Survivor Recap: The Blind Leading The Blind

Oh ladies of Survivor, did any of you ever watch an episode before coming on this show? Perhaps you did, as you finally made some headway on last night’s episode.

A storm’s a brewin’ on the beach, and Colton invites the women to the men’s camp, which has more shelter to survive the elements. The women politely decline, because… They. Are. Tough. The women are freezing and wind-blown, when the downpour begins. They are huddled together under a flimsy palm-frond tent. Good times! Thankfully, the Salani make it through the night. They are cold, hungry, and tired, and with their fire gone, they don’t know what they’ll be eating. Troyzan and Colton allow the women to come dry off by their roaring fire. Of course the men have fire…they are a cohesive team. Some of the women are proud they didn’t cave in to sleep at the guy’s camp, but they have no shame in using their fire. Hairless Matt is not amused to find boobs in his camp.


The reward challenge is a battle of the minds. Jeff Probst explains the rules…he’ll place several items in a row and the teams, head-to-head, will have to recreate the sequence from memory. What’s in it for the winners? A full-fledged fishing kit, complete with a canoe. Who needs that? As the Manono have two extra players, Lief and Tarzan will sit out this game. Sabrina and Hairless Matt are first up, with Sabrina correctly organizing her items. Colton and Monica are next, and it’s two to nothing for the ladies. The men seem to be quick to finish (zing!), but they can’t seem to get the patterns right. Alicia beats Model Jay. The number of items increases for Troyzan and Kat. Jeff calls the men pathetic. Neither gets it correct. And again, they both are tied for having the worst memories. On the seventh round between the two, Kat finally succeeds. Bill struggles to keep the men in the challenge against Christina, but he fails.

It’s rainy and cold, but at least the women have their boat. Unfortunately, what they don’t have, is shelter or fire. They go begging the men for an ember, and the men counter with wanting to take out the boat. Monica doesn’t feel like she can make that decision without the consensus of her tribe, and the men give in. The women now have fire. The men find their suffering pretty funny. Colton, being a Republican, doesn’t believe in handouts, so the women need to start contributing. Alicia and Chelsea head to Manono to warm up as the Salani fire isn’t burning as well. Bill and Jonas are appalled when Alicia puts the kibosh on the boat. Chelsea and Alicia go back to tell the women about the men’s demands. Chelsea is so cold, she’s willing to give them the boat, the fishing equipment, her first-born, and a winning powerball ticket. Man up, girls! Oh wait…

The weather is beautiful the following day, so the ladies take out the canoe in an attempt to spear fish. Catching their dinner gives the women a renewed–or is a new?–sense of confidence. At the immunity challenge, the men surrender the idol. The obstacle course consists of one tribe mate–“the caller”– leading blindfolded pairs through an insane sequence of events. After going through the obstacle course, each pair will release the water and a bag of puzzle pieces from a water tower. Once all five pairs have completed the course and retrieved their five bags, the caller must put the puzzle together. Model Jay and Colton sit out for the dudes, and Sabrina and Bill call for their tribes.

This is a major cluster. Sabrina isn’t the best caller. She may be the worst. The men have their fourth bag when the women get their first. Wow. This is hilarious. The women get their third bag as the men get their final bag of puzzle pieces. Caller Bill moves down to empty the puzzle pieces. The women are still trying to navigate the obstacle course for two more bags. Bill is calm, cool, and collected as he tries to put together the puzzle. The women hustle with–finally–their fifth bag. Jeff recognizes the men’s big advantage. Sabrina, the caller for the women, is finally able to start on the puzzle. The men are in the lead, but Sabrina is bridging the gap. It’s a tie ballgame. It’s neck and neck, and the Salani are able to edge out the Manono for immunity.

It’s a game changer for sure. Hairless Matt is looking forward to executing one of his tribe mates. #mattislordoftheflies I swear I don’t even see him on the show if he’s not doing his individual interview. Are we sure he’s playing? The women are overjoyed with their victory. The men are pissed that they gave up an ember…perhaps if the women hadn’t been warm last night they would have easily been defeated. Colton is thrilled to vote someone from his tribe off the island. There are so many to pick from, who is the boy to choose? Colton tries to get his alliance on board with voting off Bill. Half of the alliance wants to see Hairless Matt leave. It’s a conundrum. Model Jay approaches the crew and finds out he’s not on the chopping block. He joins the alliance so as not to become the next to leave. Hairless Matt approaches and the men basically tell him they are trying to figure out whether or not to vote him out of the game.

Hairless Matt approaches Troyzan to form a mini-alliance. Matt doesn’t want all the “average Joes” to vote off the “muscle.” Troyzan thinks it’s funny that Matt calls his guys the “roosters,” meanwhile, the average men are the “chickens.” Troyzan listens to Matt intently before walking off and stating that it’s not Survivor if you’re not lying to somebody. Hopefully, it is farewell to arrogant Hairless Matt.

At tribal council, the men convene to talk about the tribe’s dynamics. Tarzan trusts his alliance, and the “muscle” team is annoyed to find out that Colton plans to play the idol given to him by the Salani. Jeff thinks that Colton has just targeted himself by aligning with the women. Jeff is quick to call out the muscle for hating on Colton for being gay. Tarzan defends Colton, saying he’s an asset because he’s smart, savvy, and he’s got an edge on the Salani. Matt’s arrogance is front and center in the men’s argument. Bill goes into a Ritalin-induced poetry slam about his time in the game and the uncertainties which define the show.

Before Jeff reads the votes, Colton neglects to play his idol. Matt seems to be the guy getting the votes. His hairless chest is heaving as he’s voted off the island. How will he ever face his douchey friends and lawyer buddies? Tarzan asks Jeff to tell the remaining votes. Jeff shuts him down and send the men back to the beach.

Next week, the Manono is off kilter, with Colton serving as boss. Who would have thought?