Jersey Shore Recap: Smushing, Smashing, Stirring, and Slurring

On last night’s episode of Jersey Shore, the girls and guys take separate mini-vacays. Things are off-again-on-again for Snooki with both her boyfriend Jionni and her biffle JWoww. The Situation stirs the pot, and Pauly D sits back and watches it all like he’s on my couch watching with me. I actually think that would be a blast!

Snooki wakes up discombobulated in Vinny’s bed, and she goes to wake up JWoww at the chipper hour of 7am. Jenni doesn’t know where Snooks slept, but Snooki reveals in her confessional that she would never cheat on Jionni. In fact, she specifically remembers telling him “we’re done” before hopping into Vin’s bed. JWoww reluctantly gets up and fills Nicole in on how she defended her to Mike the previous night.

Mike wanders into the ladies’ room after hearing a lot of yelling. Snooki starts screaming at him. Perhaps the lady protests too much. Snooki and JWoww head out for a breakfast of mimosas, and Mike calls his friend Unit (seriously?) who was diddling Ryder on the night in question. The Situation wants to make sure he didn’t make up the sexcapades in his head. Unit confirms Mike’s version of the story. Over their champagne brunch, Snooki admits to JWoww that she hooked up with Vinny but that they didn’t smush….that she remembers.


Mike has formulated a master plan in an attempt to get Snooki to fess up–he is going to let it leak that he gave Jionni’s phone number to Unit so Snooki’s man can hear his version of events. While Mike didn’t actually do that, he hopes the story will be enough to make Snooki come clean. Sammi “overhears” Mike’s plan, but just to be on the safe side, he spills the same fake story to Deena. Sammi lets Mike know that his (alleged) story is such a douche move. Little does she know, Mike is being quite the puppet master right now.

Snooki is drunk in the morning, yelling at nuns and showing her kucka in the street while doing cartwheels. She purchases a 20 liter bottle of Chianti which she promptly breaks on the cobblestone streets of Florence. Paging Dr. Pinsky, Dr. Drew Pinsky? Back at the casa, Vinny is talking to his mom about a boys’ trip to Sicily to see his maternal side of the family. A stumbling Nicole and Jenni return home to go straight back to bed. Mike reveals his entire plan to Pauly D, who can’t help giggling like a school girl at the sheer guido brilliance of it all. Pauly D can’t wait to watch this show go down.

Sammi gets home from work and immediately tells Snooki that Mike gave Jionni’s number to Unit. Snooki goes from passed out to crazed in 2.5 seconds and goes running into the living room screeching at Mike. She is throwing everything she can get her hands on at him, including a bottle of wine, but Mike has speed (in the sense that he is fast…and probably the other kind too). Pauly D compares Mike’s moves to the Matrix. Mike’s hair is way, way, way out of control…almost as out of control as Snooki.

Mike tries to justify the meanness in his plan, and Vinny tells him it was just messed up because Snooki really cares about Jionni. Cue the peanut gallery Pauly D with, “She didn’t look like she cared last night,” as Vinny and Ronnie dissolve into girly giggles. Having roomed with Vinny before, Pauly D knows exactly what it sounds like when Vin smushes, and he and Snooki were def smushing. Sammi tells Rawn it doesn’t matter what did or didn’t happen between Snooki and the Situation, it was a d*ck move for him to lie like that. Even the guys thinks Mike needs to chill out a bit…perhaps this is stemming from a head injury incurred when he got into a fight with the wall.

The boys are heading to Sicily, while the girls are going on a wine crawl of Tuscany, complete with floppy hats. JWoww declares that the ladies look “sophisticated and classy” right before Snooki passes gas in Sam’s face. Seriously, does she know she’s being filmed?? Vinny is excited about tracing his roots to Sicily, and he can’t wait to meet his family. Sicily reminds him of Jurassic Park. Ronnie is uncomfortable about the guidos hanging on a ranch in the middle of nowhere with Vin’s fam. Vinny and his extended family share pictures, and there is a presh one of awkward Vinny circa 1998.

