Dance Moms Recap: Preheated Pre-Premiere!


It's a Dance Mom's extravaganza!  Lifetime knows a good thing when it pas de bourées in the ratings, and the network is going to milk this cash cow for all it's worth.  You know what that means?  It means that last night you were treated to two and half hours of Abby Lee Miller and the drama mamas.  It felt like Christmas all over again, didn't it?

In the hour leading up to the season three premiere, Jeff Collins returned to lead yet another reunion type show, only this time the ladies would be highlighting the upcoming drama instead of rehashing the past.  Let's see how this works.  Abby is wearing a lot of sequins and bling and spray tan.  Taking a few questions from the studio audience, she reveals that she has a special man in her life, and the mothers are the most selfish people on the planet.  Okey, dokey.  Poor Jeff looks one Ambien shy of hibernation, but luckily the stage setting mirrors (literally!) Abby's outfit, so all the twinkling should keep him awake at least until the premiere begins.  He is going to bring out the moms to have some one-on-one time with Abby and the audience.

Holly is the first to untangle her way through the sequined streamers, and she is wearing a tomato red number that seems to combine the finest vinyl with raw silk.  Abby immediately comments about it under her breath to Jeff.  Holly often gets on Abby's nerves, what with her professional demeanor and her need to analyze things.   Holly takes one audience member's question, and responds with a non-answer before making a swift exit.


Christi is next in the hot seat after Abby disparages both her and Kelly's mothering skills.  Christi bashes Abby's perception of reality, and the women duke it out over who makes the most money off the girls' meet-and-greets.  Security?  Abby?  Christi's hair stylist?  We'll never know because we're interrupted by a fan who wants to know Christi has blocked Abby from her Twitter.  Is that a rhetorical question?  We learn that Abby may hate Christi's husband more than she hates Christi.  Abby is doing a good job of yelling over all of the mothers.

Kelly joins the two ladies on stage and her thirty year history with Abby is rehashed.  Abby believes Kelly was a beautiful dancer who wasted her potential, and she hates to see her instilling that same "laziness" into her own super-talented daughters…you know, the ones she chose to have instead of maybe a short-lived dance career.  Kelly chooses to let her girls govern how serious they want to be, as she sees time at the studio as an "extra curricular activity."  Abby finds this incredibly selfish on Kelly's part, but she admits that she still has a close relationship with Brooke.  Speaking of relationships, former best frenemies Christi and Kelly are apparently on the outs because Christi and Melissa started a jewelry line together.  I thought they hated each other!  Kelly is feeling left out of their new venture.

"Living on the dance floor!" is going to drive me insane.  Once the ladies retreat to the green room, Abby accuses Chloe of regressing because her mother has her doing so many meet-and-greets and jewelry promotions.  Christi is crying backstage as Chloe performs her national title winning solo.  That's what Abby considers to be regressing talent?  She is delusional!  After Chloe's stunning performance, Abby reveals that while Maddie is total star material, Melissa is now the perfect dance mom.  She puts her new buddies before her daughters.  It looks like Melissa and Abby's relationship has taken some major blows.  Melissa plays coy as to whether the show will air her upcoming wedding, and Abby remarks that it will be one drunk reception regardless.  Precious Mia performs!  I am enjoying these drama free breaks!

Abby discusses Jill and Kendall, stating that Kendall is the only dancer improving while the other girls are stifling.  Jill wants to be Abby's pet, and she's working overtime to make sure that happens.  Jill is also wearing a tomato red satin tuxedo.  Who is dressing these ladies?  While in the hot seat, Jill confesses to getting Botox and fillers…and she claims the other moms have done the stage.  Backstage, Holly looks mortified by this statement! 

Kathy joins the women, and the Candy Apple craziness ensues!  In the green room, Kelly expresses her hatred for that b*tch Kathy.  I think she's serious!  Kathy is planning to beat Abby's girls this season, and Abby acknowledges that she may be able to given that all of her dancers are caught up in meet-and-greets instead of dancing.  It's Maddie's turn to take the stage, and she's phenomenal as usual.  Kathy agrees that Maddie is a natural talent, but she thinks Abby spends too much time bickering with the moms that she misses out on some additionally great talent in her other girls.  Christi can't believe that she's finally going to agree with Kathy about something!  Of course, that ends abruptly when Kathy admits that Christi choked her…after Kathy threw a bottle of water on her.  I don't think that Kathy is going anywhere.  Jeff seems to like the spunk she brings.  Adorable McKenzie performs her acrobatics-filled daisy dance.

The troupe performs their powerful and disturbing "Last Text" dance.  As the premiere looms, Kelly cries that Paige gets the brunt of Abby's disdain.  It kills her to see her daughter crave so much of Abby's approval and not get it just because Abby dislikes Kelly.  Abby even seems to show a bit of emotion, and on that note, let's bring on the premiere!


[Photo Credit: Lifetime]