I want to try to have a bit on an introduction for last night’s Dance Moms episode, but I just feel so sick after watching it. Those last five minutes were some of the worst in the show’s history (in my opinion), and both Abby Lee Miller and Lifetime should be utterly ashamed of themselves. Let’s get started, shall we?
So apparently the process server doesn’t want his fifteen minutes of fame because he has his face blurred when he serves Abby with court papers in Paige’s law suit. Abby is tearful that her former students and parents are trying to humiliate her in her place of business. Abby just can’t have this negativity around these kids. She is so good at playing the victim. As she storms out into the parking lot, Holly and Jill show their support for Abby. Abby wants to make a public statement, but everyone (and by everyone, I mean Holly) agrees that given her defensive attitude will only dig her deeper into this mess. They finally get her to quit her dramatics and start class, and Jill and Holly make sure to point out that Kira and daughter Kalani are late once again. Off with their heads! Okay, that may be harsh…no
soup solos for you! When the finally arrive, Kira blames the traffic, and Abby totally gives her a pass. Double standard much?
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MacKenzie is on the bottom of the pyramid because she wasn’t weird enough in the Freak Show group dance. Maddie follows (WHAT? She may be more surprised than I am, and that’s saying a lot). She didn’t have a solo, and she didn’t do anything tremendous in the group routine, according to Abby. Some folks seem to think that I am anti-Maddie, which isn’t the case. I adore all the girls…just not their older counterparts! Nia is in third gaining praise in both her solo and her role in the group numbers. Kendall is in second, although she could have wowed more with her solo. Kalani has taken over the top spot…for this week at least. The competition this week is in Detroit…home of Jeanette and Ava. Facebook has already announced that Ava will be having a solo. Abby decides that this is the week that Kalani and Maddie will go head-to-head. For some reason, this bothers Holly more than it bothers Melissa, even though Melissa makes sure to point out that Kalani is two years older than Maddie. The group number is entitled Stomp the Yard and is inspired by Orange is the New Black…a show I hope that none of these kids have seen. Abby hopes this will prepare the girls for auditions in Los Angeles. Jill finds it ironic that the girls are doing a prison number on the day she was served. Holly then takes the opportunity to go off on Kira for being late but still reaping the benefits of Abby’s favoritism. Where did this new Holly come from? She looks like a five-star fool as she yells at Kira before stomping out of the viewing room. Bring back the sane, normal(ish) Holly. Geez!
The following day, the girls are getting new head shots in anticipation of their move to L.A. Jill can barely contain her glee. Abby has allotted fifteen minutes for this feat. Poor MackZ goes first, and Abby urges her to channel her inner eye-rolling mean girl. She then compares Maddie to Jodie Foster. As Kalani takes her pictures, Holly knows that with time waning, Nia and Kendall are going to get the short end of the stick. Jill even overhears Abby tell the photographer that Maddie, MacKenzie, and Kalani are the only ones who will book jobs in L.A. anyway. Before Nia can take her turn in front of the camera, Abby heads out to do something else. Holly is livid that her daughter keeps getting passed over by Abby.
Abby is pitting Maddie and Kalani against each other and reminds Maddie that a loss will not only disappoint her and the studio, but she will all let down Sia. Maddie is under a great deal of pressure as Abby has her acting out the judgment bestowed upon Abby with these law suits. In the viewing room, Melissa reveals that Abby may have gotten Maddie a spot in Elle Magazine. Jill then retells what she heard Abby say to the photographer. Holly finds it incredibly frustrating that she and Jill are supporting Abby in light of all the drama and she is not extending the same courtesy to their daughters. Holly then receives a call from Jeanette warning that she is going to stick it to Abby at the competition for how she treated Ava. Kira hangs up on her. At rehearsal, Abby reminds Kalani and Maddie that if Ava comes anywhere close to beating them, they’re toast.
At the competition, Jeanette and her dancers greet the ALDC at the door, but Abby and her dancers respond with the silent treatment. Jeanette, although probably not with the purest of intentions, goes to the ALDC dressing room to wish the girls luck and express her hope that they can be civil and enjoy the competition. She can’t get a word out before Abby bites off her head, hurling insults about everything from Jeanette’s voice to her outfit. That Abby, always keeping it classy! Kira then jumps in to remind Jeanette that Ava got kicked off the team while Kalani got asked back…stalker! Such great role models for their daughters, for sure!
Before the solos begin, Abby decides to stand backstage with the girls to make sure Jeanette doesn’t do anything fishy. The competition is late to start, and Abby comes out from the wings and throws her hands up (at the judges? At the ceiling?) telling someone (the judges? The ceiling?) to hurry up already. Coincidentally (yeah, such a coincidence!), Ava is on the other side of the stage and mistakes Abby’s gestures and smart remarks to be targeted at her. Ava performs (her mom is in the audience, so Abby shouldn’t have been too worried), and she’s extremely graceful–all arms and legs. The always kind Kira gags, likening the child to a praying mantis. Kalani is equally as talented, but she’s got much more going for her in regard to make-up and costume. Maddie is flawless, and Abby is extremely moved. I know nothing about choreography, but Ava’s seemed the most difficult. I thought Maddie’s was the prettiest though.
After the solos, Jeanette approaches Abby to see why she was goading her daughter from the wings. As Abby yells, Jeanette goes off to lodge a complaint against her. In the dressing room, Abby is screeching about how much she loves all children. The head of the competition comes in, and Abby screams, “How dare you talk to me that way? Who do you have on Broadway?” Is this woman ever not on the defensive? How are the ALDC moms wondering why people keep trying to take down Abby? That said, the ALDC girls are totally stepping up their game with these group routines! Their Stomp the Yard is amazing, and Nia gives amazing face throughout. Not surprisingly, they win the group routine with Jeanette’s girls coming in second. In the overall solo division, Kalani receives fourth place with Ava placing third. Abby pulls out a second place finish.
Abby is appalled and accuses the competition of being rigged. Holly interrupts telling Abby that she sounds like fool. She then questions Abby saying that Nia and Kendall wouldn’t book jobs. Abby pretends like she never said such a thing and then begins to chastise Kendall who bursts into tears. She calls Jill a horrible mother. When Jill defends her daughter, Kendall pleads for her mother to stop as she’s incredibly embarrassed. Abby bellows that Kendall should feel embarrassed, and Holly comes in like a mama bear ready to fight. The always calm and collected Nia interjects that Abby is being disrespectful. You go, Nia! Abby screams that she’s being disrespected, and Holly continues to scream that Abby needs to change her ways. Holly tries to remind Abby that she isn’t the enemy, but Abby is never, ever, ever wrong. This show is killing me.
Photo Credit: Lifetime