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dont be tardy kroy kim

So, a special thanks to Kim Zolciak Biermann, Kroy and crew for a much needed break from Miley Cyrus and the VMAs last night. I know, I know, I didn’t have to watch, but I couldn’t stop…until it was time for Don’t Be Tardy. Gracious pop culture can make me feel so incredibly old! Of course, I feel like I’m watching the reality show a 40-year-old Miley will have with her family as Kim answers their phone to hear four-year-old son cage yelling to open the “f@$%ing gate” so he and the nanny can get into the driveway. Kim scolds her oldest daughters for giving KJ a potty mouth as she jokes that she never swears in front of her young ones. Eye roll.

The family is getting ready for their annual vacation to Destin, Florida, but Kim is hoping for more glamorous locales once the twins get older….like Mexico. Chef Tracey (who loves to say things for shock value to make sure she gets more screen time) warns Kim of the rampant child organ black market in Mexico. Tracey swears she’s not making it up, but Kim quickly changes the subject to something more important…her wigs. How will they best transport her precious wigs to Florida? Shoe boxes is not the way to go…they need seat belts. Kroy suggests a U-Haul for the wigs, but Kim deems that “trashy.” 

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dance moms cathy

Admit it…you’ve been wondering where Candy Apples Cathy went on the second half of what had to be the longest season of Dance Moms. Abby Lee Miller’s nemesis was there one episode, and the next she was gone, sending Jeanette to lead her dancers. So what happened? Where in the world is Cathy Nesbitt-Stein

While pettiness and meltdowns and ugliness unfolded on the fifth season of Dance Moms, the reason for Cathy’s absence is anything but dramatic. She claims she was simply too busy with her actual studio to participate, especially with the show relocating to Los Angeles. Of course, we all know she loves to rile up Abby, so I’m guessing she’s not gone for good…and Cathy admits that she’d love to be a part of season 6. A sixth season. I knew it was happening, but it’s like a punch in the stomach every time I’m reminded of it!

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stevie-joseline

Mona Scott-Young certainly knows what we like–reality drama so scripted it becomes hilarious entertainment! Of course, it’s even better if that drama is created by two certain members of the Love & Hip Hop family. Y’all know to whom I’m referring! Prayers have been answered.

The Puerto Rican Princess and Stebbie are getting a spin-off! Because what better way to reward bad behavior than by giving the couple their very own television show? I mean, if we’re being totally honest, they are the runaway stars of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta. It’s basically the Stevie J. and Joseline Hernandez show anyway…with a multitude of supporting cast! VH1 has just announced the spin-off, as well as the renewal of K. Michelle: My Life. It’s a good day to be a LHH veteran!

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below deck foam party

Drama, exciting and new…come aboard, we’re expecting you! Where y’all as excited as I was for the season premiere of Below Deck? Those Captain Lee, Stud of the Sea ads on Bravo have been quite a tease. Thankfully, our wait is over. Bring on crystal blue water, Captain Lee lectures, millionaire antics, and sunny insanity! 

Before we get into the recap let’s meet the crew, shall we? Returning this season are a few fan favorites. Adorable bosun Eddie Lucas is back, as is Kate Chastain and her bitchy resting face. Kate’s least favorite stew Amy Johnson returns as well. Of course, it wouldn’t be the show without everyone’s favorite captain! Joining the group are some folks who are sure to bring the crazy. Raquel “Rocky” Dakota is a former competitive diver and surfer who went to culinary school in the hopes of being a yacht chef. Unfortunately, this summer she’s just second stew. She’s also likely to be in a 5150 hold at some point in the near future.

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shahs of sunset mj instagram

If you’ve been checking Facebook and Instagram for the last two weeks (who hasn’t?), your news feed has likely been flooded with countless pictures of precious children (most holding creative, bedazzled signs sharing teachers’ names and what grade they’re entering that are the envy of a multitude of Pinterest followers!) heading back to school. I’m sure that there are a bevy of you who have posted your own proud pics of kiddos growing up too fast and refusing to let you walk them into their classroom. I’ve enjoyed seeing every last one!

