Jersey Shore Recap: Dr. Vin…Medicine (Wo)Man?

It's still sad to see Seaside Heights in all of its glory, and our thoughts and prayers are still with the victims of Hurricane Sandy.  Of course, our cringing and laughs are still with last night's episode of Jersey Shore.  One half of the meatball brigade continued her messy behavior while a newly sober roommate learned some "shocking" things about his new girlfriend. 

Deena Cortese is crying and yelling at Ronnie Ortiz-Magro.  It's awkward.  He wants to know how he can help her get through her major issues.  DJ "Pauly D" Delvecchio believes that Deena will be a new person in the morning…once she's sober.  You have to be worried about our future when Pauly D is the voice of reason.  Vinny Guadagnino thinks that Deena is suffering from anxiety, and he's an expert on the subject.   Deena is hyperventilating, and Vinny is trying to teach her how to cope.  Inside, Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola is chastising Rawn for being too hard on Deena even she's losing patience with the roommate herself.  Rawn and Jenni "JWoww" Farley think that Deena's parents coddle their daughter too much.  Vinny is concerned that Deena is drinking through her issues.

Ronnie calls Deena's mom and learns that her parents are on the way to pick up their daughter.  He explains to her parents that Deena is just wasted.  She doesn't need to go home, she needs to sleep off her alcohol binge.  The housemates are happy that Vinny was able to talk some sense into Deena, and she's much less angry when she rejoins everyone in the den. 


The majority of the house heads to Karma as Deena's parents arrive.  They have brought her a chicken Caesar wrap and a cheesecake for her housemates.  Her mother is concerned with her drinking tendencies.  Why can't her daughter just drink at night like normal alcoholics?  Deena assures her parents that she isn't hitting the bottle due to depression…she just likes to have a good time.  Can you blame her?  Deena's mother urges her to see a therapist, and wonders why she can't have a meatball day without drinking.  Um, because that's like having an all-you-can eat barbeque with no pork.  Duh.

At Karma, the guys are getting wild, and the newly coupled Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino is hitting on anything that will move.  His housemates who adore Paula are not on board.  Rawn has nicknamed him "Sneaky Dickens."  If I was recapping any other show than Jersey Shore, I'd assume it was an ironic nod to Dickens' A Christmas Carol, but we all know that can't be the case.  Don't be silly–Ronnie doesn't read.  Mike isn't taking kindly to Jenni's watchful eye, but she may need to be more worried about Vinny breaking his vow of celibacy.  He and Pauly take some boobs girls home, and Mike is proud that he was able to be loyal to Paula.  Poor Vinny, on the other hand, brought home a girl who seemed totally DTF.  While Vinny is just DTMO (down to make out), he's worried when the girl who was hanging all over him earlier won't give him the time of day in his twin bed.  Weird. 


The following morning, the girls leave, and the guys head to a meat market.  Literally.  The dudes are putting on the best Sunday dinner in the series history.  My mouth is watering just looking at that macaroni salad.  The meatballs are (not shockingly) awesome at making jokes pertaining to hotdogs and meat.  The roommates explain to Mike that he shouldn't be flirting with girls now that he's locked in Paula to go steady.   Deena apologizes to her roommates about her tantrum the night before.  Sammi accepts her apology but shares her frustrations with Deena's craziness.  Obviously, Deena takes offense to Sammi's honesty.

The housemates head to bed, and Sam and Deena face off in the kitchen.  Sammi thinks that Deena is too involved in her relationship.  Deena doesn't even want to entertain thought.  Sam is trying to help her friend while subtly sharing that Deena can be a tad bit selfish.  Not surprisingly, Deena isn't keen on hearing any sort of fault on her part.  The following morning, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, Sam, and Jenni head to work at the Shore Store.  The ladies are late, and Jenni takes total blame.  Danny teases the girls unmercifully.  Jenni makes a deal with Danny to sell some shot glasses in hopes of getting off early from work.  She scores. 

Deena and Sitch make plans for a boardwalk evening, and he dials up Paula for a double date.  She's on board.  Anyone surprised?  A pregnant Snooki is wise enough to see an unlocked fair machine on the boardwalk, and she opens it and walks away with a stuffed cheetah.  JWoww hopes Snooki won't have to serve any jail time while she's pregnant.  Deena questions Chris as to whether she's smothering him.  He's iffy but appeases her.  Paula arrives, and she and Mike head out on a double date with Deena and Chris.  The always polite Mike is taken aback by his new girlfriend's potty mouth.  He thought he was "makin' it official" with a ladylike lady.  Mike questions Chris as to whether Paula's craziness will soon subside.  Smoking outside, Deena and Paula are talking the exact opposite.  This should last!  When the crowd head to ride rides on the boardwalk, Mike is mortified to see Paula giving the "shocker" hand sign.  He wants a lady.  Well, guess what?  She wants a stud.  Let's call it even.


Back at home, the new couple meets up with Mike's roommates.  Rawn plans on staying in while the rest of the roommates get ready to hit the clerbs.  Mike believes that Paula is too unfiltered around his friends.  I'll spare you the "shocker" conversation.  When Mike calls out Paula for her raunchy talk, she's less than thrilled.  In the random quick clip, Mike Daniel-Sans the house's boxing dummy.  Back in the house, Mike is chastising Paula for her behavior while his roommates cringe.  Sam wants to hit him with a pocketbook.  Jenni thinks he needs to thank his lucky stars for finding a girl like Paula.  Snooki thinks he's just really bad at relationships.  While Mike continues to screw up his relationship with Paula by trying to MVP, she maintains her cool with the girls.  Meanwhile, Deena auditions a senior citizen to be a meatball by forcing her to do the Jersey turnpike.  I just threw up in my mouth a little.  The gang heads back to the house where Mike continues to be a jackhole and Paula admits to wearing butt implants.  Who ARE these people?  Paula gets bleeped a lot and Ronnie is proud of her nasty mouth.  Mike isn't impressed.  He totally shouldn't have made that t-shirt.

Next week, Mike is still reeling from Paula's potty mouth, while Snooki starts making her wedding guest list.  Here's some gossip…Mike's not invited!


[Photo Credit: MTV]