Real Housewives of Dallas, y’all. I need some kind of conspiracy theorist’s chart riddled with news clippings, string, and photographs to keep up with all the alliance hopping…or at the very least a decent Pinterest inspired bullet journal to follow all of the craziness. Season two created a conundrum for me. As annoying as I found most all of the cast in some ways, they were all likable in other ways, save for Kameron Westcott’s forced valley girl dialect. LeeAnne Locken was the clear villain last year, but she showed true moments of vulnerability when paired with her best friend, newbie D’Andra Simmons…until she kept threatening people’s life with her JUST HANDS. Sheesh.
Brandi Redmond and Stephanie Hollman’s reconciliation was a moment of realness, the likes of which Bravo viewers haven’t seen since the early seasons of RHOC–you know, when the franchise was less about drama and more about real life. Being the new franchise on the block, Dallas delivered a bit more reality and a bit less manufactured shock factor. Unfortunately, their reality was all shock factor, and Brandi hopes she’s learned from it, at least a little.
Season two of Real Housewives of Dallas flew by in a whirlwind of funnel cakes, death threats, pink dog food and constant eye rolls and insults regarding class and zip codes. Looking back, I’m not really sure how I feel about it all, but newcomer D’Andra Simmons does. In her latest blog, she addresses her ride or die loyalty to Just Hands while calling out the “brunch bashers” for their bad behavior.
She begins, “We have come to an end of the season, and I have to say, I am a little melancholy. Luckily we still have a drama filled reunion, but it feels so strange that I won’t be rushing home from work or an event staring at the TV screen at 9PM CST watching The Real Housewives of Dallas with everyone and reacting to the Twitter feed. It has been a crazy fun-filled and rewarding ride. I started this season not knowing what to expect from this journey. It was rough at times, but in the end I am truly glad I decided to take this plunge. My year ended with so many blessings and new opportunities, even in the midst of so much tension. My friendship with LeeAnne Locken has remained strong, although, I never questioned it from the get-go. I found my place among a group of ladies that are still trying to find themselves, and I never lost my identity. I stayed true to who I am. Love me or hate me, I am always the same person, whether that is on camera or in private. My mom and I faced our conflicts head on, and I was able to prove to her that I am ready and able to take over the family business. I now have a company of my own and a bright future full of promise that is truly mine to create. My bestie is finally engaged, and I am excited to help her plan her wedding and a few parties in between. Unfortunately, it looks like our guest list may be shrinking!” Um, you think?
In her blog for this week’s episode, Peggy describes the most frightening experience to date, and she’s not referring to Shannon’s bed head after a seventeen hour plane ride or even that fermented shark blob that had half her co-stars gagging up a lung. Before delving into the terrifying, Peggy focuses on the positive…and the obvious (read: traveling to Iceland from the OC, generally). She begins, “Our trip to Iceland began with a long plane ride. We were greeted with cold weather and in anticipation of Orange County girls being unprepared for the obvious, Lydia planned a shopping trip to head off any problems. Girls and shopping is a classic combination which can bring out the best in every situation. As such, Vicki and Tamra started to reconnect. You could see they had a bond. They understood each other and hopefully, things will get better.” Why yes, it is a long flight. And no, none of you packed appropriately.
On last night’s two hour finale of Dance Moms, Cheryl Burke stays true to her word and returns to coach the Irreplaceables to victory. However, Jill and Kendall have gone out of town so Cheryl insists on bringing in a fifth dancer for the “Coven” group routine. She jokes that the girls will be witches while the mothers are bitches. Truth! This news causes the mothers to bristle. Who will the new girl be? Will she get a solo? What does this mean for their girls? Cheryl quickly shows them the door. Let her do her job, people!
Of course, the moms are less than thrilled when dancer Reagan arrives with her mother Julie. Reagan has competed against the girls, and the mothers don’t welcome Julie with open arms. Julie wants her daughter to have a solo given that she’s been excommunicated from all her teams for all the hopping around. Julie tries to make awkward jokes as Holly, Christi, and Camille become increasingly peeved at the attention Reagan is receiving. When she is granted a solo alongside Camryn and Kalani, the mothers go ballistic.
