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Southern Charm New Orleans Recap: Patron And Paint, Whine And Design

Oh Southern Charm New Orleans, we are back and ready for some drama. Last night’s episode did not disappoint, and I think the guys are much needed comic relief while the women fly off the handle in feeble attempts to whip their husbands into shape. I actually kind of like this show!

Tamica Lee and husband Barry Smith are cleaning up after their dinner party, and he finds the priestess’ incense to burn to increase their intimacy. Barry wonders how all of their friends know about their lack of sex life. Tamica plays dumb…she has no clue how that subject came up during the meal. She certainly isn’t sharing their lack of pillow talk with her friends. Outside of the city, Reagan and Jeff Charleston are walking their dogs, and Reagan wants her giant house in the suburbs as well as a pied-a-terre in the French Quarter. Jeff isn’t yet privy to the news that he won’t be joining his bride during stints in the city. Reagan is in her second year of law school, but she wants a flexible schedule so she can run her multiple businesses. #CraigLife Jeff is willing to support Reagan in any endeavor since she had his back when he was in the throes of his NFL career.

Southern Charm Recap:

I’m not sure what Southern Charm is attempting with its new introduction, but it does seamlessly help transition from one episode to the other. We’re still treated to the Charmers starting their day, but if I’m being completely honest, I could have done without a certain aging Lothario slothing around in his bathrobe and making googley eyes at his latest contender for child bride.

Thomas Ravenel and new lady Ashley are cuddling in bed as he praises her for having a “real woman’s heart”…whatever that means. Across town, Patricia Altschul calls Cameran Eubanks to discuss a co-ed baby shower. Pat and Cam bond over uncomfortable pregnancies, Cameran promises to provide a guest list. Patricia interrupts to say that since she’s hosting, she’ll compile the guest list. At Kathryn Dennis’ new apartment, the young mom is playing with Kensie and Saint. Only getting her kids every other weekend, Kathryn focuses on spending all of her time bonding with her toddlers. Kensie is an attentive big sister, ordering Saint around like it’s her job, and it will be for the rest of her life. My younger brother would say the same!

Southern Charm New Orleans Recap: Boobs, Beads, And Booze

Well guys, Bravo is trying once again to franchise one of its fan favorites with Southern Charm New Orleans. Did Andy Cohen learn nothing from that Savannah debacle? Whatever. One of the gentlemen from the latest endeavor describes his town as “boobs, beads, and booze,” so there’s that. To say my hopes aren’t high is a bit of an understatement, but I’m willing to give it a go!

Tamica Lee heads to work as morning show anchor. She’s quick to remind us that her father played for the Saints and she’s quite the benefactress. Tamica is married to Barry Smith, who she asserts isn’t nearly as fun as she is. Barry claims to be Mr. Mom. He’s all about driving his kids around town to school and activities. Jeff and Reagan Charleston are married and are the parents to several dogs. Jeff is a former NFL player and Reagan takes a lot of pride of being New Orleans born and raised, with her ancestors basically founding the city (according to her). They are hosting Tamica and Barry at their home. It’s huge. There is a giant foyer that boasts three stories of stairwells. Reagan and Tamica are like sisters, which just means they fight all the time and are extremely competitive. Tamica and Barry are moving into a new house, but Tamica doesn’t want to talk about it with her pal…basically because of that whole competitive piece. Clearly these people already know the golden rule in reality television…keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Southern Charm Recap:

Last night’s Southern Charm invited us to sit down with our favorite man children and the girls who love to hate them…and sometimes hate to love them. All poor Shep Rose wants is to celebrate his thirty-eighth birthday, but Naomie Olindo and Danni Baird have other plans. Kathryn Dennis manages to keep her cool despite Thomas Ravenel flaunting new arm candy in her heavily made up face. It’s the south’s version of the dinner party from hell, minus the e-cigarette and psychic.

At Shep’s house, Craig Conover is lording over raw meat as T-Rav and his new lady bitch about Kathryn and joke about Ashley becoming T-Rav’s new bride and his children’s new mom. Classy. The charmers arrive at the party with Cameran Eubanks waddling up with in her finest maternity wear that showcases her adorable bump. Ashley tries to butter up the mini-matriarch by asking if she’s only five months along in her pregnancy…as if she doesn’t stalk her on social media. Cameran questions Craig about how he feels seeing Naomie, and he’s nervous. In the Uber with the girls, Naomie admits she feels the same way. Likewise, Austen Kroll and Chelsea Meissner are awaiting their own uneasy encounters. T-Rav jokes that J.D. calls this gal crew the “break-up bunch.” The ladies are all about supporting each other while tearing down their narcissistic Peter Pan counterparts.

Southern Charm Recap:

It. Is. Here. I feel like it’s been an eternity since Southern Charm graced us with its presence. Having moved away from Charleston in January, I’m sure it will make me a tad homesick to watch, but that’s okay because the salacious drama and ridiculous debauchery will make it all better. Hell, I didn’t even get sad when I saw that Jax Taylor, Kristen Doute, and Brittany Cartwright were partying LAST NIGHT with Shepard “Shep” Rose and Chelsea Meissner at a bar two blocks from my old stomping ground. It’s a magical place for sure…and this show can’t taint it even with all of its absurdity. Plus, did we mention no Landon??

