Duck Dynasty Recap: It’s A Robertson Wedding, Y’all! CHAW!

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Last night was the season premiere of Duck Dynasty, and I must say, I have missed those Robertson boys and their families!  While I'm all about a DD marathon, I love new Si one-liners peppered among Willie's antics and Jase and Phil's dry humor.  The episode didn't disappoint as the crew created a surprise wedding with nary a camo tablecloth.  I'm shocked!  Let's begin, shall we?  CHAW!

Jep and Willie are playing Battleship as their wives watch with eyes rolling.  Jessica and Korie share a scripted exchange about Phil and Kay's upcoming anniversary.  As Willie jokes that the girls will never be able to convince his parents to have a party, Korie suggests planning a surprise vow renewal, and she credits Willie for the brilliant idea.  She admits that the best way to get a Robertson man to do what you want is to make them think they came up with the plan in the first place…well, that and sexy time.  A second wedding, it is!

Jase, Si, Godwin, and the boy are hanging out in the warehouse, and Missy is blowing up Jase's phone with ideas for the surprise wedding.  The men wonder why they need a second walk down the aisle, and we learn that Phil and Kay never had a proper wedding the first time around. Godwin is excited about the idea as long as there is chicken dancing involved.  Willie joins the crew in an effort to escape Korie's party to-do list, and Si can do nothing but Indiana Jones his nephew for being so whipped as Godwin yells CHAW in what has to be the worst whip sound ever. Willie denies being a pushover as he hands his credit card to Korie…


Poor Phil can't enjoy a quiet afternoon fishing because Kay is determined talk his ear off about their surroundings.  She reminds a forgetful Phil that the following day is their forty-eighth anniversary.  She can't be upset that the only dates he remembers are Christmas, Easter, and the duck season opener.  After all, his lack of awareness of special days has scored her multiple birthday gifts throughout the same year time frame.  He may be a man of few words, but there is no question as to how much Phil loves his Miss Kay.

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Is it me, or are the Robertson wives getting shinier (and tinier) as the seasons pass?  I adore this family, but they can't act, and that seems to be all they are doing so far.  Let's get back to the basics, A&E!  Korie, Missy, and Jessica have taken over the warehouse, and Willie thinks it's adorable when the girls try to play office.  Martin is trying not to fall asleep, Si is making beard jewelry out of a pearl garland, and poor Godwin once again gets teased for his ridiculous whip sound effects.  CHAW!  Only Jep gets praised for his listening skills.  Things only get harrier when Korie enlists Si to get Phil and Kay out of their house so the family can set up the surprise.  

Si calls Kay on speaker phone, and he reveals that he wants to get her and Phil out of the house.  The wives quickly shush him when he says he has a big surprise for the couple, and Kay can't help but wonder who he's whispering to in the background.  Do they have a bad connection since she's out in the woods?  All we need is Mr. Roper because this is playing out just like an episode I once saw of Three's Company.

As Phil and Kay await Si's arrival, Phil's sarcasm knows no bounds.  I love this man.  If I could have someone narrate my life as I live it, it would be Phil.  His voice just lulls me into peaceful happiness.  Si arrives late and out of gas, but he's got his trusty tea pitcher so we're all good.  As a "master distracter," Si is prepared to take his brother and sister-in-law on a walk down memory lane.

Back at Phil and Kay's house, Jase equates decorating to torture.  Of course, in an effort to stay in the ladies good graces, Jep is right in the thick of planning.  Willie, Jase, and Jep's oldest brother Pastor Alan makes a rare appearance (although word on the street swamp is he'll be more of regular this season).  The beardless, clean-cut Alan greets his bearded brethren and quickly gets to work.  Jep, who has spoken more in the past five minutes than in the past five episodes, gives us wrestle-mania worthy commentary on the smack down that is sure to ensue between his two mouthy brothers and the wives.  CHAW!

On Si's tour, the first stop is a falling down shack that once belonged to Debbie Gibson, the girl in high school who introduced Phil and Miss Kay. Phil reminds Si that 1) he's never laid eyes on this crack house; 2) he met Kay at a high school ballgame; and 3) the only Debbie Gibson he's ever heard of is of the Electric Youth variety.  

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A sly Jep has the women eating out of his hand.  While he's busy arranging flowers, Willie whines when asked to go pick up the wedding cake. Jep quickly volunteers, and Jessica explains that he'll need to pick out some cupcakes as well.  Jep will have the added task of taste-testing. Willie can't believe his horrible luck, and Jep waltzes off to the bakery chiding his brothers, "And that's how it's done, ladies!"  Meanwhile, Si has carted Phil and Kay to a fireworks stand.  Phil is confused…weren't they supposed to be going for ice cream?  After a guessing game, Si reveals that the fireworks stand now sits on the spot where their high school hangout used to be…or not, according to Phil.jase duck dynasty

Jase is hoping that Martin will cover for him if he sneaks in a little fishing time, and Godwin is hot on his heels.  Willie is halfway up a tree hanging a deer antler chandelier, when we are treated to visit from Mountain Man.  He's got the arbor!  And by arbor, I mean, he's got a ton of stray sticks and bones and antlers in the trailer that need to be fashioned into an arbor.  If it's even possible, Mountain Man is moving even slower than he speaks.  If looks could kill, Korie Robertson would have the poor guy six feet under.  

Stop number three has the trio pulled over on the side of the road, as Si walks the couple from tree-to-tree.  Poor Phil just wants the ice cream he was promised.  Back at wedding headquarters, Martin is quick to throw Jase under the bus, and Missy has him back to work in no time.  CHAW! Back on the nature walk, Phil considers just pretending to know what Si's talking about just to hurry this little excursion along.  However, he's beyond surprised when Si leads them straight to a tree where he and Kay carved their initials back when they started dating…or back when this show started filming.

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Phil and Kay's yard has been transformed into an outdoor wonderland for the ceremony, and the group is dressed to the nines as Si pulls up with the happy couple.  Kay is overwhelmed and Phil wonders what was so wrong with the ten minute ceremony with the Justice of the Peace they had oh so many years ago.  It was the best fifteen dollars he ever spent.  Willie, Jase, and Jep are arguing over who will be their father's best man, but he thwarts their plans by choosing Si.  The entire family watches as Miss Kay walks down the aisle while being serenaded by Missy.  Alan officiates as the pair exchange personal vows.  A tea swilling Si interrupts to give his own speech, okay?  Okay?  The ceremony concludes with the family praying together.  Scripted or not, I so love the Robertsons. 

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[Photo Credit: A&E]