dance moms christ-y

Can it get any worse? Last night’s episode of Dance Moms certainly proved that it could. Abby Lee Miller was quite the whirlwind of negativity with her new competition team while the original moms–and dancers–dealt with the consequences. Not surprisingly, Christi has nicknames for the new mothers, including Christ-y (for the Jesus loving mom with a penchant for pot stirring and physical violence), Purple Haired Dud and Count Stalkula. I won’t remember those, but kudos to crazy Christi for her creativity. Abby opens with the pyramid (glad that some things never change), as Abby touts Maddie for leading the newbies to victory. Sadly for Abby, she hates the new moms as much as she can’t stand the veterans.

Christ-y, I mean Christy, isn’t happy to be one of Abby’s customers because Abby hasn’t yet heard the saying that the customer is always right. Abby needs the new team to serve as replacements for when her original stars have auditions in Los Angeles and New Work and Farmville. Maddie admits that she likes the new team, but she’d rather be with her friends. Before revealing the pyramid, Abby bad mouths Kira for pulling Kalani from the team so she could go be with her boyfriend. I guess that’s Lifetime speak for she’s no longer needed for a story line.


Kendall is at the bottom of the pyramid for losing her duet to two newbies. Nia follows for not listening to Abby’s corrections. Mack-Z is also on the bottom for focusing more on having an iTunes hit in Australia than her dancing. Maddie rounds out the bottom. There is no middle tier of the pyramid, and Chloe is on the top. Of course, Christi is complaining about her daughter’s top spot because she feels like Abby argued Chloe’s win with the judges. Christi needs to learn how to 

This week, the girls are competing in West Virginia with two contemporary group routines. One will dancing “Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board” while the new group will be dancing “The Rapture.” Christ-y smugly shares that the veteran girls won’t be taken during the rapture. Ah, the age-old Biblical teachings of cattiness and judgment…MacKenzie and Sarah both get a solo and another new mom is upset that Christ-y’s daughter gets a routine over her little one. Oh, this season is going to be good for sure! The new moms are somehow making the old moms seem normal and nice! Maddie is back on her original team, so Abby feels like the new girls are truly experiencing the rapture…or, as she calls it, dancing without Maddie. That’s almost exactly how the Bible describes it, right?

New mom Christ-y is trying to turn both groups of moms against the other. It’s like the Sharks versus the Jets but with not nearly the snazzy choreography. Thankfully, Christi is excited to see Chloe get the lead in the group number…even it means she’s dancing as a sleep over invitee now possessed by the Ouija board. It’s a bit creepy for sure, but all of Abby’s darkest dances always end up placing in the top spot. MacKenzie is trying to prove she can be both a dancer and a pop star with her solo. Abby is quick to pit new girl Sarah against Mack-Z, reminding MacKenzie that if Sarah wins, she’ll spend the rest of her life bragging that she beat out an international pop star. Geez, we’re not talking about Brit-Brit and X-Tina here, are we? The new moms are already turning on Christ-y while watching Sarah rehearse a number about a girl who turns into a demon. Is this a special underworld episode? I guess so, because in the time it took me to type that last sentence, Christ-y and the new moms get into a full blown, hair-pulling physical altercation. Is it time for Raising Asia yet?

Abby probably should have just counted her blessings with drama queens she’s been dealing with for seasons. Instead, she’s invited a whole new brand of crazy into her studio. The new moms shake hands in a fake truce, while Maddie and Chloe remind their peers that this is their chance to prove to Abby that newer isn’t necessarily better. The veteran moms are starting to sweat because the Rapture dance is much stronger than the Ouija board number. The ladies are convinced that Abby is doing everything in her power to make sure their daughters are the weakest link.

In West Virginia, Abby is practically foaming at the mouth to see how her new group does against her original team. Jill reminds everyone that the Rapture routine is basically a bunch of teenagers who are getting to compete in a younger division thanks to the the two nine-year-olds in the number. Likewise, Christ-y finds Abby’s favoritism of MacKenzie to be totally unfair to her daughter. Mack-Z has face paint, while Sarah just has, well, a face. Abby reminds MacKenzie that the judges are going to be expecting a lot from the nation’s biggest pop star. Wait, is Katy Perry dancing? MacKenzie’s routine is cute and fun, but she’s no Maddie. Sarah has everything working against her, from a crazy-a$$ mother to an apathetic dance instructor, but she still manages to knock it out of the park. She’s a mini-Maddie face in training for sure!

Before the group number, Holly gives her two cents back stage. The new girls are dolled up in amazing costumes, while the original ALDC members are in pajamas. Chloe lets the stress get to her until Christi urges her to pull herself together. I won’t go into the editing errors regarding Chloe’s costume during this scene. The Rapture dance is good, but it wasn’t nearly the routine I was expecting given everyone’s hullabaloo. Maybe I don’t like change, but Abby’s original elite team is far better, with Chloe owning the stage. If they don’t win, this whole thing is rigged. 

At the awards ceremony, Sarah scores fourth place overall with Mack-Z taking the top spot. Really? She’s adorable and all, but I didn’t think she deserved first. For the group routine, Abby’s original girls place second to the Rapture’s first prize. Yup, it’s rigged. Even Maddie knows it. It says a lot that the new moms are so bad that they make Christi and company palatable. Backstage, Abby screams about how unprofessional her original team is while Chloe and Maddie burst into tears. In a very un-Holly moment, she screams at Melissa to make Maddie stop crying. Pull it together, Dr. Holly. Pull it together! 


[Photo Credit: Lifetime]


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