Last night’s Mob Wives featured a getaway that I was forever thankful not be a part of, as it was cray-cray from the beginning. Renee brought the drama, Carla tried to play peacemaker, and even Karen attempted to maintain some sort of normalcy. She failed. Miserably.

The episode begins with Big Ang, Ramona, and Carla at the track. Big Ang loves some gambling. Karen joins the ladies for lunch, with Carla apologizing for not attending Ramona’s Halloween party. While Karen is convinced that Drita’s party totally sucked, she respects Carla’s loyalty. She suggests a ladies’ weekend in the Poconos, and all the women are excited about the prospect of a trip. Unfortunately for Big Ang, she’s having thyroid surgery and won’t be able to make it. Carla pretty much ends the chipper chatter when she mentions the ladies are forgetting to include Drita.


Renee is trying to take full advantage of her time with Junior before he heads back to the clink. Renee and AJ celebrate Junior’s birthday with a special breakfast. However, Renee can’t help but ask Junior about the text messages he’s been receiving all morning. He reads the several well-wishes from ex-con friends, but Renee isn’t convinced that he hasn’t heard from his ex-girlfriend, Crusty Crotch. I bet she got made fun of A LOT growing up with that name. 🙂 Junior seems to really like the watch Renee gives him, but he doesn’t ooh and ahh enough for Renee’s taste, so the celebration comes to a halt.

Drita and Carla go on a walk and discuss Drita’s Halloween party. Drita wishes that everyone could just get along, but she’s sick of talking about Karen, and she hates the examples the women are setting for their daughters’ with this behavior. Carla tells Drita about the trip to the Poconos. It doesn’t sound much like a vacation to Drita! She wishes Carla luck with Karen, but she sincerely seems to want Carla to make her own choices and be friends with whomever she wants. It’s very adult of her. The ladies call Renee, who is in desperate need of a getaway, although, she is upset that Drita will not be attending.

The ladies arrive at their cabin, and it’s a cross between the Bates Motel and Crystal Lake. Carla is excited to be in nature. She finds the house to be charming. Ramona is bringing in seventeen pieces of Louis Vuitton luggage, and Renee can’t stop yelling about how she hates the woods and is terrified of ax murders. Not to mention, what will she do with all of her furs?

Drita goes to visit Big Ang at the bar. She reveals that she wishes things could be cool between her and Karen, but she couldn’t care less about playing nice with Ramona. Drita thinks that Ramona has so much hatred for her, she can’t believe how much Drita-hate must occupy Ramona’s mind. Big Ang is thrilled to hear that Drita wants to start anger management.

Back in the woods, the women go horseback riding. Remind me never to ride horses with Renee. Carla is thrilled to see Renee enjoying herself. Oh, is that what all Renee’s screaming was about? Renee approaches Carla about the rumors that Drita told her, regarding Junior. Supposeably Supposedly, Ramona was telling people Junior only married Renee to get in good with her father. Carla backs up Drita, saying she can’t imagine her making up such a statement. Renee wants to approach Ramona, but Carla implores her not to turn their weekend into a war.

Drita has her first appointment with a therapist to address her anger management issues. She recounts a time in high school when she saw some guys bullying a boy in a wheelchair and proceeded to kick their a$$es. Even discussing the situation, she gets heated and begins to cry. Drita believes that her upbringing instilled in her a need to stick up for herself. She grew up in the projects, while the other women grew up wealthy and protected because of who their families are. Drita certainly hopes the doctor understands the type of people she deals with, and she wonders if she’ll be able to walk away from fights in the future.

At the cabin, Renee is guzzling devil water vodka and not taking her meds. Good times! You can see the other three women catch each others’ eyes in a collective “uh oh.” Renee goes on a massive rant about Junior’s leathery ex. Carla tries to calm her by saying that she’s devoting too much time to thinking about such a trashy person. Ramona is quick to say Junior is the one who should be telling her to stay away, not Renee. Bad idea. Karen wants them to end this discussion. Sure, like that will happen!

Karen tells Renee that while she likes and respects Junior, the two seem toxic together. Ramona can’t wrap her head around Renee’s yelling about how she was raised knowing that men cheat. Karen tries to explain that cheating is part of the lifestyle. You can practically read Ramona’s mind, “Not part of MY lifestyle.” All Renee wants is a faithful man, and all Carla wanted was a calm weekend with the ladies. Good luck with both! Carla is able to defuse the situation and distract Renee into playing a card game.

After a quip about household square footage, Renee thinks it’s the perfect time to bring up the rumors she heard Ramona has been spreading. Ramona gets loud talking about Drita and starts throwing stuff. Karen tries to stop a “Drita-weekend” and Renee has Junior on the phone screaming at the top of her lungs, making Ramona swear on her four kids that she never said it. Renee now knows, after the swearing on the children, that Ramona is her ride-and-die bff. Carla is trying to defend Drita, as she’s not here to defend herself. Renee now hates Drita. Ramona swears she will stab and skin Drita. Even Karen thinks that this situation is a mess. Carla is so confused as Renee tells her that this is “all about her family.” As things escalate, Karen seems pretty thrilled to see that Renee has quickly turned on Drita. Carla thinks Renee is nothing more than a puppet. Poor, poor Carla. Yet, the women end up laughing and playing cards. #twilightzone

The next morning, Karen cooks for the crew. Renee tells Carla that she wants a Drita-free conflict day. Renee totes believes Ramona over Drita…because Ramona said she didn’t say it. Renee finds it hilarious that the other women can bust each others’ faces, yet they can’t bait their own hooks on a fishing trip. The women call Big Ang and then head out to catch their dinner/make fools of themselves. May I note, Ramona is fishing in a fur vest.

That evening, the women hit up the Poconos hotspot, Shenanigans. Karen appears very normal, and wishes the old Renee would make an appearance…not this crazy, all over the place, screaming woman who is present on the trip. At Shenanigans, the women are hit on by locals and intrigued by the karaoke and the anti-Staten Island scene. Renee is not feeling the local vibe. She isn’t happy that Karen is flirting with the guys at the bar. The other ladies think this local is hilarious, until Renee gets off her stool. Ramona is over the drama…and the poor patron is asked to leave by Shenanigans security. Carla is the only one who stays seated during the hilarious, scream-filled debacle. Renee storms out of the club hoping that Junior will pick her up from the Poconos.

Next week, the ladies go shooting. Probably not the best idea. Carla’s husband is free and clear of the halfway house. Big Ang and Drita spray tan, and Carla fills in her biffle about cabin time. Renee and Ramona are out for Drita. Really?


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