abby for an evening out on the town.  The moms greet Louie, and Melissa calls him out on his jeans.  They try to give him some advice, but they probably just scared the poo out of him.  I don't think Abby or Louie remembered the other quite as well as they thought.

Louie has rented out a florist/dining establishment (called Flowers in the Attic—eww!) which pleases Abby so she can be as loud as she wants.  The duo shares small talk, and Abby admits that she kind of has a long distance "thing" in the works.  Louie reveals that he's writing a book about relationships which sends Abby into a fit of maniacal laughter.  Over dessert, Abby questions his knowledge of dance.  Louie was a male stripper.  He's 185 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal.  The next day, the trio of moms is dying to learn about Abby's night on the town.  Abby admits that she hasn't laughed as much in a long time. 


It's Brooke's turn to rehearse her solo.  Abby wants Brooke to realize that she was born to be a dancer.  Meanwhile, Jill wants to get Kendall some new headshots.  She wants to see her daughter modeling and appearing in commercials.  Jill knows now is the time to take advantage of her beautiful little girl.  Seriously.  Those are her exact words.  She joins her daughter for some photographs before booting Kendall from the shoot and hijacking the photographer for herself.  Later, the moms take Melissa shopping for a wedding gown.  Holly finds it hilarious that Jill can even turn a bridal shower into a competition.  Melissa opens gifts and Jill wants to practice the bouquet toss.  Melissa dons a parade of big white wedding dresses.  As Christi notes, the gowns are all beautiful, but they are more appropriate for twenty-year-old virgins…not a woman on her third marriage.  Holly, Christi, and Kelly are cracking me up because they've had too much champagne.  It's nice to see the mothers actually being friends instead of hating one another.


MacKenzie's foot is still bothering her, so Melissa takes her to the hospital.  Abby is surprisingly supportive, but the moms think something is amiss because Melissa claimed the day before that her daughter was fine.  The mothers then chat about how fun the shower was and speculate on whether Melissa is already married.  After Maddie practices her solo, the group rehearses their hip-hop number.  The mothers wonder if their daughters even know the meaning of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."  Abby invites the moms come into the studio to explain the political premise behind gays in the military.  Abby encourages the moms to discuss homosexuality and acceptance with their girls.  It's funny to see Abby preach acceptance.  Kelly then finds Brooke and Paige to explain the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." 

After dance class, Kelly drops off Maddie at home.  She checks on MacKenzie who has a sprain and must stay off of her ankle for seventy-two hours…no group dance for her.  Kelly wonders about the timing of MacKenzie's injury.  She knows that MacKenzie was worried about being up to par with the other dancers when they started rehearsing.  The following day, all of the girls head to the competition in Minnesota.  MacKenzie is be-bopping around without so much as a limp, and Abby wonders why she's even there.  MacKenzie produces a doctor's note, and Abby warns her that she can't play…she must stay still and keep her foot elevated.  Abby makes her spend the day sitting in a wheelchair.  Neither Kendall nor Maddie's solo rehearsal is impressing Abby.  The moms believe that Melissa is using MacKenzie's injury as an excuse not to dance.


Kendall performs her solo first.  She's a talented little girl, but she does lack the facial expressions that Maddie exudes.  Speaking of Maddie, she dances next and all I notice is her face.  Well, that's not quite true…her technique is amazing as well.  To quote Alicia Keys, this girl is on fire.  Abby is critical of Kendall being good, but not great.  She's also too busy to run through Brooke's dance with her, and Kelly is livid.  Jill sneaks out of the room to show Abby Kendall's new headshots.  The moms question Melissa about MacKenzie's injury.  They wonder how MacKenzie is able to do cartwheels and use her wheelchair as a prop.  Melissa is defensive and says she's been yelling at her daughter to keep off her ankle all day. 

Brooke's solo is incredibly graceful, although you can tell by Abby's face that she is less than impressed.  Brooke tells Abby that she could have done better, and she's honest about her tiny mistakes.  Abby then turns on MacKenzie and her cartwheel parade, and she warns Melissa not to lie for her daughter.  She has Brooke line up the girls for an interrogation.  The girls are giggling in this little exercise.  Even MacKenzie is smiley before Abby berates her into tears.  Before the group number, Abby warns Chloe that she'll be watching her during her dance.  She tells the poor girl that she needs to put her mother in her place.  My heart breaks for precious Chloe…as if she isn't nervous enough!


I'm not used to seeing the girls do hip-hop, but it's such a fun number.  They were so great to watch.  As Holly says, it wasn't seamless, it wasn't flawless, and it wasn't always in synch, but it was totally entertaining.  Back in the staging room, Abby lines up the girls and has the girls do push-ups to make up for their mistakes.  During the awards ceremony, Brooke's solo places second in her age group.  In the junior solo division, Kendall garners fourth place, and Maddie takes the second place spot.  The group dance lands in seventh place.  Abby walks in waving her white flag.  She gives up on trying to get these girls to do better.  Abby once again dismisses the girls and yells at the mothers to expect more from their daughters. 

Next week is another two special episode with a show down between the ALDS and the Candy Apples. 


[Photo Credit: Lifetime]

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