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All season, the women of Mob Wives have been gearing up for one final brawl, and last night? Well, clearly VH1’s attorneys have added some air-tight anti-violence clauses to their contracts since mid-season. Was that the finale? I am so confused. There were no previews for next week, but there was also no resolution. I’m exhausted trying to keep up with the Natalies

Big Ang is hosting Renee Graziano at her home, and both ladies are happy they are in a better place after their knock-down-drag-out regarding Renee’s comment amount Natalie Guercio and the coke laced dollar bill. Ang is happy to see that Renee seems committed to her positive streak. Both women find it strange that Drita D’avanzo didn’t attend Renee’s spiritual rebirth, and Ang admits she hasn’t heard a peep from the friend she usually talks to several times a day. Renee wants to focus on the good and she’s ready to throw a big party. She hopes all of the ladies will come and be on their best behavior…because that always happens with this crew. She’ll remind Karen Gravano to keep it classy. Of course, if original Natalie wants to confront Natalie DiDonato about their beef, Renee will kindly step aside so the Natalies can handle their business like cage fighters.

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Oh, this is rich! London has nabbed Natlalie a modeling gig in a prison catalog. I had to rewind twice to make sure I heard that correctly. There is something a bit icky to me about being a pin-up for some dude who hasn’t seen the outside world since dial-up Internet, but kudos to the catalog’s creator for finding an untapped market. The catalog features the sweatsuits and generic prison gear that inmates are allowed to purchase, and Natalie will serve as eye-candy. While she finds it a bit weird to be some prisoner’s fantasy, she’s happy to add some spice into the lives of those behind bars. Across town, Drita is at the gym taking out her intense frustrations on a punching bag. She’s livid that Natalie admitted to being a rat (on some cell phone recording) after making Drita feel so sorry for her. Damn cop callers. Drita is a violent mode, and she’s ready for Ratalie to be dead to her…and everyone else. 

Renee and her son AJ are shopping for a promise ring for his girlfriend of two years. They are meeting with the jeweler, and it’s like something from out of a movie…buzzed into a windowless room and wooed with suitcases full of jewels. Okay so there is a window. Renee adores AJ’s girlfriend, and she is excited about AJ making this next step. She jokes that he may want to buy his mom a Rolex too while he’s at it!

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Oh gracious! Someone gave Fraudalie a gun. She’s at the shooting range with a friend to release some tension. She tells her friend that she’s back together with Ronnie. Sure, they have huge brawls, but then he cries. She can’t resist. New Natalie is excited about Renee’s party so she can expose Ratalie. Her friend encourages a confrontation as she once met Original Natalie at a club and wasn’t impressed. Holy crap…don’t give Natalie 2.0 an assault rifle! For the love of all things decent! On Staten Island, Karen arrives at the Drunken Monkey (oh how I’ve missed that place!), and Ang is happy that finally everyone is getting along. She gushes about her son AJ finishing his drug program in prison. The two ladies recall how awesome Renee’s baptism was, but both are still confused by Drita’s absence. When the topic turns to Renee’s upcoming bash (which I am sure will be taken literally), Karen unleashes on her disdain for Ratalie. She’s ready to face their unfinished business. Poor Ang. She just keeps repeating that she hopes it will be a nice party. Karen asserts that Ang needs to be concerned about Fraudalie coming after Ratalie than her beef.

It’s the evening of Renee’s baptismal party (that’s a thing, y’all!), and she is dressed to the nines. Karen follow suit with the requisite fur coat and rhinestone statement necklace. Oh, and Ratalie also got the memo. Tight black spandex? Check. Lots of cleavage? Check. Horrible extensions? You guessed it! At least Fraudalie is mixing it up a bit with a silver body stocking situation. She looks like a slutty Star Trek extra. Karen is just thrilled that there will be a woman at the party who hates Original Natalie more than she does. Ang is next on the scene with sweet Neil, sporting her fur and clove cigarette. I am glad she opted out of Frederick’s of Hollywood funeral attire. AJ gifts his girlfriend with a gorgeous promise ring as the party cheers. Renee assures her guests that it’s not an engagement…just a lot of love. Drita, complete with extensions and animal carcass, has opted for pants…they are easier to fight in, I’m sure. She’s embarrassed to tell her friends that they have all been played by Ratalie. She relays the contents of Fraudalie’s recording. Both Renee and Karen hate to gloat, but they are totally biting their tongues from an “I told you so.” Ang still isn’t buying it. Ang wonders if a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it still make a sound rat is exposed by a secret recording wouldn’t the person sharing said recording also be considered a rat? Deep thoughts, by Big Ang. I love her so.

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New Natalie shows up and Ang quickly exits stage left…she doesn’t want to say anything incriminating in the event that Fraudalie is wearing a wire. She’s amazing. Like a kid at Christmas, Karen inquires about the recording. A giddy Natalie 2.0 is waiting for the right time to share it with everyone. Renee hopes that her party will remain positive, but I think she just went to hide the knives and substitute the glassware for solo cups. Drita cites Ang’s reaction as similar to someone serving time for being ratted out but not wanting to fathom that their rat friend was capable of putting them there. Why can’t she just be the only level-headed person on the show? As Original Natalie struts in, the tension is palpable. Maybe everyone is on edge due to the pending smackdown…or maybe everyone finds it awkward that there are at least fourteen women in attendance with the same two-toned synthetic hair. Who wore it best? 

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As Ratalie sheds her coat, Fraudalie decides that now is the time to play the recording. Renee urges her to put down her phone, and New Natalie obliges…she’ll let her nemesis eat first before their battle. Drita is giving First Natalie the freeze-out, and Ang feels incredibly awkward. Drita sees some buff strangers at the party, and she’s convinced that Ratalie has enlisted her own security. She summons Renee who confirms they are party crashers. It’s turning into West Side Story but with ugly costumes and no singing. Ang is starting to reconsider her position. Why would Ratalie need a muscle fueled entourage if she hadn’t done anything wrong? Renee just wanted a positive night to celebrate her spiritual rebirth, and she’s got her bouncers escorting Ratalie’s crew from the party. Karen is throwing around the term “rat bitch” as if she’s trying to make fetch happen. Original Natalie peaces out with her people, but Natalie 2.0 doesn’t want her to get away so easily. Drita grabs a fur (her fur? Any fur!) and chases Fraudalie who is chasing Ratalie out into the street. I’m reminded of My Best Friend’s Wedding when Julia Roberts’ character steals a bread truck to go after her love. “Jules, your chasing Michael, Michael’s chasing Kimmie…but who is chasing you? Nobody!” Fraudalie tries to taunt Ratalie who retreats to her car. Coward and a rat…and a “Kitty” if you listen to Drita. Even Ang finds Original Natalie’s betrayal to be disconcerting. Till next time, Ratalie. Cheers!

TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? WAS IT THE FINALE? DID I MISS SOMETHING?

[Photo Credit: VH1]

 

 

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