Dance Moms Recap: No One Is Safe

dance moms

I'll be honest, I don't know if I'm emotionally prepared for this premiere…or the season for that matter.  Of course, I can't wait…especially when we get to see a glimpse into Abby Lee Miller's love life.  There seemed to be a lot scripted, but it was still flipping amazing. 

The third season of Dance Moms starts with the girls and moms reunite in the parking lot after a long break during the competition season.  Noticeably absent are Kelly, Paige, and BrookeAbby is beyond pissed at Kelly for breaking up the team, but she's equally as upset with the other girls for not consistently coming to practice during their break…news she just found out having spent her break in L.A. filming her spin-off competition show.  She immediately tosses the pyramid head shots in the trash because none of them belong on the top, and the girls become teary when Abby announces that she's holding an audition to replace Brooke and Paige before the group heads to a competition in Denver. 

The girls are rehearsing their group number, Angels and Demons…except now it's just Angel Singular and Demons because that's what happens when people are quitters.  Is it just me or when Abby describes the characters in her choreography do you think she's envisioning herself as the victim or protagonist?  "This dance is about an angel who is strong, but she has all of these horrible awful bleached blonde crazies with acrylic nails demons trying to tear her apart."  Give me a break!  In the viewing room, Jill is hoping that she can get the other moms onboard with calling for a reinstatement of the pyramid.  She hates Abby trashed it without giving her daughter any opportunity to be at the top.


Still reeling about Paige's desertion, Abby snidely tells the girls that she hopes to find someone ten times better than Paige to place in the group.  She sounds like one of the Plastics in Mean Girls.  However, the next day Abby is overwhelmed by the massive amount of talent that has shown up for her open audition.  She will certainly have her pick of replacements.  Meanwhile the viewing room is packed, and there's Leslie again (sigh).  She's accused of stranding some dancer in L.A. by an unknown dance mom.  Leslie answers to no one, and she's clearly trying to create drama to get more screen time.

Holly, along with some of the other mothers are also blown away by the competition, and she begins to worry as to whether Abby might considering replacing more than just Kelly's missing girls.  Abby narrows down her finalists, and is very dramatic about the big decision she has in front of her.  Melissa is worried because all of the finalists are so tall.  If they aren't featured in the group numbers, the height difference will look odd.  Of course, if a new girl is featured, that means that Maddie isn't. 

At home, Kelly asks her girls if they want to return to dance.  Brooke isn't sure what she wants to do, while Paige would like to dance…as long as she has extra time to pursue her modeling.  Kelly explains that it's a catch-22.  Competing in L.A. gave both her girls the opportunity to try other things, but ultimately, Abby is going to make them commit to just dance.  When Brooke asks her mom how she feels, she adamantly denies wanting to return to the studio. 

Kendall is granted the first solo, and Abby hopes that studio-hopping Jill has finally learned her lesson about playing nice…with her, not the other moms.  When pressed about the new talent, Abby refuses to share any information except that she would certainly consider giving one of the new dancers a solo in Denver over one of the original troupe.  Rehearsing with Kendall, Abby is screaming that there are a thousand better dancers than her which sends Kendall into tears.  Abby is appalled when Kendall runs off to be comforted by her mother.  After all, she's nine!  She should be way past that behavior.  Has she gotten worse this season?  Holly takes the words right out of my mouth, reminding the other mothers that this season's Abby has an inflated ego due to her new fame. 

As if on cue, Abby brings in two new girls, and it's clear how much she loves holding their fate in her hands.  Instead of replacing both of Kelly's girls, Abby has decided to add just one more dancer.  Thirteen-year-old Ally is the lucky pick.

Times are hard for the Candy Apples.  Since L.A., Cathy has had a hard time keeping the group together.  Justice has jumped ship.  Cathy baby talks to Vivi-Anne about the prospect of finding a whole new team…one that wouldn't include Vivi.  Cathy's daughter doesn't seems to care and, after some coaxing, gives her mother her blessing to start an all boys dance troupe.

Back at Abby's studio, Abby is working with Ally on the group dance.  She informs the girl that she will be replacing Chloe as the featured dancer, so Ally should be prepared to feel the wrath of Christi.  While she's probably right, why does Abby feel the need to stir the pot between the moms and these poor girls?  Ally's mom Shelly seems very quiet.  She is terribly intimidated by the veteran moms, and so far she's only met Holly and Melissa, who, let's face it, are the nicest.  Ally feels horrible to be taking Chloe's part in the dance, and the moms pepper Shelly with questions as to what Abby is teaching Ally.  Is it a solo?  Poor Shelly looks like she wants to melt into the wall.  Christi is going to eat her alive. 