In Tuscany, Snooki is, of course, making a very loud and shrieking spectacle at the first winery. At the tasting, Snooki doesn’t want to learn history or geography, she just wants f-in’ wine. Remind me again why Italy hasn’t declared war on us because of this show? Finally able to make herself the center of attention, Snooks pines for Jionni while the other girls wonder about her Vinny hook-up. As JWoww so eloquently puts it, the damage is done. Snooki doesn’t want to hear anything her biffle has to say, and the gracious American woman conducting the tasting sits awkwardly at the table throughout the conversation. JWoww thinks Jionni can forgive a lot of things, but smushing Vinny the day he leaves probably isn’t one of them.

Snooki didn’t even have sex with Vinny, so what’s the big deal? In her confessional, Deena says she knows that she heard “the sex” but she doesn’t want to put Snooki “on blast” since she’s already upset. Back in Sicily, the boys are carefree and enjoying a delicious looking meal with extras hired by MTV Vinny’s relatives. Vin makes a toast in between heaping courses of food.

Things are hazy in Tuscany. Snooki and Deena sit on some dude’s motorbike to pose for a picture, causing it (and them) to fall over into the street. At the next stop, Snooki tries to nap on some wine barrels, and their clearly ruffled Italian tour guide tries to laugh it off while getting the orange Oompah Loompah off his money makers. While tasting, Nicole calls Jenni out for not being a good friend. Jenni makes a comment that implies that she knows from a private conversation with Snooki that Mike is telling the truth. Snooki starts screaming and crying in the middle of tasting and storms out into the street. Sam and Deena are left thinking perhaps Mike wasn’t lying.

Deena and Sammi think that Jenni did the right thing by not sugar-coating her opinions. On the bus ride home, the girls are quiet and awkward. However, nothing is quiet and awkward in Sicily…Vin is very reflective on this once in a lifetime opportunity. Back in Florence, JWoww reveals that she is tired of covering for Snooki, and while Snooki is mad at her, they still love one another like bffsforeverandalways. The two hug it out, and Snooki admits she is upset about the way she has been acting.

Needing more comfort, Nicole phones home only to have her dad tell her that Jionni has changed his Facebook relationship status to ‘single.’ Really? My dad wouldn’t even know what that was! Gawd. Nicole knows that it’s official…they are single per Mark Zuckerburg. Snooki calls Jionni who says he thought Nicole had broken up with him. He tells her she broke his heart. Snooks tries to clarify that she just wanted a break, not a break-up (how very Rachel of her), but she may have hooked up with Vinny during that break (how very Ross of her). Nicole is adamant that she didn’t have sex with Vinny, but the confession is enough for Jionni to announce he’s done before hanging up on her.

The guys return home after a fun and relaxing trip to Sicily. Snooki calls Jionni again to apologize about hooking up with Vinny…but not having the sex. In an odd and embarrassing turn of events, Jionni agrees to give Nicole another chance. After a gleeful freak out in honor of being back with her one true love, Snooks approaches Vinny to find out what really happened between them. He can’t believe that she was so drunk she doesn’t remember. Um…isn’t that how she spends all her days?

Vinny flat out tells her that he thinks she remembers but is playing dumb. He takes her out on the balcony to discuss the progression of events. Snooki is giggling with embarrassment at Vin’s reenactment of the night, but she is floored to learn that they totally had the sex. She must tell Jionni the truth. Jionni gets his third international phone call of the day from his newly instated girlfriend telling him she banged her roommate. Can you hear me now?

Next week on this train wreck, Deena begs Pauly D for the sex, and Mike gets things thrown at him by another girl in the house…the lovely Deena Nicole. Mike antagonizes people at the clerb, and the roommates have a house meeting to discuss Mike’s fate.