Last night's Duck Dynasty episodes were all about everyone's favorite Si Robertson. Whether he's taste testing pizza or pulling the limbs off of mannequins, he promises entertaining television. Likewise, Phil Robertson's deadpan delivery is fabulous, as is watching poor Willie try to reign in brother Jase and the rest of the warehouse crew. Thank you, A&E, for reviving my Wednesday nights!
To celebrate their five millionth duck call (or at least some duck call), Willie has put together a casino night at the warehouse. He actually has no clue how many duck calls his company has produced, but he wants to do something special for his employees. The top three chip holders will each receive a prize. Jase is appalled by his brother's idea of what constitutes a prize. Third place will win a bottle of Willie's Mallard Merlot, and second place is lucky enough to get an autographed copy Willie's unpublished manuscript. Jase has found better prizes in a Happy Meal. However, everyone is excited to hear who will win the grand prize…a two thousand dollar gift card. Si wins the money, and the brothers know they will be hearing about his victory for weeks. Si can't help it he's such a big winner…go ahead and brush those shoulders off, y'all!
Si uses his winning to purchase a leather massage chair which he sets up in the warehouse. The recliner sounds like a Nascar race. Si prompts a doubting Jase to try it out, and he's quickly swayed as to how wonderful it is. Willie enjoys it as well, although he doesn't want it in the warehouse…the guys will never get any of their work done!
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Phil thinks the best kind of fishing hole is the kind that no one knows about…and Jase is all about fishing in a confidential location. Phil is willing to take the boys as long as they are willing to be "Bradshawed." The art of Bradshawing goes back to his football days when he used to take NFL star Terry Bradshaw (his college teammate) to his secret fishing spots. It apparently involves putting a bag over the guest fisherman's head to get him to the top secret fishing hole.
Si isn't willing to take his massage chair home, and Willie won't let him keep it at work. He offers to buy Si another $2000 item–for his house–if he returns the chair. Si isn't happy about this turn of events, but the Micheal Jordan of "gettin' on people's nerves" isn't going to let his nephew win so easily. He begins mimicking every word that comes out of Willie's mouth. Willie just wants Si to find something else on which to spend the money, and Si decides he needs to start with a pizza from the family fun center. Unfortunately, it won't be open for thirty more minutes, but Si is willing to wait. If he knows two things well, it's 'Nam and good pizza…and this place has the Karate Kid of pizza. Phil doesn't mind waiting…he's got his gallon of sweet tea.
The boys arrive at the fishing hole and remove their hoods. Jase is disappointed to discover he's fished this spot many times before. Some secret! However, the beaver dam in the pond is new, and he's convinced that if they can put some holes in it, the current will cause fish galore to enter into their end of the pond. Jase and Phil shoot at the dam while Godwin takes the amphibious gator into the pond to try to ram the dam. Going at a negative speed makes this task nearly impossible, but I've decided the next dog I get, I'm naming it Godwin.
Once the family fun center opens, Si wants to channel his inner ski-ball and laser tag, but Willie just wants to get their pizza and leave. Sadly for him, the pizza won't be ready for another half hour since they just opened. Willie doesn't want to wait…he just wants to take Si to spend his money. Challenge accepted, according to Si. He wants to spend all of his money on the games while they wait on the pizza. That tiny merry-go-round hopefully costs $500 a ride. Once they get eat their pizza, Si goes to cash in his ski-ball tickets. He's got a ton, but they will only get him some junky trinkets. He wants the grand prize gorilla that is worth 5000 tickets. Willie concedes and buys $200 worth of tokens in an effort to win the dusty purple stuffed animal. Willie is horrible at winning tickets, but Si is a veteran at finding the sweet spot in any casino, bingo hall, or farmers' market…and he's found the ticket spewing game at the children's activity center.
Meanwhile, out at the secret pond, Phil takes off when he sees the green pants of law enforcement. The officer wants to know who was shooting on the property. The boys play dumb and are asked to leave. At the kid's center, Willie discovers Si is a redneck rainman. He won the huge gorilla, but he knows they spent exactly $1600 to do it. Gracious! The spend the remaining $400 for pizza to feed the crew at their traditional family dinner.
On the next episode, Willie is super proud of Sadie for being nominated for the Homecoming Court, although he isn't happy to hear she'll be requiring two formal dresses and a suit for the football game. Upon seeing his daughter's first cocktail gown, he deems it too sexy. Korie thinks she can get him to back off by suggesting he take her shopping for a more dad-approved dress. Willie knows that Korie thinks the mere thought of shopping with Sadie will make him surrender to the purchase they've already made. Not so, promises Willie!
I knew Jase was a man after my own heart. His main luxury is black coffee in the morning. Amen. He's not happy to learn that the warehouse coffee maker is broken. Jase thinks his brother needs to send one of his minions out to get a new coffee maker for his employees. Si can't believe the guys' complaining…he is fine with his gallon of fresh brewed iced tea. Willie promises to rectify the coffee situation as soon as the guys move all the boxes from the warehouse. Si isn't happy to hear that Willie is ditching their fishing trip to go dress shopping, so he volunteers to join them to make sure it goes smoothly. Poor Sadie.
Arriving at the dress shop, Si allows Sadie five minutes to find her dream dress. Willie wishes his uncle would be more understanding. His daughter should at least have thirty minutes to get all of her shopping done. While Sadie and her dad disagree on what is appropriate, Si practices his game by hitting on mannequins. Man
The warehouse boys can't perform their task without their morning java so they head to a local coffee house to get their fix. The guy in front of them in line is ordering a double mocha skim latter whatchamacallit concoction, and Jase is concerned that he's planning on using all of that nonsense to construct a bomb. Jase can't believe Jep's horrible suggestion to come to this place…he just wants the strongest thing the shop offers. Double espresso shots it is!
Si is getting bored with shopping for Sadie, so he decides to get his swag on for himself. He's like a camo leprechaun in his swanky purple vest and jacket. He's having better luck than sweet Sadie whose dress choices are being shot down one-by-one by her overprotective dad. Willie is having a tough time, and he doesn't think things can get much worse…until Si enters stage left in an all cream tux, complete with vest, tails, a top hat, and a cane. It's the stuff dreams are made of, and I know some of our readers probably had a hard time containing their glee during this scene. You silly school girls!
The espresso has made the guys extra productive in the warehouse, and Jase credits Jep for a great idea. After moving the boxes, the boys use their extra energy to compete with push-ups and jumping jacks. Jep is talking a mile a minute…which is huge for someone who never, ever speaks…and then they all hit the wall. Espresso is bad. Jase just wants his plain old coffee maker coffee.
At the bridal shop, Willie and Sadie are terribly frustrated with one another. Si feels very wise in his fancy duds, and he imparts his father-daughter knowledge on Willie. Willie needs to realize that Sadie has grown into a young woman, and he should treat her accordingly. He hates when his uncle is the voice of reason. Si can give Willie many more important things to worry about than the amount of fabric on Sadie's dress. Among them? Y2K, lead paint, Woodstock, Watergate, the cola wars, and Dakota Fanning. This was by far my favorite Si line of the night. Korie arrives, having been summoned via text from Sadie's dressing room. Willie apologizes for being such a dolt, and he thinks his daughter's original dress is just perfect…even if it's not floor length and made out of denim. The enire family attends the high school football game to support Sadie on the Homecoming Court. Robertsons, would you like to adopt me?
TELL US-WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT'S EPISODES? IS SI BETTER PLAYING SKI-BALL OR DRESSING IN TAILS?
[Photo Credit: A&E]