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Kate Gosselin

When I was young and naive, I always assumed that someone being on television meant they were rich for life. Of course, I now realize how stupid that assumption is, but geez! It takes a special kind of fiscally stupid and wildly irresponsible person to blow through reality show paychecks, yet these idiots never seem to learn from their destitute counterparts’ mistakes.

Case in point? Former Jon & Kate Plus 8 stars Kate and Jon Gosselin are now (separately) scraping the bottom of the barrel after a contentious and drawn-out divorce coupled with a love of rooster haircuts, spray tans, and Ed Hardy. Haven’t they heard of trust funds and financial planners and, oh, I don’t know…saving the copious amounts of money made on a now defunct reality show? It’s quite appalling to think about, really.

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love and hip hop hollywood masika 1

Hey, anyone want to change Love & Hip Hop Hollywood to the Fizz and Omarion Hour? Who’s with me? Last night’s episode starts with Teairra Mari wanting to get back on stage. She’s planning a showcase with promoters Miss Diddy and Sincere.  She gets a rude awakening from Sincere who informs her that she’s not famous enough to fill a big venue, and Sincere reminds her that she hasn’t had a hit in ages. He recommends a smaller, more private gathering. Sincere has a soft spot for Teairra’s boobs, but she can’t get over his massive ego. Despite all of their misgivings, Sincere agrees to help Teairra relaunch her career and she begrudgingly accepts because she needs it. 

Yesi and Morgan are meeting for lunch to dish on Morgan’s recent conversation with Ray J regarding their working relationship. Yesi is still encouraging Morgan to branch out on her own, and she invites her friend to do red carpet interviews at an upcoming Powerhouse event. Morgan wants to run the idea past Ray as he’ll be working the event as well, but she’s quickly persuaded not to bother…and why should she? She’s convinced that Ray J will be happy for her new opportunity. Foreshadowing at its finest, Mona!

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dance moms reunion

To be honest, the most pressing question that I hoped would be answered on last night’s Dance Moms reunion was if Lifetime just couldn’t afford to film a new intro sans Kelly Hyland and daughters Brooke and Paige…not that I mind seeing them each week, but it’s a bit strange. Right off the bat, Jeff Collins needs some matte powder to go with his newly darkened hair. Is he sweating from the stage lights or the guilt he feels for constantly promoting Abby Lee Miller? Speaking of, Jeff has Abby solo on the couch, and he applauds the Nationals win and questions how Abby feels about Chloe’s fifth place finish being the best solo number in the ALDC. Abby cites fierce competition as the reason…well, that and the fact she didn’t put Maddie in to compete. Wait, I thought Maddie refused when asked (you go, girl!). Abby then talks about Kendall’s disappointing routine in light of how strong she was last year as Jill gestures violently backstage via picture in picture. Abby’s all “I told you so” as the paid audience laughs. 

love and hip hop hollywood nikki

I will never understand the thought processes of the women on Love & Hip Hop Hollywood. What do they see in these men? Do they hear the words coming out of their mouths? Last night’s episode begins as Mally Mall is trying to make-up with Nikki with grand romantic gestures. Over a rose petal strewn lunch, he gifts her with an empty box. It’s a metaphor as to how he felt when the two were apart. Mall then gives Nikki keys to his house because he wants to move in together. Should I add that it’s the house that Masika picked out for him? Mally promises over and over that he never did anything with Masika, but this one time he did let her bleep his bleep. Oh, and he told her he loves her, but “only as a person.” I can’t believe Nikki is even entertaining this! She agrees to move in if she can watch Mall confront Masika and tell her she is delusional for ever thinking the two were an item. This should be good!

Going behind Hazel’s back, Teairra Mari plans to work on her music with Yung Berg. The two have a bit of a tainted past because Berg revealed to the world that Teairra and Ray-J were an item during a radio interview. He’s hoping the two can move past that situation and make some money together. When Berg asks about Teairra’s relationship with Hazel, Teairra admits that they are no longer friends, and business is business. Berg knows that Hazel will be furious, but she’s certainly not the boss of him. The two decide to make music–and money–by working together on some new songs. 

