Jersey Shore Recap: Loyalty and Betrayal

It’s back to the beach with the peeps of Jersey Shore. Last night, Vinny settles back into shore life, Snooki loses bladder control, and Mike is eerily nice.

Vinny has come back to the Mothership, which is awesome because it means no new roommates for the gang. Everyone heads out, but Rawn for one is leery that Mike is being nice. Like really nice. Scary nice. It is very strange. JWoww is upset that Roger has been MIA, while the Situation reveals that he wants to get a tattoo that says “Loyalty and Betrayal” since he knows so much about those two things. Ronnie thinks “Betrayal and Betrayal” would be more appropriate given Mike’s pension for stirring up dramz among the roommates while being anything but “loyal.”

No matter, let’s just go to Karma! Pauly D is thrilled to have his wing man Vinny back at the Shore. Snooki is thrilled to have all of her guido family back together. So thrilled, in fact, that she totally soils herself on the dance floor. I know when I have to pee…do you, dear readers? Luckily Snooki takes a Shore shower, which means she maybe washed her hands when she went to the bathroom. Who are these people?


The gang heads back to the house where Deena just wants a Hot Pocket. Don’t deter her, people! Vinny and his pseudo-mohawk are very excited to back at the shore. The next morning, Snooks wakes up, complete with Payless platforms intact. She wants to get rid of the evidence of tinkling on herself before everyone else awakes. Wait, she didn’t do that the night before, shower, and put on clean drawers? I am every bit disgusted as Snooks as she covertly places her soiled undies in the trash. Party foul times ten!

Deena is having issues. Her real extensions and her add-in white blonde extensions have gotten tangled. Even worse, while trying to untangle all her fake hair, Dirty D gets electrocuted! Sammi gives her a clean bill of health so all is well with the world. Snooki is ready to day drink. Mike is being shady, and Jenni still can’t get in touch with Roger. To be on the safe side, Snooki puts on a pair of Depends two pairs of underwear to make sure she has a fun day. Ronnie is the only voice of reason. He’s beyond concerned about how chill Mike is being. Is he going to blow up the shore house?

Day drinking! Sunday Funday! Deena rhyming things I don’t understand! Mike is excited to be out, as he’s a native. He’s going to find friends wherever. Pauly and Vinny are skeptical. Snooki’s bladder is bothering her beyond measure. She may have a UTI…urinary tract infection, not ultimate tanning institute. Thanks for clarifying. She’s not pregnant though. The gang decides to hit up the batting cage, much to Mike’s dismay. Remind me that if my life ever depends on a softball game to pick Deena over Snooki.

On the way out that night afternoon, Snooki and Deena end up in a cab with the Situation. He feels alone. The dudes are against him. The girls try to appease him while thinking he’s being overly dramatic. On the roof of the shore house, Mike engulfs Snooki in a bear hug. Sadly enough, his pants are so low that he needs MTV blurring. He admits that he’s been trying hard with the house mates and his feelings are hurt. When the remaining roommates show up, all they can focus on is the fact that Mike is accidentally showing the party in his pants to people who don’t want to attend. Poor JWoww can’t look at him as his shorts are now mid-thigh. A drunk Mike doesn’t understand why his roommates are being so shady. He doesn’t feel accepted. Snooki tells him that his 180 degree mood swing into kindness doesn’t seem sincere to the group. Mike is mad…he’ll show them insincerity. Geez. How old are you? Oh yeah, my age. AKA old.

Mike can’t let it go, so he goes down to unleash on Pauly, Vinny, and Rawn. It’s not even nighttime in the land of Jersey Shore. It’s still daylight! Snooki is mad that the boys gloss over the situation with the Situation. In an effort to “bring fun” to the house, Deena and Snooki revive the horrifying, terrifying, not okay in my book bunny costume. The group decides to play a memory game. I hear soot, bad memory, warm beer, and Snooki. It’s bound to go downhill from here, but I apologize for not being able to give you the actual rules. Snooki is apparently losing which means she is covered in soot, but yet she has no clue that her whole face is tainted. She learns quickly when she heads to the restroom. And can I say, thank goodness she went to the restroom instead of wetting herself?

Pigeons have taken over the shore porch. That’s what happens when late night snacks meet early morning birds. Jenni chides a friend into coming to fix her and Snooki’s hair. Meanwhile Deena is using her Shore Store creative prowess to insure that her new booty shorts (yikes!) are seen under her short dress. No worries there. Snooki’s father arrives and, much like all good father/daughter relationships, she asks her dad to head to the store to buy false eyelashes and cranberry juice for her UTI. That’s pretty much exactly what I asked my dad to bring me the last time he came over for dinner.

Mike is over the moon that he has just seen Roger when Jenni doesn’t know he’s in town. The Situation is laying on the charm with Deena who is lapping it up like a puppy with a new bowl of water. Mike acts like he’s confused by his roommate’s antics. Um. Deena is playing into his “Situation” like it’s her job. Mike just wants justice with the roommates….and for all of them to know that he did, in fact, hook up with Snooks while she was dating Jionni. And, at the end of the day, isn’t that what we all want?

After a day at the Shore Store, Mike feels the need to tell Jenni that he saw Roger. He hates to start drama, but he doesn’t want to be a liar. He’d rather stir the pot. Pauly D and Rawn are laughing about the fact that Mike must be up to something since he’s being so nice. The guy house mates are over it. Mike does a horrible job of trying to throw Jenni and Roger’s relationship under the bus. Pauly, Vinny, and Ron pretend to agree with Mike that Snooki is lying in her relationship with Jionni about her alleged hook up with Mike. Because they care. #notatall

Next week, Vinny gets blocked by Deena while Jenni and Roger’s relationship implodes.