The back to school frenzy has been so intense this year, that the craze isn’t just for pre-K through high school students. I have one friend from college who has jokingly vocalized his disdain for the fad to the point where he has close to a hundred friends who are now tagging him in their back-to-school posts just to add more play to his notifications tab. He has retaliated by posting his 33rd first day of school and returning the favor–all in good fun. Of course, reality stars are getting into the game because, let’s be honest, they always LOVE a reason to hashtag yet another Instagram photo! Shahs of Sunsets’ Mercedes “MJ” Javid posted her own variation…and called out haters with less than nice comments. #bts, y’all! 

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bachelor chris harrison ben higgins

It’s the franchise that never ends. When it first began a few hundred eligible, looking-for-love folks and thirteen years ago, viewers doubted the process. How can a guy (or gal) find their soulmate from a pool of twenty gorgeous hopefuls after only six weeks of fairy tale style, jet-setting dates? Now, we know the process is full of holes, but we take it for what it is. Mind numbing gold. The Bachelor and Bachelorette have morphed into a search for the next shiny couple who will find love, get engaged, fulfill their contractual obligations with ABC, quietly break-up (let’s face it, the track record for marriages is less than stellar) and then ditch their boring day jobs to pursue a life in the spotlight…usually on Dancing with the Stars. Throw in the sweet, yet rejected, fan favorite (to star in the next season, of course!), and a few certifiable creepers, and we’re still watching–guiltily loving every fabricated second. Plus, there’s Chris Harrison. What more could you want? 

On the heels of Kailtyn Bristow’s turn as the Bachelorette and a rowdy run of castoffs returning to compete on Bachelor in Paradise, ABC has announced the lucky gent who will have women falling over themselves for that rose come January 2016. Congratulations, Ben Higgins!

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lhhatl reunion

Nina Parker, formerly of TMZ and the Insider, is at the helm of this season’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta Reunion. She can’t do any worse than hosts of the past, can she? In my opinion, she did a good job wrangling Stevie J., Joseline Hernandez, Mimi Faust, Rasheeda and Kirk Frost and crew, but we’ve got another hour next week to draw final conclusions! Off that bat, she begins last night’s first installment by introducing the major players. Thankfully the extras are “holding it down on the couches,” although there are several minor characters missing at this point. 

In the finale episode, Stevie takes off to Los Angeles without his bride, but he and Joseline explain that they are “working through things” and happy. Stevie feels proud and healthy due to his sobriety and Joseline doesn’t see the need to accommodate him by curbing her intake…as she states, she’s not going to court. Joseline then turns on her co-stars, saying that if they are nice, she’ll be nice, if they act a fool, well…Nina highlights Joseline’s journey after her last reunion antics from reconciling with Stevie to NOT apologizing to Mimi. Joseline tells Nina that she was in the wrong for wiling out the last time they were in this situation, but everyone was ganging up on her. As for apologizing to Mimi, Joseline doesn’t think her husband’s ex needs to hold her breath. Stevie feels badly for pushing Joseline’s buttons when it came to her working without him, and Karlie Redd expresses her surprise at the bouquet that met the side of her face. Joseline instructs her to speak more loudly like when she bleeps bleep. Geez. Ariane challenges Karlie’s loyalty, and the two have a war of words. Oddly enough, the Karlie and Joseline agree that they could be friends going forward. 

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dont be tardy brielle car

Y’all, I’m torn. On one hand, I enjoy watching a show on Bravo that doesn’t revolve around incessant bickering and pettiness, but on the other hand…that chef, the language, Kim Zolciak Biermann’s new face that she’s denying! What’s up with all of that? Don’t Be Tardy is certainly mindless entertainment, but I feel like it’s also killing my brain cells…but what reality show isn’t these days? :)

Last night’s installment begins with Kroy and the obnoxious chef playing pool as Gloria the assistant brings downstairs the overly excited tiny pups with their red rockets glaring in Kim’s face. As Kim complains about the puppies x-rated doggie parts, one creature pees on Brielle’s bum and everyone gets into an overly ridiculous conversation about how many sacs hold the testicles in both canines and men. Kim has felt the balls and sacs with her pooches and her husband. That’s a tad too much information for this blogger!

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