Holly recognizes Ally's choreography, and she and Melissa talk passive aggressively about how upset Christi is going to be.  Shelly wisely exits without making waves.  It's sad that Christi can't be less catty, but it's also horrible to put Ally and Shelly into such an awkward position for the sole purpose of punishing Chloe.  Shelly meekly apologizes for stepping on any toes.  We learn that Shelly and Ally have traveled from New Orleans.  At least Chloe has a solo this week.  Maddie is also granted a solo, but she's warned that any tears will cause her dance to be pulled.  MacKenzie will also get to dance alone, and Abby compliments the young girl from improving so much from the dumb little girl she used to be.  That's pretty much a direct quote. 

Abby threatens the group that if they can't perfectly rehearse their Angel and Demons number, she's pulling the demons and making it a solo for Ally.  If that happens, Nia won't be dancing at all in the competition.  Shelly is beside herself that Ally could potentially cause Nia not to dance.  Abby can clearly see that Shelly is teetering on being too nice, so she takes her out to lunch.  Shelly thinks she'll be able to hold her own with the moms, but Abby gives her some pretty solid advice on how to handle them. 

Arriving in Denver, Abby gives her version of a pep talk, and Holly wonders if she and Nia traveled all the way to Denver for nothing.  The women are missing Kelly, and no one is being warm and fuzzy towards Shelly.  She tries to make amends with the other ladies, and Christi tells her the best way to fit in will be to tell Abby she needs to do the group dance.  Shelly doesn't want to question Abby, and when she leaves the room, the women rip her to shreds.  Shelly kindly asks Abby to throw her a bone and keep Angel and Demons a group number.  Abby reveals she never had any intention of making it a solo…she's just trying to keep the moms in check. 

Finally, after an hour of waiting, we get to see the dancing!  Maddie is super proud of her performance, as she should be.  Christi gives a very touching pep talk to calm Chloe's nerves.  Her solo is close flawless, although she admits afterwards that she missed a turn but improvised.  Abby admits that while Chloe's improvisation was seemless, it's that kind of forgetfulness that will get her fired in a professional setting.  Chloe is definitely the new Paige.

Whoa, Lifetime!  Mixing in a little romance this season?  We interrupt this dance competition to bring you a handsome high school classmate of Abby's!  And, to add in a little bit of drama, he's the guy that Kelly has always claimed to steal from Abby back in the day.  Right off the back, Abby asks him about Kelly, and he pretends not to remember her.  He isn't the best actor.  The women think it's hilarious how Abby behaved around him…and she totally did suck in her stomach. 

Kendall does well with her solo, but it wasn't my favorite dance.  Even Jill doens't think it was her daughter's best.  After some scolding of Holly, Abby tells her that Nia will be in the group dance.  Ally is freaking out about the amount of pressure being put on her by Abby.  The group dance is amazing.  I'm with Christi though, I couldn't take my eyes off of the demons. 

Abby makes some last minute changes to MacKenzie's solo and then berates her about her inability to remember choreography.  MacKenzie's dance is spunky and cute, but the poor child loses her bow during some tumbling.  She gets a bit distracted, but she keeps dancing her little heart out.  Maddie is waiting in the wings to console her sister.  Luckily for MacKenzie, Abby moreso blames Melissa for not sewing the bow into her daughter's hair.  It doesn't matter, as MacKenzie takes the spot in the mini-solo division.  In the junior category, both Kendall and Jill are disappointed when Kendall places fifth.  Chloe takes the second spot while Maddie places first.  The group number also places first, but the girls miss not having Brooke and Paige with them to celebrate their victory. 

Back in the staging area, Abby's speech turns into a raging, swearing speech about how horribly lazy Brooke and Paige were.  Christi challenges her, but Abby can't be bothered as she has a date.  It's a good thing for her date that Abby lost her voice doing all that screaming.

This season, the craziness is amped up to the millionth degree.  The girls are crying, new additions join the studio, and Abby appears to call the cops on Christi after Christi appears to assault a camera man.  This is going to be good, y'all!


[Photo Credit: Lifetime]