Last night’s Mob Wives Chicago solidified my theory of VH1 shows.  From here on out, we’ll have a violent show, then a lovey-dovey episode, then more hair-pulling smack downs.  Such is life, right y’all?

Renee Fecarotta Russo is meeting Nora Schweihs and her friend Julie for lunch.  Renee isn’t chomping at the bit to hang with Nora, but she’s willing to put on a happy face since Julie is in town.  Nora is clearly still miffed about Renee flaking out early at her father’s memorial luncheon.  Nora goes into a diatribe about what a loyal friend Julie has been to her.  Renee wishes that Nora would stop being so passive aggressive and calls Nora a “moron.”  Nora reveals that she’s angry at Renee for being late to brunch, and Renee comes at her with guns blazing.  Renee loves to rock a fedora, doesn’t she?  She can’t believe that Nora is keeping a tally on who was there for what.  The conversation–and the lunch–is donezo.


Christina Scoleri and Leah Disimone grab cocktails.  The women discuss their meeting with Nora and Pia Rizza.  While they are glad that there is no more tension, per se, Leah still doesn’t trust Nora as far as she can throw her.  Christine is bothered that she and Pia didn’t discuss their issues.  She’s happy that they’ve mended fences, but she’d like to talk things out with her former friend.

Pia picks up her fifteen-year-old daughter Bella from school.  The pair go for lunch, and Bella reveals to her mom that she’ll need some money for a weekend shopping spree.  Pia admits to her daughter that she wants to get her boobs redone.  She wants to know if it bothers Bella that she wants a bigger chest.  Pia needs to keep up with the younger strippers on the block to keep the paychecks coming.  Her daughter isn’t too thrilled with this news.

Renee and her friend Chrisy meet for lunch so Renee can rehash the drama that’s been happening between her and Nora.  Chrisy has never been a fan of Nora.  Renee is sporting her fedora again.  I wish that Nora was the hat-lover so I could call it a FedNora.  Oh well.  Renee, if you start schilling these hats, I’d like a cut.  Thanks.  Chrisy reminds Renee of all the money and clothes she lent Nora when times were tough.  Renee agrees…she needs to get things straight with FedNora Nora.

Pia and Nora are taking their dogs to be groomed.  I guess there is only so much lunching and cocktailing mob relatives can do. I don’t see either of these women becoming dog groomers as an additional business.  Nora gets a very angry and expletive laden voicemail from Renee.  Wow.  This chick is c-to-the-cra-zazy.  In a different text message, Renee calls Nora an “ungrateful drunk” and demands that she return all her clothes.  Pia isn’t surprised at all.  She can’t stand Renee.

Christina meets Leah and her father Wolf for dinner.  According to VH1, Wolf is “retired” from the mob.  Did he have a good 401K?  I didn’t realize that you could retire from the mob, much less that it had a kickin’ retirement plan.  Christina reveals to Wolf that she’s scared to tell her father that she’s getting a divorce.  Her parents are old school and they don’t believe in divorce.  Wolf hopes that Christina can have an open relationship with her father like Leah has with him.  Leah jokes with her dad that their conversations weren’t all that open…she didn’t tell him when she started having sex.  She did, however, make him buy her pads when it was her time of the month.  Thank you VH1, thank you.

Nora takes a suitcase of Renee’s clothes to her house.  She’s hoping to “Stop the Violence.”  Thanks for making your miff with Renee into something that needs a slogan.  Nora also shells out the cash that Renee claims she borrowed in the past.  Renee invites Nora in so that she can go off on her about all the other things about Nora that get on her nerves.  When she starts cussing out Renee, she gets offended when Nora gets up to leave.  As far as Nora is concerned, Renee has her clothes and cash, so case closed.  Renee questions whether Nora is sober.  The two get into a swearing match about how Nora’s father would be disgusted by her and how Renee’s daughter should live with her dad.  Renee can’t believe Nora would say such a thing, and she can’t wait to jump Nora when she least expects it.