Well what do you know–a housewife is expressing remorse over her actions! Is there a blue moon tonight? Did a pig just fly by my window? Brandi Redmond feels downright horrible for insinuating her friend and Real Housewives of Dallascohort was shagging Dr. Dueber when she was a nanny for her now-stepchildren. Following? I’m sure LeeAnne Locken will end up as somewhat culpable, but at least she’ll own it, right?
In her blog, Brandi apologizes for her White Party accusations against Cary Dueber and hopes to explain some of what viewers may have missed in the glass throwing mayhem and subsequent pink kibble craziness. She begins, “Thank you all again for watching and keeping up with all our shenanigans. First, as I write this, my eyes are overwhelmingly pouring with tears. I am truly sorry for the pain, heartache, and embarrassment I’ve caused the Deuber family. I love and respect the family as my friends and their practice. I have never done something so low and hurtful in my life. Not only am I disappointed in myself, but I can’t imagine how people must feel that are constantly on the move to bring others down. It’s exhausting, and my soul is beyond empty for that darkness I created. I know time heals all things, and my prayers are for healing the Deuber family and myself so that I never let anyone down that I love and care about.” Sounds pretty sincere, I’d say!
Well it’s about time! For months Lifetime has been teasing about Cheryl Burke replacing Abby Lee Miller on Dance Moms, and finally she’s arrived. The OG moms are gossiping about the downfall of the ALDC after Abby quit on Brynn and the minis two weeks before Nationals. Needless to say, Ashlee is livid, but the minis are hopeful for her return.
The Irreplaceables are thrilled that Cheryl is their new instructor. This week they will be competing with a jazz group routine and two duets. Both duets will be a continuation of the same story, and they will be performed by Nia and Chloe, as well as Kendall and Camryn. Christi is over the moon. Chloe and Nia are the only girls who have been on the team since day one, and they have never had the opportunity to perform together.
After waiting out a week on pins and needles, we finally got to see the Irreplaceables face off against their former teacher and the ALDC minis on last night’s Dance Moms. Before Abby Lee Miller can cause any drama, Ashlee steps in to yell at Camille for calling Brynn and liar. As the ladies scream in front of all of their fans, the mini moms pretend to take the high road as Jill tries to reign in a furious Camille. Holly believes Ashlee is doing anything she can to justify her decision to remain with the ALDC.
In the dressing room, new choreographer Ayesha expresses her disappointment in the group for pulling their solos. She is a member of the dance community, and it’s embarrassing that she wasn’t able to motivate the girls further out of their comfort level. They need to be more focused, and she admits that she would think differently of them if they came to audition for her. Kira interjects with a nasty comment, but Ayesha is adamant that the girls are being coddled. She calls them out for not even paying attention while she’s talking to them. In the real world of dance, they may only have thirty minutes to learn a new number that has to be stage ready for a Beyoncé show. They aren’t always going to have their moms to fall back on, and Kalani appreciates the lecture.
Like every other franchise, the ladies of the Real Housewives of Orange County know a little something about cattiness (I’m looking at you Tamra Judge), whininess (ahem, Shannon Beador), and alliance shifting. If you had told me after that Quiet Woman fiasco that Shannon and Kelly Dodd would be thick as thieves a few episodes later, I would have called you crazy! Yet poor OG Vicki Gunvalson remains outside the circle of friendship with Kelly and Lydia McLaughlin crossing over to her side of the playground for a cocktail…or colonics. Also, am I the only one who thought that was way much, even for Andy Cohen?
And then there’s newcomer Peggy Sulahian who has a sharp tongue, a fierce closet (and garage), and not the best grasp of common sayings despite majoring in English in college. Add in the women’s confusion over her breast cancer and her motivation for getting a double mastectomy (as if it is anyone’s flipping business!), and Peggy is ripe for hazing. However, she’s no shrinking violet with this group of yahoos.