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Our K1 Visa is almost up, folks! On this week’s special 2-hour episode of 90-Day Fiance, the couples find their impending doom wedding days drawing closer, and this sh*t is getting really…realLoren’s world, in which Alexei is currently taking up precious closet space, is all about her bachelorette party right now. Her friend, Sarah, and other gals are flying in to take Loren out for some drunken debauchery before the Big Day. Alexei is not thrilled with the prospect of his fiance turnt up and on the loose, noting that “drunk girls aren’t very smart.”

Sarah doesn’t do a stellar job of reassuring a nervous Alexei. She doesn’t like his sour demeanor, but on the plus side, she’s glad he’s tall! Loren promises to behave herself, but Alexei warns, “No strippers!” before she leaves anyway. Alexei says he trusts Loren, but his imagination is getting the best of him in this situation. My imagination is getting the best of me too as I picture Loren and 1,000 screeching girls taking over everyone’s favorite bar with glow sticks, toilet-paper veils, and penis-straws. Then getting promptly kicked out. 

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Under Noon’s advisement, Kyle has agreed to visit his mother (who he hasn’t spoken to in 10 years) in Minnesota. Kyle’s mom has a drinking problem, which has caused a rift between them. They meet Kyle’s mom at his aunt’s house, hoping for neutral ground. Kyle is so, so nervous as he sees his mom for the first time. And she seems awkward and, sadly, still struggling with her addiction. They all trade hugs, and it’s obvious Kyle’s mom is slurring her words and unfocused. But Kyle is just hoping his mom is having a “good day” so Noon doesn’t notice anything is amiss; he doesn’t want to discuss his mom’s addiction with Noon. This is just heartbreaking. 

Noon wasn’t born yesterday though, and notices something is definitely wrong with Kyle’s mom. Kyle is not comfortable even being in the same room with her; he just wants to go back home. 

With 44 days to wed, Mark and Nikki and the ghost of Mark’s ex-wife are still wading through the thick sludge of their many, many issues. Nikki is full steam ahead though, as she searches Google for $8 wedding dresses! They discuss their dream wedding. Nikki wants a beach wedding, but mourns the fact that her family won’t be there. Mark pledges to not invite his family either in solidarity. Or extreme embarrassment!? 

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In Florida, Fernando is making Carolina an apology breakfast. Is there a dish that says, I’m sorry my mom thinks you are Colombian scum? Because that’s what he needs to serve up. Carolina is just trying to stay warm in Fernando’s overly-air conditioned house, donning a winter hat to breakfast. (Is this where she keeps her cocaine?) The deep freeze in this house has extended from Fernando’s mom to the actual climate, it appears.

Fernando encourages Carolina to make herself at home here, so Carolina takes this opportunity literally, searching through Fernando’s drawers and closet for contraband. Which she finds immediately in the form of ladies’ panties. Shocker! “Whose are they!?” she demands. Fernando says they’re not recent panties – they’re OLD panties! He tosses them in the trash as Carolina contemplates her next move.

In Idaho, Aleksandra takes her mom to see her wedding dress. Despite being more modest than she expected, her mom is thrilled to see her daughter’s choice. Josh’s mom even manages a hint of a smidge of a smile, saying she likes “the sparkle.” Josh’s mom and the word “sparkle” do not seem to fit well together in the same sentence. 

Loren’s bachelorette party is in full swing as the ladies head to the very place Alexei asked them to avoid: the strip club! The man-meat is on display, but things get a little too close for comfort as Loren is dragged on stage for some brokedown Magic Mike XXL action. After her janky lap dance is over, Loren gets a text from Alexei. She must confess her sins! So she texts him the details, then dramatically hands her phone to Sarah for damage control. Alexei is pissed at Sarah for taking his fiance to the strip club. “Like, is he not going to MARRY me over this?” Loren wonders while relishing the high school pettiness of the situation with her bestie. Nah, he’ll get over it, thinks Sarah. (I mean, the man suffered through that photo shoot with a shaven chest already, right!?)

In an attempt to get Carolina out of the house – and away from his panty strewn closet – Fernando takes her out to dinner with friends. How was Fernando before Carolina came on to the scene? she asks the group. His friends stumble over their words, noting they never imagined he’d “be like this” now. They also think Carolina is too young for Fernando, wondering if either of them are really ready to settle down with each other. Fernando tries futilely to shut his friends down from talking about his wayward past, including “quite a few girlfriends” and an ex-spouse he cheated on. So, there’s more than the skeletons of old panties in Fernando’s closet.

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In a bizarro twist of time and place, we’re suddenly faced with Nikki and Mark strolling down the sidewalks of Times Square. (How’d this happen?) Ah, they’re going “bridal shopping” in NYC, says Mark. He wants Nikki to have the bridal gown of her dreams, not a frock under ten bucks she found on the internet. Nikki heads into the bridal shop alone, trying on a series of gowns with Joanna, the long suffering sales associate. When Joanna learns that 19-year old Nikki is to wed a 58-year old fiance, she gives us her best poker face and says something akin to “that’s nice…” before Chris Hanson shows up to intervene.  

