You can thank MTV for that lovely and not at all offense reference to Italian food and lesbians. Always keeping it classy, the gang on last night’s Jersey Shore takes a road trip to the Italian shore. Basically the entire cast plays supporting characters, while the stars of the porn episode are everyone’s favorite drunken meatballs, Snooki and Deena.

Ronnie, Snooki and Jenni head to work at the pizza parlor. JWoww and Rawn try to apologize for the previous night’s intervention while still insisting that Snooki deserves to enjoy her time in Italy. Ronnie’s job is yelling at potential patrons from the sidewalk with a megaphone. Their boss gives them a break to go shopping for their beach trip to Vertronni. Seriously, where? I can’t understand what they are saying.


The trio arrives home with pizza a’ plenty, and Snooki calls Jionni. He is not happy about last night’s conversation. He thinks that she and all her roommates are crazy. Jionni says he refuses to come visit after her antics and hangs up on her. No worries, there is a roommate road trip planned for the weekend to Catonni. Is that a real place? The gang is packing, and there is more luggage than if Paris Hilton were spending a weekend at her next-door neighbors. Ronnie pays homage to Angelina and packs half of his stuff in a plastic bag.

Two tiny cars which are bogged down with luggage are doing their darndest to get the juiceheads and guidettes to Matronni. The crew’s accommodations are beautiful, and among the group their lodging is compared to Seaside Heights, Hawaii, and a “place on the edge of a continent or something.” If you were curious, that last observation was Snooki’s. Shocking. The group is happy to be back at the (Italian) shore and are ready to get wasted on the beach. Deena tries to explain to their bartender that the “Kooka” is a fancy word for a lady’s vajayjay. The bartender informs them that their conversation is inappropriate, but when they explain they are from the Jersey shore, he seems to understand. They are so cross-cultural.

The girls go on a drunken shopping spree, with Snooks spending $400 on Hello Kitty paraphernalia…because that is stuff you can’t get in the States. Jenni and Sam are on the sober side of wasted, so Deena and Snooki’s antics are beginning to get on their last nerve. The sloppy mini-meatballs are talking to everyone on the street in their best Pauly D voices. JWoww and Sam head back to the hotel while the meatballs are drawn to music and dancing. The guys join them and enjoy watching the train wreck. Snooki falls face first into a bush and then begins dancing while lying on her back on the floor. Deena is so out of control that her bikini bottoms fall off mid-stripper dance. She reveals that not everyone is hardcore enough to dance off their underwears. Um, is it plural? Is she wearing more than one pair? For the guys, it’s gone from funny to embarrassing, and they sneak out to find a less meatball-ish place to pre-party.

The crowd (sans meatballs) is cleaned up and ready for a nice dinner out on the town. Rawn compares Snooki’s bush-plant to Mike’s forehead’s battle with the wall. Too hungry to wait, the housemates order while the meatballs are back at the hotel getting ready. I’m glad they didn’t decide to forgo a change of clothes as Snooki realizes while changing that she’d wet her pants. And people think the cast of Jersey Shore is embarrassing? Please…what a bunch of stick-in-the-muds. Snooki and Deena arrive after their roommates have finished a six course meal. Everyone impatiently waits for them to get some food in their systems before heading to the club. Sam suggests that Deena head back to the hotel, just because she can’t complete a coherent sentence. Gracious, Sam is such a prude!

At the club in Rishonnay, a plastered Snooki is getting frustrated with JWoww’s mother hen instincts. Shockingly, Deena forgot her underwears again (seriously Deena, there is no “s” on the end!) and Jenni is grossed out at the sluttiness factor of showing her business to everyone…not to mention, she apparently needs a wax. Jenni and Sammi quickly inform her after her ridic dance moves that her hoo-haa is hanging out, but Deena informs them that no one can see it…um, well then how did they know she wasn’t sporting any underwears? Deena and Snooki start making out hardcore and the roommates are beside themselves. It’s another “Lez be honest” moment for the boys, and they are far from turned on by it. The meatballs can’t stop kissing and Sam feels like she’s in the midst of a porn. Poor JWoww has to share a room with the hook up queens.

The boys wake up pretty early the next morning, and based on Ronnie’s wake-up call to the guys, Pauly D is convinced Rawn is “swacker.” Translation, Rawn is being a “swag jacker” by copying Pauly’s style. The guys harp on whether there has been a jacking of Pauly’s swagger before discussing how embarrassing last night’s meatball situation was. The guys all think that Snooki hooking up with Deena constitutes cheating on Jionni.

Riccione! Thank goodness! Sam and Jenni are out shopping and I see a billboard which is kind enough to give me the spelling of the glorious Italian beach town where they are staying…and which they all pronounce in a totally different manner. The boys wake up the meatballs and Vinny thinks it smells like sweat and regret in their room. The guys are making fun of them, and both girls can’t remember anything after dinner…well, maybe they remember kissing, but nothing else, but maybe? No, nothing else. Jenni and Sammi inform the pair that they were making out for hours. JWoww recreates what she was unfortunate enough to witness in the ladies’ shared bedroom.

Heading back to their Italian home, Snooki has the parking brake on for a ridiculous amount of time. Once back at the villa, Snooks calls Jionni. All the roommates are watching the phone conversation as if they are watching a drive-in movie. Snooki tells Jionni that she had an intense make-out session with Deena. There is silence on the other end of the line, and then, “Okay, well that’s cool.” And Snooki gives her audience a big thumbs up.

Snooki, Deena, and Mike are heading to work. Thankfully, the Situation seems to be fully functioning minus his neck brace. Mike surprises Snooki with his work ethic, but someone has to do something besides standing in front of an oscillating fan or hiding in recycling cans. After work, Deena and Snooki head to the gym with Snooki behind the wheel. And here’s the moment we saw in tabloids long ago, dear readers…our beloved Nicole wrecks into an Italian police car. No bueno. Not to mention, Snooki left her license back at the house. Deena calls Vinny to tell him the news, and the boys find her license and race out to find their meatballs. One of the officers is being taken out of his car on a stretcher wearing a neck brace (perhaps he’s Mike’s Italian cousin?) and Nicole is placed in an all too familiar setting…the back of a cop car.

Next week, Jionni comes to visit. Snooki plays a practical joke by planting the slutty twin (how I’ve missed her) in Mike’s bed when he’s bringing home another chick. Out at the club, Snooki’s normal behavior (and by that I mean normal for her) embarrasses Jionni to the point where he storms off and leaves her, causing tension between her and JWoww.


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