Mob Wives Recap: Ratatouille


The ladies of Mob Wives…whatever are we going to do with them? Between the bleeps and the rat accusations and promises of 90's rappers, my head is still spinning from last night's episode!

Drita D'avanzo is back in the studio to work on her music career. Her rap career is really blowing up…according to her. Sure. After hearing two beats from a potential "Mrs. Moneybags" single, Drita is raring to go. She's ready to lay down some rhymes. She freaks out when she learns that Method Man may also be on the track. Are you kidding me? Wu Tang? Please and thank you. I once saw them open for L.L. Cool J. Amazing.

After Alicia diMichele Garofalo's rat accusations last week, Renee Graziano felt targeted. Renee is walking with Big Ang and going off on Alicia's attack on her character. No one is going to call her a rat and get away with it. Ang stays quiet, but you can tell that she doth thinks Renee protest too much. Drita is dining with Alicia, and Drita feels badly about the position in which Alicia finds herself. She's shocked to learn more about Renee knowing so much about Alicia's case. Feeling stuck between her friends, Drita reminds Alicia that whatever Renee said wasn't out of malice. It's the lifestyle. Meanwhile, Ang is trying to placate Renee who is going off the rails. Did someone say her boyfriend smelled delicious again? Renee is cool being called a lot of things, but a snitch isn't one of them. I am getting hoarse just listening to Renee shriek. 


Drita is penning her lyrics in bubble letters in a hot pink spiral notebook. The only thing missing is a Trapper Keeper. The thought of collaborating with Method Man is both inspiring and intimidating. She enlists her oldest daughter for help. Drita's happy family has made her soft. She used to be so filled with anger and gangster.  Writer's block is for the birds.

Natalie Guercio is dining with her beau and he teases her about wearing Mob Candy clothes. She promptly changes the subject as to when he plans to settle down with her. She's sick of doing long distance and move from New York to Philly to be with her. Her boyfriend channels his inner Valerie Bertanelli and tells her he can only take things one day at a time. 


Never one to let anything go, Renee is still flipping out about being called a rat. She's no rat, but her husband is! Junior has written her from prison, and Renee can't believe her misfortune. Junior professes his love for Renee in his little note, and this sends Renee into yet another swear-filled rant. She can't believe that he has the audacity to suggest they get back together once he's out of prison. She doesn't do rats. Her sweet, logical son A.J. stops by and Renee wants to share the letter. A.J. is adamant that he doesn't want to hear anything about his father. He doesn't live in the past. A.J. wants to move forward. Renee is livid. Why doesn't A.J. want to hear what a nut job his father is? I love A.J., and I feel so badly for him. He's trying to live a good life, and he's got two screwy parents trying their hardest to impede his progress.

Natalie stops by to visit Alicia wearing her finest sports bra, leather jacket and belly button ring. Hello, best dressed! Renee has been harassing Alicia passive aggressively via Twitter. So tough. Alicia is beyond pissed that she's made an effort to try to squash her beef with Renee and Renee is retaliating in 160 characters are less. Natalie isn't surprised. She knows the true Renee. She has the remnants of a Vegas breakfast sandwich still in her hair to prove it.


Renee is meeting with her friend Carla who Alicia has designated as the leak. Alicia's husband grew up with the two of them, and Renee fills in Carla on Alicia's latest accusations. Carla isn't surprised to learn that she's on some of Alicia's husband's wire taps. Renee has an aha moment! It's the feds fault!  When isn't it, really? Apparently Alicia's husband may have had an inappropriate relationship with Carla. The pair dated before he married Alicia, and his family is still Team Carla. Renee knows that Carla's situation with Alicia's husband is (now) strictly platonic. The women determine that Alicia is her own worst enemy. Could she be her own rat? Alicia isn't from this lifestyle and clearly she doesn't know the rules. How embarrassing for her. 

We're treated to a classy sidebar of Natalie spicing up her sex life with a shred of terry cloth and a hotel room. This is why I want to travel with a black light. Meanwhile, Ang and Drita, the only two sane people on this show, are meeting to rehash recent events. Is it bad that I want to be friends with them? They are appalled by the Twitter-gate that Renee has instigated. I am distracted by Ang's bowling ball boobs. I'm worried the one on the right may give her a black eye if it gets shoved any closer to her face. Ang despises Instagram, Twitter, and all social media…unless it's promoting the Drunken Monkey. The ladies are totally on Alicia's side, and I can't say I blame them. I kind of like that the ladies are turning on Renee.  


Taking her beef off the Internet, Renee is having a one-on-one with Alicia. Is Staten Island just ripe with establishments that have darkened back rooms for lady fights? It seems to be a running theme on this show every season. As the women yell at each other, Renee reminds Alicia that more people than the feds are privy to her husband's wire taps. The argument escalates into a Carla hate-fest. Renee doesn't want to hear anyone talking about her best friend since she was eight. The women keep giving rivaling stink eyes, but Renee really wants to just break Alicia's face. She's no rat. Is she going to trademark that line because it could be lucrative…Renee then back tracks and claims her tweets that were totally about Alicia had absolutely nothing to do with Alicia. Seriously? Man up, Renee! The fights turns to Alicia's alleged boyfriend. Shockingly, this rumor doesn't seem to bother Alicia. Taking it to another level, Alicia also is fine with her husband's multiple affairs since he "owned up" to them. I can barely keep up with this argument…I feel like I got sucked into an Olympic table tennis tournament. Why are they dragging Annie Oakley into this? In my defense, the bleeping makes it hard to decipher their brawl before Renee storms out of the back room. 


[Photo Credit: VH1]