With a bridal shower underway for the Aleksandra in Rexburg, it’s time for Josh’s Mormon bachelor party. Which involves video games, pizza, and prayer. It’s crazy up in here, yo! Aleksandra’s dad is baffled at the G-rated bachelor party surrounding him, while Aleksandra is equally baffled by the gifts of Pilgrim Lady Pink Nightgowns, crock pots, and cookbooks that she’s painfully opening.

As Aleksandra gets ready for bed later, she confesses to her mom that she’s not 100% ready for her wedding tomorrow. Her mom says, yes, it’s a very different life she’s chosen here. But she hopes it will work out. She thinks Josh will try his best to make her happy. She thinks he’s a good guy and it will be worth it. Aleksandra is scared, but hopeful too. 

Back in MN, Kyle, his mom (Lisa), and Noon take a walk to a park. Lisa confronts Noon about whether she loves her son for real, or whether she’s just trying to “get a free pass to America.” She (seemingly drunkenly) babbles on about soldiers bringing home a lot of “Orientals,” blah, blah, blah. Kyle is embarrassed and disappointed about his mom’s behavior, which he can’t control. Because no one can control an addict, period. Noon feels sad that Kyle hasn’t told her about his mom’s condition before, now that she sees how dire the situation really is.  

In NYC, Nikki does find the gown of her dreams, but it costs $2,300. Joanna encourages Nikki to lay the news on Mark, which she agrees to do. Mark is not sure the dress is suited for a beach wedding, and they’re not having wedding guests, so this dress is a waste of money in his estimation. He doesn’t outright refuse to buy it, but Nikki knows he’s not happy, so she says she wants to think it over too. An astute Joanna notes that Nikki may not be sure she wants to marry this stooge at all; she doesn’t seem to be emoting love when she sees him. (Can Joanna be a wedding guest? Like, the one who stands up and objects to the proceedings?)

After Loren’s bachelorette party, a beaten down Alexei is encouraged by Loren’s father to mend fences with her. He’s upset because Loren did the one thing he asked her not to do, which doesn’t bode well for future trust. Loren’s dad the enabler just thinks Alexei should swallow his pride and move on. But Alexei isn’t there yet. He doesn’t even want to see her, let alone talk to her at this point.

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It’s WEDDING DAY for Josh and Aleksandra! OMG, is this actually happening? Breathe, breathe. Okay, looks like I’m more nervous than Josh, which is kind of weird. And somewhat embarrassing. As Aleksandra gets ready, she admits nerves too, but is now more excited – and she looks beautiful to boot! She can’t help thinking she’s 21, too young to have a husband. More on this later…

In Baltimore, Mark has dredged up the mothball ridden wedding dress of his ex-wife and is forcing Nikki to try it on as she stabs him with a mango knife. Juuuust kidding! (But, really, we’re all thinking it…no?…just me??) They’ve only got 21 days to wed. Control freak that he is, Mark wants “assurances” that the mistakes of his past don’t recur, so he’s introducing Nikki to the romantic notion of an American prenup. As he explains the document that allows him to keep all of his property and his money if they get divorced, Nikki is miffed that he’s even thinking about divorce. She raises a ruckus about having to sign a piece of paper just to get Mark to trust her. She’s no fool, this one. But Mark holds firm. He needs a signed prenup from Nikki (which he claims she previously agreed to), or the deal is off. 

Meanwhile, Loren and Alexei are still not speaking. Loren comes home with her sister and Sarah, telling her mom that Alexei is pissed at her over the strip club. Loren’s mom thinks there’s a deeper issue here, which she and Loren’s father predicted from the beginning. If there’s a lack of trust, or if Alexei won’t talk to her, it’s a red flag. She barks at Loren to get her act together with Alexei quickly or call off the wedding. Loren predictable freaks out, screaming that her mom and dad are miserable! “You are not half as happy as Alexei and I are!” cries a petulant Loren as her mom, married 31 years, tells her daughter to go f*ck herself. Well, at least someone said it! Ouch.

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Hey! Lookie here! It’s Melanie and Devar! TLC has been holding out on these 2 lately. We’ve apparently skipped right to the wedding day for this questionably duo, as Devar focuses on his main mission: being a really good stepdad to Melanie’s son, Hunter. He ties Hunter’s tie, and Hunter looks adorable. I hope for this little boy’s sake that Melanie and Devar can figure their mess out.

Melanie and her crew are prepping at the salon. He sister, Bev, is in the wedding despite her reservations. She hopes Melanie is happy, but warns that she’ll get involved if Devar hurts her. She’s done some Googling, apparently, about Jamaicans who trap American women into marriage just to send funds back to their families. Best case scenario: a happy marriage. Worst case scenario: Melanie is left used and heartbroken. Bev says no matter what, Melanie’s family will be there for her. 

