Dance Moms Recap: Handstan(d)xiety

dance moms 1

Maybe Lifetime has no intention of ever ending this season of Dance Moms.  Since Abby Lee Miller despises the moms so much, you'd think she'd want to put a cap on the number of episodes I have to watch, er, um, I mean, in which she has to participate! 

The ALDC is back in Pennsylvania, and Abby is proud of her dancers' showing in Vegas.  MacKenzie finds herself at the bottom of the pyramid for being absent, followed by Paige for forgetting her solo.  Abby does, however, compliment her performance in the group number.  Brooke is one step above her sister, although Abby doesn't think that her solo showcased Brooke's true talent.  Nia rounds out the bottom for excelling in rehearsals but flubbing up in competition.  When Nia blames her hat for her dancing woes, Abby tells the story of a man whose hand was severed during a show, but the dancers around him didn't miss a beat.  Same thing.

Kendall is last on the second tier, and she admits her nerves got the best of her.  Abby advises her to exude confidence regardless so she's the one intimidating others, and she reminds Kendall not to watch the soloists before her.  Chloe is in third for flying under the radar, followed by Maddie for shining in the group number.  The undefeatable Asia is in the top spot.  The girls will be traveling to Regionals in Buffalo, and their group number will be hoedown themed.  MacKenzie will have a solo, and Abby makes sure to get in a few digs about how she's still in Asia's shadow.


Maddie and Kendall will have a duet, and Abby hopes that Kendall will be able to keep up with her star.  Chloe and Asia will also have a duet.  Abby announces that Maddie has been chosen to be showcased in a dance magazine.  Of course she has, scoff Christie.  The group number is just a big ol' ball of acrobatics and stunts.  Poor MacKenzie has to walk on her hands for 48 counts.  This has disaster written all over it!!

At Melissa's house, the folks from Dance Spirit magazine are following Maddie around all day to do a "day in the life" piece.  Jill and Kendall pop in to "pick up" Kendall's dance bag.  She's not fooling anyone.  Jill is trying to get Kendall into some of Maddie's shot, and she's brought Kendall's cover photo from the magazine that was on the show a few weeks, months, eons ago.  Melissa isn't the least bit rattled by Jill's behavior, but she's fully aware that she could have brought Kendall's bag to practice.

dance moms 2

At the studio, the poor girl from the magazine is being bombarded by snarky moms (or at least snarky K/Christi/es) who want to know why Maddie was the chosen one.  Well, duh!  Abby wanted her to do it.  I don't know why these ladies are shocked by this revelation.  The mothers find it hilarious that Abby is actually dancing with her girls doing the group rehearsal.  She's totally showboating for the photographer.

As Maddie and Kendall practice their duet, the moms wonder why Maddie is dancing in the front with Kendall performing in her shadow.  Abby reveals that if Kendall can't keep up with Maddie, Maddie will perform the dance as a solo.  Abby warns Jill that her daughter better not tarnish Maddie's perfect reputation.  When Jill asks whether Abby thinks this is a winning routine, Abby is beyond insulted by Jill questioning her choreography.  Jill is banished from the studio.

Abby still hasn't decided who will be performing at Nationals.  Holly notes that the group dance is a hot mess, and she makes a comment about how Jill's dreams have come true now that Kendall is dancing with Maddie.  Given that Chloe used to be Maddie's duet partner, Christi is concerned that Abby is trying to phase out her daughter.

dance moms

The moms are summoned to the studio to watch the girls practice in pairs to see whose timing is off and who needs more work.  MacKenzie and that handstand makes me so anxious for her.  As Chloe and Asia dance their duet, both Christi and 2.0 are confused by the "doll turning evil" back story.  MacKenzie is under a lot of pressure with her solo and her two hour long handstand.

In Buffalo, Abby is prepared to watch her girls like a hawk to determine who will be dancing at Nationals.  The girls reveal their costumes, and they are totally precious.  MacKenzie has to win.  There is no other way around it as far as Melissa is concerned.  Abby has a smile on her face throughout her entire number, so that's a plus.  Halfway through her routine, Abby whispers to Melissa that Asia is the best thing that ever happened to MacKenzie's motivation.  2.0 and the Original are worried about Chloe and Asia's duet, and I am totally creeped out by evil doll Asia.  I thought they looked incredible, but Abby thinks that Asia danced circles around her older counterpart.  

As Kendall and Maddie rehearse, Abby is screaming at Kendall about her posture.  Give me a break!  She even insults Kendall's body in a halter costume.  Jill is yelling at Abby to let her daughter rehearse before ripping her to shreds.  However, Jill is totally crossing her fingers that her daughter won't choke while dancing with Maddie…and she doesn't.  Kendall totally dances up to Maddie's level.  

jill dance moms

Before the group number, the girls are putting daisies in their hair and airbrushing on abs.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Melissa takes the opportunity to share Maddie's dance magazine feature with Abby, and I think Christi's head may just explode from jealousy (Kelly's too).  Jill breaks up the tension with some makeshift clogging.  MacKenzie's handstand is making me ultra nervous.  The dance is more precious than I anticipated, and Paige is doing a great job.  Sadly, MacKenzie face plants halfway through her thirty-minute handstand.  She's too scared about Abby yelling at her to be excited for winning in her solo division.  The evil doll duet takes second, with Maddie and Kendall's dance taking the top prize.  Even with MacKenzie's tumble, the group number wins first place overall.  

When the moms get back to the practice area, Christi is going off about a small dig Jill made regarding Chloe and Asia's second place finish.  Christi will find any reason to yell, I've decided.  Abby is harsh with the moms, but she greets MacKenzie with a hug.  She yells at the girls that she has a very tough decision about who will be dancing at Nationals, and she warns them that they don't want to see how she'll react if they lose.

Next week, the ALDC heads to Nationals in New Orleans, and Kathy and her Apples will be present.  Leslie and Payton return, and Christi and Leslie get into a brawl on Bourbon Street.  Keep it classy, ladies!


[Photo Credit: Lifetime]