Christina wants to clear the air with Pia, so the pair meet for dinner.  They both have a lot to say to one another.  Christina wants to share with Pia all the things she said behind her friend’s back so that Pia doesn’t hear it from someone else.  She also wonders why Pia can be such good friends with Nora knowing that Nora has talked so much smack behind her back.  Pia admits that she feels sorry for Nora.  The women agree to bury the hatchet, and they solidify their rekindled friendship with a hug.

Renee goes through Nora’s suitcase, but there are a lot of pieces missing.  Renee is probably thrilled to see the fedora that sits atop the suitcase.  She places all the clothing, sans fedora, into the trashcan.  Can you believe that Nora didn’t even leave enough cash to cover all she’d borrowed from Renee in the past?  For shame!  Renee isn’t Chase Bank, you know!  Renee’s boyfriend Dave comes home and gets to hear all about their fight.  She can’t believe that Dave doesn’t have more of a reaction to her telling him that Nora wants her to lose her daughter.  Maybe she was in a bad mood?  Oh Dave, of all the things not to say in response to that statement!

Christina visits her father.  The two smoke cigars while Christina gains the courage to tell her dad about her divorce.  She breaks the news, and her dad gets a full-on facial twitch.  He wishes Christina had never told him this news.  She’s confused…it’s alright to be a felon, but it’s not alright to get divorced?  Her father totally shuts her down after learning this news.  Christina leaves her father proud that she was able to inform him of this situation.  One down, one to go…she just needs to tell her daughter now.

Nora and Pia hit the gym, and Nora fills in Pia about her encounter with Renee.  Pia is convinced that Renee is a whack job.  First, Renee accuses Pia of sleeping with Dave, and now she’s calling Nora and alcoholic?  A few days later, Pia goes into surgery to get some new breasts.  She needs perkier boobs for her job at the “gentlemen’s club.”  Plus, they are a tax write-off, so no harm, no foul, right?

Renee meets with Leah to tell her all about her Nora drama.  She tells Leah all about Nora telling Renee that she hopes Renee loses her daughter in the custody battle.  I have to say that Renee’s version of events to Leah isn’t really how things happened.  I mean, Renee totally left out her screaming and finger pointing.  Leah isn’t taking sides, although she doesn’t trust Nora to save her life.  I think that Leah is just tuned in to Renee’s version of crazy.  She’s a smart cookie too, given that the two just met on the last episode.

Pia is recovering from her enhancements.  Nora comes by to visit.  They discuss how Nora should deal with Renee.  Nora is hurt and confused…she doesn’t want to terminate the forty year friendship she’s had with Renee.  Against Pia’s better judgment, Nora wants to give Renee the benefit of the doubt.  She wants to find out why her friend has gone off the deep end.  Nora calls Renee and asks to meet up so they can squash their issues.

Renee is willing to meet with Nora, but she is in no way willing to forget that Nora said she should lose her daughter.  The duo meets for lunch, and I’m glad to see that VH1 has had the forethought to clear all the patrons from the restaurant.  Nora talks about her hurt feelings regarding memorial brunch ’12.  Renee refuses to engage…she’s just letting Nora talk and smirking the entire time.  Nora apologizes for her “I hope you lose your daughter statement” and Renee takes that opportunity to go off on Nora.  She is all pointing and cussing, and Nora decides she’s going to grab said pointing finger.  Renee threatens Nora that she’ll be drinking out of a straw, once she’s done with her.  Nora throws the glasses off the table.  Total rookie mistake…Nora clearly doesn’t watch VH1.  If you’re going to pseudo threaten your counterpart, you either get physical or do nothing.  You don’t push around glassware.  Renee is ready to beat some a$$, while Nora is clearly just trying to appear brazen.  Guess who is thrown over a bar stool while chunks of their hair are yanked out?  Here’s a hint–it’s not Renee.

Next week, Renee is upset that her oldest daughter has been in contact with her incarcerated father.  Renee fills in Christina about her tiff with Nora, and Pia wants Nora to stop being so concerned with her former friend Renee.