On another wedding day in New Orleans, the disaster of taking Noon to meet his mom is still fresh in Kyle’s mind. But his main focus today is on Noon, who he will marry in a Thai temple. As he waits for her to get ready, he admits he wishes his mom would have shown up, but seems to know in his heart that is an impossible wish right now. Kyle’s aunt and uncle come, and Kyle’s disappointment in his mom’s absence is again, heartbreaking. He breaks down in tears thinking about it. Noon is his family now though, and he’s ready to start making memories with her. And – god! – does she look STUNNING in her Thai wedding dress! #beautifulbride

In a more sinister moment up north, Nikki is meeting with independent counsel to review the terms of Mark’s prenup. The attorney speaks plainly: Nikki is entering into a partnership with a much older man, and this document is “a piece of garbage.” “You can’t sign this,” says the attorney, “It’s as one-sided as it can possibly be, and basically leaves you with nothing.” What happens if he throws you out on the street one day? he warns her. Nikki says she’s not into Mark’s money, but the attorney advises her against signing this piece o’ crap, period. Nikki is hesitant to give Mark the ultimatum of not signing it, but she agrees to give it a try. #givethislawyeratrophy!

With 61 days to wed, Carolina is running the gauntlet of trying to please Fernando’s oppressive mother. As much as she tries to adapt, Fernando’s mom is not making life easy. She’s got Carolina mopping and scrubbing like a modern day Cinderella. “Why you clean like a baby!?” the evil stepmother scolds before slamming Carolina’s fingers in the shower door. What does she expect of her? asks Carolina. A lot, says Fernando’s mom. Carolina says it’s been hard for her to adjust to the new house, the new family. Mom says it’s too soon to see if they’ll get along, so they’ll just have to wait and see. Carolina hopes that in time, Fernando’s mom will see her intentions are pure. Good luck with that, sister! 

Alexei and Loren are finally ready to speak to one another. Loren feels like Alexei doesn’t trust her, but she claims she didn’t know what her friends had in store for her. Alexei wonders why she would go to a strip club when he specifically told her his wishes against it. He feels disrespected. And he’s already looked at flights to go back home! Loren is shocked. “Are we still getting married?” she asks. Alexei does still want to marry her. Loren professes her love for him, but he still feels disrespected. She apologizes and they pledge to move on from this. Alexei admits that 90 days hasn’t been enough time to really feel secure in this relationship, though. Yip. 

As Josh and Aleksandra (who looks gorgeous!) assemble for their big moment, Aleksandra’s mom cries. They’ve agreed to have the ceremony performed in Russian, which is a thoughtful tribute. Rings are exchanged, and the couple seal the ceremony with a kiss. Aleksandra thinks Josh has a big heart, and that he’s the right person. But only time will tell. For now, they’ve just gotta get through this awkward wedding dance! 

Carolina and Fernando’s wedding day is not here yet, but they toast to their upcoming nuptials anyway. Carolina is feeling the loss of her family and friends, although Fernando assures her she’ll build friendships in time. If they don’t have a lot of people on Carolina’s side to come to the wedding, they’ll have a small ceremony, says Fernando. Carolina tears up about the fact that her family will not be there to witness her wedding day. She misses her parents most of all. And Fernando’s shrew of a mother is not easing the transition. Clueless Fernando doesn’t seem to understand the depths of Carolina’s feelings, however. He is scared that she might want to go home though. So, he better do a clean sweep of those closet panties STAT.

As for Nikki and Mark, they’ve got some negotiation to do. Mark smarms his way through explaining his prenup thusly: if Nikki makes millions of dollars as America’s Next Top Model and decides to leave him, this prenup protects HER! It’s all for HER, see? (Side note: a fan is digging into allegations that Nikki is currently profiling herself as a model living in LA and that this whole storyline is false. Interesting tidbit!)

Mark’s true colors bleed through as he plays his hand: “It’s my house, my boat, my business, my retirement!” snaps Mark, “You have no right to that!” But what’s the reward for combing Mark’s back hair and changing his colostomy bag for the rest of her life? wonders Nikki (well, in so many words). Mark says he’s providing a roof over her head and, weirdly, “protection.” Nikki’s not so sure about this. But Mark stands firm. Sign the prenup, or no marriage. Nikki has no choice, so…she signs it. Ugh! 

Back in New Orleans, Kyle waits for Noon to arrive at the temple. As she enters, Kyle tears up. They look truly happy, but Noon knows Kyle is sad about his mom’s absence. The guests arrive. Kyle and Noon perform the traditional ceremony of a Thai wedding, then exchange rings. They stand before family and friends, beaming. Noon is thrilled to call Kyle her husband, and Kyle wants to better himself so that he can give Noon a perfect life. They really do seem in love and, despite their humble roach-infested beginnings, also seem like they might indeed make it. I’m rooting for them!

TELL US: WHO ARE YOU ROOTING FOR? SHOULD NIKKI HAVE SIGNED THAT PRENUP?

Photo Credit: TLC

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