Dance Moms Recap: Someone Call The “Wahh”mbulance…And The Hair Police!

dance moms kelly abby fight

I can't with Abby Lee Miller. I just can't anymore. She's not really this horrible, is she? On last night's episode of Dance Moms, she was sabotaging her girls left and right. In Pittsburgh, Abby is still unhappy over a less than stellar showing at the last competition. She can't even enjoy that the group number was the highest scoring routine of the event. Jill reminds Abby that bringing Chloe 2.0 took time away from Abby's actual team. Abby spent far too much time bringing Chloe 2.0 up to speed. Abby agrees…bringing on one new dancer to replace one member of the ALDC wasn't the best idea. She plans to form an entirely new team to beat her current girls. Only Maddie may get to be a part of this elite squad known as the special victims unit.

During the pyramid, the original Chloe is on the bottom for her fourth place solo, followed by Kendall and then Nia for not winning their duet. Jill and Holly couldn't care less. They know their daughters did far better than anyone could have with such little instruction. MacKenzie rounds out the bottom for not having enough stage presence in the group dance. Brooke is last on the second rung for not pushing herself. Her sister Paige is second on the pyramid with Maddie on top. For this week's New York City competition, both of Kelly's daughters get solos, and Paige also gets a placed in a duet with Chloe. Abby hopes that Kelly will look at this as an opportunity for Paige to shine instead of complaining her daughter is under too much pressure to learn multiple dances. Abby then invites Kelly, Christi, and their daughters to accompany her to the open casting call in NYC. When questioned about the remaining team members, Abby reveals that there is another competition in town in which Nia, Kendall, MacKenzie and Maddie will be performing.


In the viewing room, Abby brings in her two finalists from Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition for the Pittsburgh competition. The moms plant the seed in Kelly's head that Abby is setting Paige up to fail with four dances. Abby is working with the duet, and she needs to lay off the spray tan. The moms can't believe that Abby is going out of her way to tear down the two girls who have the least amount of confidence. She reminds Paige not to get too big for her britches and warns her that she won't be feeling as confident once she sees how talented the open call dancers are. What a gem.

When Paige, Brooke, and Chloe arrive in New York City, Abby refuses to teach the girls the number. Instead of being the demonstrator like Maddie has been, they will be auditioning with the rest of the crowd. She makes the girls take off her Abby Lee gear and forces them to dance in plain leotards. Chloe is in tears. When one mother challenges that her daughter is better than Paige, Paige almost bursts into tears. Instead of sticking up for her student, she makes the girls have a dance off of sorts. I am fuming, even though Paige totally proved herself. 

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The rest of the team arrive in New York after sweeping the other competition. Before the dancing commences, Abby introduces everyone to two of the amazing dancers she may use to start her new super-team. Paige dances her solo, and it's a cute can-can with a lot of acrobatics. Abby is beyond disappointed with her performance. Brooke's acrobatic routine is amazing. When the mom's cheer, Abby reminds them that she's been recycling Brooke's routine since she was eight. Brooke is Boringtown, USA. Abby wants to enter Maddie and the Ultimate Dance girl's duet to compete against Chloe and Paige. Seriously? I want to reach through my television and slap her orange face. Melissa wants them entered only as an exhibition, not a scored number. No can do. Abby is awful.

dance moms melissa

Christi and Kelly are livid because Melissa and Maddie both said the duet wouldn't be danced in the competition. Maddie and the new girl do dance beautifully together. I also think that Chloe and Paige do an amazing job, but we all know that it won't be good enough. Christi and Kelly confront Melissa about being a liar and Holly and Jill are silently stuck in the middle. Christi reminds Chloe that she will figure out her true friends are while pointedly looking at Maddie. Maddie then tells her mom that she's obviously not Maddie's friend anymore. Shame on Christi. Let these girls figure this out by themselves. They are tween girls. Lying is going to happen, oh, about twenty times a day until they are out of middle school. Maddie wishes everyone would just take a chill pill. 

Before the group number, Abby comes in to talk about her great new talent and how uninspired Brooke is. Kelly urges Abby to just replace her and get it over with already. Abby asks Brooke if she's going to let her mother keeps speaking for her or if she's finally going to "grow the hell up." Kelly rightfully tells Abby to "shut the hell up." Abby turns to the new dance mom and says "can you believe how she speaks to me?" Um, I can't believe how you are speaking to a fifteen-year-old. Abby starts poking her finger in Kelly's face and Kelly retaliates with more finger pointing. Abby starts coming after Kelly like she's going to bite off her finger (I mean, instigate much, Abby?) so Kelly grabs a handful of Abby's hair. Holly screams at the girls to get out of the room, and everyone is crying. As Abby calls the police (really?), Holly ushers Kelly and her girls out of the building. 

dance moms abby

The remaining girls reblock their number as Abby reminds them that Paige and Brooke abandoned them. I truly cannot stand this woman. The group routine is beautiful but it's really just Maddie and some back-up dancers. During the awards ceremony, Paige gets fifth place in her solo division. Brooke places fourth in the teen division. Holly is glad that Kelly and her girls aren't here as Abby would rail them even more. Paige and Chloe's duet gets second place as Maddie and her friend win first…so Abby would have had a winning duet without entering Maddie. The group number wins the top prize as well. Gah, I think my blood pressure is through the roof thanks to that episode!


[Photo Credit; Lifetime]