Oh, it's on!  Last night's two hour Dance Moms finale pitted Apples against Abby Lee Miller in an epic battle of boys versus girls.  There was drama, there were tears, and, of course, there was awesome dancing!

The ALDC is still in New York City for the competition.  Maddie, Asia, Kendall, and Chloe all have solos, and Abby is focusing on those girls as opposed to the group number.  Kelly wants to take Brooke to meet with a music producer while her daughter has some down time.  Abby dismisses Brooke although she thinks it's quite a joke.  Chloe is working on her number "My Obsession."  Is she obsessed with winning?  Dancing?  What?  Poor Chloe.  The original Christi chastises Kristie 2.0 for not being more fired up about Asia being pulled from The View performance.  Kristie claims that she and her daughter looked at The View number as any other audition.  No big deal.  That irks the other mothers to no end.

Kelly and Brooke are meeting with a music producer who is excited about the fact that Brooke's last single garnered 25,000+ downloads on iTunes.  He decides to introduce her to a former Pussycat Doll.  Emphasis on "former" or else she wouldn't be hanging out on the finale of Dance Moms.  She gives Brooke some guidance on breathing as if you really have to pee.  Is this how voice lessons work?


Back at the studio, Asia practices, and the mothers wonder if Melissa is worried about the competition.  Holly knows that Abby would never pull one of Melissa's daughters from a nationally televised dance.  Melissa admits that MacKenzie doesn't have the attitude on stage that Asia has.  That conversation segues into dissing Kristie 2.0's stage mom style.  While she's not in the room, she can totally hear them talking smack about her.  Is this high school?  Why does she even care if Beyonce is lining up to meet her daughter as the other moms claim?  Jealous much, Dance Moms?

The group number is called "Runaways," and Abby hopes that her choreographic artistry will make the judges think twice about the privileged children who run away from home every year.  The moms are starting to worry about Kathy's boy troupe being a threat.  Kristie 2.0 isn't worried about the novelty of the boy dancers.  The original Christi likes pushing new Kristie's buttons about her daughter's controversial role in the group dance.  Jill jumps on the bandwagon and learns that Kristie doesn't like it when the women claim Asia cries.  She's seven.  She's going to cry, right?  The turmoil is humorous.

Meanwhile, Kathy and Anthony are working with their boys and their new girl second weapon as they perform "Day of the Dead."  One of Kathy's boys gets a text from Brooke (love connection?) about ice skating at Bryant Park.  Kathy and Anthony decide to crash the event.  I hope this guy knows that Brooke isn't going to keep texting him if he shares their exchanges with his dance teacher.  At the rink, Maddie is tears because she doesn't want to skate.  Melissa tells her daughter that she'd better try to have fun, although it's more of a command than a comment.  Kristie 2.0 won't allow Asia to dance for fear she'll get injured.


When Kathy arrives, Kelly decides that the leader of the Candy Apples is an official stalker.  Kathy introduces her newest star, and it's embarrassing to see these grown women using these talented children as pawns.  Thanks goodness this is scripted.  Brooke and Kathy's dancer are having a mild flirtation on the ice, and Maddie was clearly crying because she's terrible at ice skating.  She makes me look like Tara Lipinski, and that's major because I'm terrible on skates.  Poor Vivi-Ann watches from the sidelines.

Everyone survives the excursion without injury, although Abby is prepared to use their outing as an excuse if her girls lose.  Apparently, ice skating is prohibited in the ALDC contract.  Kathy's troupe is practicing as well, and she is not tolerant of limp wristed fists.  I'm having flashbacks of high school cheerleading competitions.  Kathy's secret weapon is great at taking criticism, the ALDC moms…not so much.  Abby has all of the girls do a hundred push-ups as Asia practices her solo.  She's immune from the punishment since she didn't put on skates.  Kristie 2.0 is very high and mighty about the fact that Asia didn't skate, and she and Christi and Jill get into a very middle school screaming match.  Holly tries to mediate to no avail.  There is a lot of "you gonna hit me?" and "don't call me a bitch" and "you don't tell me what to do" going on in the viewing area.  Poor Chloe is mortified.


The (K)Christi(e)s are cooling off, and Kelly laughs with her friend about the craziness of it all.  Kelly and Christi have bigger fish to fry as they are taking their girls to meet with a talent agent.  They are definitely channeling their inner momagers.  The girls are reading for a role, and Chloe and Paige do a great job.  Really Chloe does a great job, but Paige is adorable so I certainly won't critique her acting abilities.  Afterwards, Kelly and Christi decide to take the subway to go bar hopping in Brooklyn.  Jill, Holly, and Melissa join them, but drink for drink, the women are way behind the curve.  Christi wants to talk smack about Kristi, and Jill is on board with that topic.  It's funny how quickly the moms who used to hate each other can bond when a newcomer tries to infiltrate the group!