So it begins like every other season…with a bang up fight that we won’t see fully until the end. This time our sneak peek into the future surrounds a Christmas party at the Hibernian that went south (literally) really quickly as Kathryn Dennis cusses out Thomas Ravenel’s flavor of the month who in turn calls Kathryn an egg donor. Ouch. But three months earlier, everything is a bit sunnier in my favorite place. Cameran Eubanks is close to giving birth with her first child, a little girl. It’s been an uncomplicated pregnancy up until the last several weeks, but Shep knows how to entice his friend out of bed with some Chick-fil-A. Works every time. What doesn’t work? Shep’s relationship that culminated on his spin-off Relationshep. His twenty-three-year-old paramour went to bed at eleven. That’s way too early for Shep. His whirlwind romance lasted all of five days in New York City. Alas, Shep is ready to move on and celebrate his thirty-eighth birthday. Priorities.

Real Housewives Of New York Recap:

Billy Joel’s “New York State of Mind” has basically been my anthem while anxiously awaiting Real Housewives of New York. Well guess, what? They’re back with all the camel toe, cultural appropriation, and drunken drama we’ve come to expect from these Upper East Siders. Throw in Luann de Lesseps’ recent shenanigans, and it’s a cocktail Carrie Bradshaw herself would endorse.

Ramona Singer is drinking coffee from a mug that reads, “Keep Calm…Take a Xanax.” If there was ever a more appropriate opening scene for any season premiere of a housewives franchise, this is it. The women are readying for a day in the Big Apple, with Carole Radziwill running through Manhattan and Tinsley Mortimer failing to potty train her mini-dog.  Dorinda Medley is razor focused on planning a massive Halloween party. The theme is “Famous People: Dead or Alive” and Dorinda is channeling her inner Gaga. Unfortunately for Dorinda, she didn’t read the fine print on her Amazon order, and instead of the infamous Lady Gaga bubble dress, she received a box full of clear plastic orbs. She should store them for a future crafting sesh. Decorated with holly and scary Santas, they’d make the perfect addition to her Berkshires Yuletide menagerie. Of course, if you’re a RHONY, you’ve got a costume designer who works at SNL on speed dial who is willing to help out for a name drop. Done and done.

Sister Wives Tell-All Recap: Just Friends

Could y’all believe Kody Brown’s shocking announcement during last night’s Sister Wives? Ten more seasons with eighteen two hour episodes in each! Woohoo! April Fool’s! 🙂 In the hard-hitting final installment of what has been reported to be the final season, Andrea Canning tackles all the tough questions. First up…is Tony an official Brown? If talking down to his wife Mykelti and wanting a 4,000 taco party for any occasion makes one a Brown, Tony’s about to knock Kody right off his throne! Christine is adamant that Tony is a Brown. Andrea probes deeper, asking, “But what actually does he bring to your family?” Her questions reflect what the people really want to know! Christine exclaims he brings the excitement and pizzazz. Kody seconds that Tony has that million dollar personality. The tell-all spends all of a minute to recap half the season with Mykelti and Tony’s wedding. Andrea wonders if there was a concern about Mykleti’s maturity level in getting married. Of course! Christine pipes in to assure the masses that the kids adhered to the Brown’s projected budget…although that isn’t how it appeared to play out during the first eighteen hours of this season. The couple stuck to the money plans. Why else would Mykleti have made all of those fabric flowers. Saving money, folks!

Kody then avoids the hot seat by discussing how he balances his separate personal lives with each wife. When a fifth wife is proposed, Christine isn’t feeling it. Janelle is fine with it because we all know she’s already got one foot out the door. Robyn wants to say no, but she recognizes that love multiplies, it doesn’t divide. Meri doesn’t see it happening, but why are they asking her in the first place? Are they pretending she gets a vote?

Sister Wives Tell All Recap: The Mighty Man Bun

Y’all! It’s a Sister Wives miracle! The first half of last night’s tell-all was only one hour long! And most of that hour was video recaps and commercials. I’m almost sad we didn’t get more time with Kody Brown and his new ‘do. Almost. What a difference a year makes when the family convenes to rehash the longest season known to man. Meri seems happier. Robyn cries, but she doesn’t talk as much. Christine revels in her new role as the family bad ass while Janelle is just glad to be a grandmother.

Andrea Canning is hosting the debacle, and she immediately compliments Kody’s man bun. He’s even shaved the sides and glued them to his chin. A quick poll shows that everyone but Meri is on board with the man bun. Andrea dives in with Meri’s desire to buy her family home to start a bed-and-breakfast/house her mother in her twilight years. Meri insists to Andrea that she was only sharing her idea with the family because she’d been chastised for withdrawing during her catfish situation. Looking back, Meri recognizes that she didn’t frame it as such, saying she could have been better about expressing her thoughts. The discussions segues into the lack of intimacy in Meri and Kody’s relationship. Kody is fine with the status quo, but Meri wants more. Robyn interrupts, accusing Kody of saying stupid things.