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dance moms chloe

I really, really got so heated when I was reading up on Chloe Lukasiak’s departure from Dance Moms. It was bad enough when I thought the horrible Abby Lee Miller called her “washed out,” but to learn that Lifetime had dubbed over what she really said makes me absolutely sick. Shame on these adults (all of them–the moms aren’t innocent either!) for putting these girls in this situation. No wonder Christi went off on Abby the way she did. Sure, she’s certainly done it before with less instigation, but still. Abby’s lucky, Christi didn’t poke her in the eye, just for good measure. I probably would have…

Thankfully, Christi and Chloe’s contract is up, and they are leaving the show. While I will certainly miss Chloe’s sweet nature and tremendous talent, but she needs to get away from that horrific dance teacher. Hey, if we’re lucky, Lifetime will get rid of their moneymaker and not renew the show. Am I the only one who wouldn’t miss it? Not surprisingly, Christi is still getting her digs in on the Twitterverse!

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dance moms aldc

Last night was the season finale of Dance Moms, and I don’t know about you, but I’m wondering who I’m going to spend my Tuesday evenings with now that Abby Lee Miller is on hiatus. Who will brighten my day with her cheer and positive attitude? Still in Los Angeles and prepping for Nationals, Abby has the elite team facing off with the select crew, and she’s striking fear in the hearts of both teams with the threat of Cathy’s Candy Apples. Abby then springs on the crew that Maddie may be doing solo, and Melissa states that she thinks that the other girls should have a chance to win. What? She’s finally putting being liked by the other mothers over her daughter winning every routine she enters? 

Across town, the Candy Apples are rehearsing their group routine to Chandelier as a dig to Maddie’s Sia video. At the ALDC studio, Abby is hoping that her “Amber Alert” group number will send chills up the spines of the audience, but MacKenzie’s dancing says otherwise. Abby has had it with her group routine, and she urges Maddie to practice her solo in the event she needs a slam dunk in the competition. Nia speaks up, asking why they aren’t focusing on the group number since it’s the most important. Until Nia and Mack-Z can get in sync, Abby thinks Maddie’s efforts would be best spent elsewhere. The other moms are livid with Melissa for not speaking up…I guess her need for inclusion was short lived, although the moms are kidding themselves if they think for a second they wouldn’t behave the same to further their daughters’ careers. As Holly, Christi, and Jill henpeck her, Melissa erupts into a bleeping ball of anger. I knew you had it in you, girl! 

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love and hip hop hollywood fizz omarion soulja boy

I’m not going to lie, I’m really getting into Love & Hip Hop Hollywood. I am totally revisiting my younger self’s love of B2K. Plus, it’s kind of a nice switch to see a show where most (well, some) of the men are actually being good guys for a change. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s only the first season. That won’t last. Speaking of, my three favorites, Fizz, Omarion, and Soulja Boy (in that order) are catching up over a game of basketball. They talk about how their lives are changing due to families and relationships. It’s a far cry from the the threesome conversations that took place in strip clubs on the Atlanta franchise. Across town, Nikki is dishing with her mom about her current situation with Mally Mal after tricking her into thinking the pair is engaged. Nikki’s mother may need her own show based on her assessment of Ray-J’s junk. Whose mother talks like that? I love it! Not to mention, she’s not Mal’s biggest fan. 

Hazel is enjoying her new place, complete with Berg who wants to crash but not cuddle. She is excited about date night, and Berg is just happy to booze and get his. However, the next morning, he reminds her that they are just two friends, hooking up and having a good time. This goes right over her head as she gives him the googly eyes and begs him to become a better man. He’s ready to become a better man–and friend–to her. I mean, Hazel doesn’t have to even read between the lines here. Berg is spelling it out for her and she still doesn’t get it. How is she confused? Hazel wants more. She wonders if he expects her to keep sleeping with him when he’s bedding other women. Yes. Yes, that’s exactly what he wants to happen. Hazel is in tears. She can’t keep being a jump-off. Okay, then DON’T. This girl needs to get a clue. 

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wwhl andy and giudices

Well I know what I’ll be doing tomorrow night! Bravo seems to be cashing in on everything Giudice now that the stars of Real Housewives of New Jersey are heading to the clink. I have to admit, I am still a bit of shock to think of Teresa Giudice serving actual time. Something tells me that Juicy Joe wasn’t surprised to hear his sentence. I feel like he’s been dodging the law for so long, it has to be a bit of relief to get to stop running.

Of course, the Giudices (and the network that introduced them to the world) want to proactively handle the insane publicity that is sure to intensify as we countdown to Tre’s lock-up. Andy Cohen is no dummy. He’s going to milk this for all it’s worth, and he’s already teasing the Giudices’ Monday appearance in the clubhouse on the heels of Teresa canceling her public appearances.

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