Anthony is working with Kathy's two top male dancers on their duet, but he's getting very frustrated with Kathy for putting in her two cents.  The two are screaming and pointing fingers.  Anthony can't have Kathy butting into his choreographic genius.  When Anthony gets on Jalen, Jalen's dad also gets in on the fight.  Jalen's dad would make a great dance mom.  Kathy is in tears, and Anthony doesn't understand why everyone is trying to stifle his inner artist.  Jalen is also in tears, but he wants to power through the number.

Kendall's not doing much better than JalenAbby is livid that Kendall is just marking her solo when the other girls are doing their numbers full-out.  Jill questions the other moms as to why Abby is so mean to Kendall, but Holly and Melissa think that Abby is so hard on Kendall because she likes her so much.  When Jill approaches Abby about it, Abby doesn't raise her voice, but she also promises to never have Kendall's name leave her lips again.  Poor Kendall fights back tears.

Vivi-Ann and Jalen are having quite a scripted little flirtatious conversation.  Jalen is quite the amazing actor.  He's memorized his lines so well, I'd never think this wasn't authentic.  They are actually very cute talking about Anthony's temper.  To motivate her dancers, Kathy has planned a backstage tour of Mama Mia.  Man, I love that show.  The kids are thrilled with the opportunity to practice some moves on a Broadway stage.


At the competition, Kathy is a no show because Vivi is sick.  Abby's moms are getting the nitty-gritty on Kathy's new girl VictoriaAnthony is the day's leader of the Candy Apples, although the mothers think Kathy will show up at some point.  Despite their recent differences, Anthony and Jalen's dad bond over their disdain for Abby.  Jalen's dad follows Abby down the hall yelling the entire time as Melissa threatens to kick him in his business.  I'd love to see that!

Asia performs her futuristic jazz solo first, and there is no question she's amazingly talented.  While she's got major attitude during the number, it's less sexually charged than her normal dances.  Given the fact that she's only seven, I prefer her not to look like she's up on the bar at Coyote Ugly.  Maddie is up next, and Asia tells her how great the dance floor is for turning.  I assume this will be foreshadowing to a dramatic mishap, but I should know better.  Maddie is as flawless as always.  Chloe is all arms, legs, and grace, but I don't think her choreography has as much pow as Maddie's.

Back in the staging area, Abby stirs the pot about the moms fighting with Kristie 2.0.  Jill decides to go head to head with Asia (yes, she's fighting with a seven-year-old over tears) before pulling Kendall out of the room after Abby refers to her as a blubbering idiot.  Um, not okay.  Down the hall, Kathy makes her grand entrance to give her boys a pep talk.  Abby reminds the mothers that Kendall needs to get a thicker skin, and Jill needs to stop treating her daughter like a baby.  Jill tries to motivate her broken daughter.  Not surprisingly, her friends are backstage wishing her well.  These moms could certainly learn so much from their daughters.  Kendall's solo goes off without a hitch, and she's certainly mastered those facial expressions.  Abby cites giving Kendall the solo for a reason…because Abby knows she's a contender.


Brooke's little guy friend dances his solo, and he is phenomenal.  He's a male MaddieKathy's boy duet is up next, and Jalen proves yet again that he's quite the break dancer.  It's a very cool number.  In the hallway, Anthony and Christi get into a verbal brawl about prop touching and etiquette.  Kathy's Day of the Dead group number has amazing costumes and make-up, and Victoria is a show stopper.  Abby's runaways perform next, and Kathy and Anthony are loudly talking about Paige's performance.  I think the music (or lack of) makes the piece even more powerful.  Abby asks Paige to stick up to Anthony, and he gives her a laundry list of critiques.  The parents and Anthony start arguing, and Paige is now embarrassed that such a spectacle is revolving around her part in the group dance.  Paige runs out followed by Kelly and sister Brooke.  Kelly is livid at Anthony, Kathy and Abby for putting her daughter in such a position.

During awards, Asia wins her age group.  In her division, Kendall scores fourth place right behind third place Chloe.  Chloe and the male-Maddie (second place) tied, but the tie was broken by their technical score.  Maddie, of course, takes the top spot.  Abby is horrified when Kathy's group number trumps her runaways.  However, she reminds herself that she wasn't beaten by Kathy and her dancers, but rather a guest choreographer and kids poached from studios around the country.


After awards, a tearful Kelly tells the moms what Abby did to Paige.  The other mothers are mortified that Abby asked Paige to confront Anthony and Kathy.  Abby enters to give her version of the events, and she's super proud of Paige.  She thinks Paige did a great job both sticking up to Anthony and performing in the group dance.  If anyone ruined the group dance, it was hot mess AsiaKristie 2.0 wasn't expecting that, but she's interrupted by Kathy and her sore winning.  Abby storms out after telling the moms she's thinking of relocating to Los Angeles.  Cue a not so dramatic exit!


[Photo Credit: Lifetime]


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