Kim Kardashian 33rd Birthday

I can only say "bless his heart" so many times before I stop meaning it. I think I probably stopped meaning it about twenty "blesses" ago when it comes to Kanye West. The man's ego is out of control. I'd really like to sit down with him for just fifteen minutes to see if he really is as painfully egotistical as he seems. He could style me. I'd wear a crystal mask and report back the truth.  It's an open invitation, 'Ye. You can even bring Marilyn Monroe Kim Kardashian. No, no, don't bring her. Regardless, call me!

The tiny rapper has been especially douchetastic this week, throwing a temper tantrum on stage at a Florida concert and commissioning what I'm sure he considers to be the next, no make that the first and best, Mona Lisa. I'm sorry DaVinci, but Andy Warhol's niece? She's got the best painting of all time. Of all time! Bless his heart.


According to Fox News (I know, I know), Kanye has yet to figure out how to raise the dead (that's so 2014 for this guy!), so he's figured out the next best thing to having Andy Warhol immortalize Kim in a piece of art.  He's hired the late Warhol's Arizona-based niece to paint his fiance. 

While Monica Warhol never met her pop artist icon of an uncle, she shares his love of silk-screening photographs. She reveals, “I never studied Andy. I never owned a book about him until about a year ago,” adding that she is drawn to the medium because it is "extremely physical." 

The artist explains that Andy's father and her grandfather were brothers (so they're more like second cousins? I'm no genealogist) , and he died when she was just ten-years-old. However, she thinks he would approve of her latest muse. Monica explains, “She’s an icon. She’s famous for nothing. Andy would have loved her. Kim is beautiful. She’s so manufactured. She looks like a human Barbie.” Has she been taking public speaking courses at the University of Yeezus Online?

As if that news isn't awesome enough on its own, the misunderstood genius stormed off stage after performing only three songs at his Tampa concert. Why? The laser mountains sucked. Duh. Not to mention, some poor girl named "Laura" didn't tweak Kanye's mic to give him a deeper voice. You can bet your ass that Laura is looking for a new job today!

Radar Online is reporting on Kanye's meltdown. A local newspaper claims that when the tiny rapper reappeared to finish the show “West went off on ‘nice, good, safe celebrities’ who hold their tongue out of fear, dreaming that he was Steve Jobs, the Wright Brothers, Thomas Edison and Nelson Mandela, and the way both ‘haters’ and fans benefit him in the end.”

Kanye apparently asked the crowd, “How many people you know that you talk to on a day-to-day basis that made a … mountain open up in Tampa tonight,” adding, “So all the other [things] I’m talking about, is it crazy or is it possible?” I'm going to go with the former.

If you've got a few minutes to waste, check out a video of the mayhem. Bless him. Seriously.


[Photo Credit: DJDM/]

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