Ladies of London Recap: One Royal Hangover

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Last night’s Ladies of London picked up right where we left off, with grown women in onesies arguing over who’s humping whose hubby. Juliet Angus just caught a unicorn version of Caroline Stanbury posing over Juliet’s husband, Gregor, in a compromising position. And she ain’t happy about it. As Caroline dismisses Juliet for taking umbrage over her “joke,” Caroline’s more than slightly tipsy sister in law, Sophie Stanbury, bends over Juliet to argue about men wanting “variety” and absolutely loving the occasional unicorn hump now and again! So, pfffffffft with ye olde Americans and your easily bruised egos! Caroline takes a more direct approach, flipping Juliet off before she walks away. Getting huffy in plush onesies is no small feat, but these ladies are managing to do just that. Which is hilarious.

After Juliet tells the group she and Gregor are going to bed, Sophie snarks, “You Americans have no idea how to party. I’m gonna go hang out with the Brits!” The drunken Caroline and Sophie, along with wannabe Brit, Marissa Hermer, head up to Caroline’s suite for an after party with their assigned husbands. Caroline doesn’t understand Juliet’s damage. Caroline Fleming coos in Caroline S’s ear that the person who starts the drama usually *is* the drama. The Baroness has spoken! And she has just encapsulated the behavior of every reality star that’s ever cried foul.

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In Juliet’s suite, she apologizes to a nearly catatonic Gregor, who doesn’t seem to need post-traumatic event therapy right now. What he needs is six coffees and/or twelve hours of sleep. Juliet leaves him to it, then heads up to Caroline S‘s after party, where she is greeted by Caroline saying, “Hello, darling, we were just discussing the sexual assault!” 

Caroline feels like she is being dragged through the mud as a “husband humper” when, in fact, she was merely enjoying a New Year’s goof. Juliet claims Gregor is very reserved, so the scene was uncomfortable for him (uh, did Juliet actually witness the glassy-eyed, tooth-grinning Gregor in the scene she describes?). Sophie slurs, “Well, I spoke to him after and he said he really enjoyed it.”

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Marissa notes that the Stanbury gals have no idea what a truly pissed-off Juliet looks like, so they are not picking up on the fire that has been ignited within. But Juliet is also a fool to take on the Stanbury sisters, drunk or sober. Marissa claps “Enough! Enough!” and attempts to end the scene, which I guess she does. Because Juliet leaves in a huff while Caroline and Sophie lazily declare they’ve had enough of this for one night. Or maybe they just reach for another glass of champagne? In any case, they are both rocking the #unrattled vibe like professionals. In onesies! 

Waking up the next day is no small feat, as Sophie wishes for paracetamol and Caroline S wishes to vomit. Juliet is all about eating her way out of a bad situation, while Julie Montagu has already taught a yoga class before breakfast! Annabelle Neilson and Marissa come to Julie’s room to discuss her beef with Caroline the night before. Julie admits she has “HSP” – Highly Sensitive Personality (disorder?) – so she takes Caroline’s joking too personally at times. Annabelle comments that sometimes the English pretend they don’t have any feelings at all. But since Caroline genuinely apologized, all should be well. Right? Not so fast. In her room, Caroline is on the phone, incredulous about Julie’s outburst the night before, and is not sincerely apologetic at all. Between Julie and Juliet, the Americans’ delicate sensibilities and perceived micro-aggressions toward them have simply become too much for Caroline to deal with at the moment. “I actually find the whole thing really, really pathetic,” she sighs.

Juliet re-visits the dinner party room to assess the damage and, when Caroline S and Sophie enter, she pretends like everything is fresh-and-fruity, rootie-tootie. <fake smile!> Caroline S is not having this turnabout with no explanation, however, and sips her coffee warily while Juliet – and now Julie – blame the entire night’s shenanigans on alcohol. Caroline can’t take the fakery anymore and rips into Julie first, schooling her on the correct level of crying when one feels insulted about their yoga skills: which is none. There is no crying in yoga! Caroline snaps that she’s actually not sorry about her comment to Julie after all, and hereby retracts her apology. Annabelle calls this a really ungracious moment. I have to agree. 

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The next day, with New Year’s well behind them, Caroline S and Caroline F head out for some dog-walking and debriefing over the fallout from Juliet’s party. Apparently, Juliet is constantly calling Caroline S, trying to kiss and make up, but Caroline is not ready to fall back into Juliet’s ring of ire anytime soon. They are distracted from more Juliet smack talk by a photo Caroline S pulls up on her phone of Marissa posing in the Sunday Times with an enormous hot-dog across her mouth, apparently promoting her new restaurant, Top Dog. They snort with laughter over the novelty act that Marissa is putting on, which Caroline S says will surely wear off in time. 

Someone who is buying Marissa’s act right now is Julie, however, who’s impressed with Marissa’s hustle. And her gigantic hot dog photo. Annabelle calls Marissa the “queen of PR,” noting she knows exactly what she’s doing. For her part, Julie sees Marissa as someone who knows how to play this game. And she wants a bite of that wiener. 

At Marissa’s house, she is on Day Two of her hangover. She and her husband, Matt, take the nanny-prepped kids out for a walk where they pick up a copy of Marissa’s Sunday Times debut. The kids are quickly forgotten in their parents’ sidewalk celebration of Mummy’s success. Matt calls the PR move “brilliant” while Marissa dreams of her very own big girl venture into the world of restaurateurs.  

Over at the Gift Library, Caroline S is seeing the writing on the wall about the doomed fate of her business. She works all of the time with nothing to show for it and feels as if she’s missing out on her children’s lives for nothing. The best scenario is that a management team help her through this; the worst scenario is that she loses everything. 

Meanwhile, Juliet and Gregor are taking in a tennis lesson from a very patient tennis pro. Juliet misses Gregor since he’s been traveling so much this year. She asks him is he’s okay after his unicorn-humping incident, and Gregor laughs it off. “Yeah, I’m probably safe,” he jokes. Obviously the more wounded party, Juliet wants to keep the drama going by harping on the fact that Caroline owes her many apologies for her behavior. “But as long as you’re okay…” Juliet baits Gregor, who good-naturedly retorts that “recovery make take a few weeks, but yeah” he’s okay. Obviously, Gregor’s seen Juliet on this sort of emotional ledge before. And he’s just the guy to talk her off of it. But, will she listen?

At Caroline S‘s home, she’s feeding dinner to her adorable boys. She loves being with her kids, but needs a romantic night out with her husband, Cem, who she doesn’t see enough between work and travel. At the restaurant, they discuss New Year’s, which Cem thinks has been overblown. He’s sure that she and Juliet will sort it out, though. But Caroline is not sure, having threatened to “wipe the floor” with Juliet if she continues harping on this. Conversation turns to Caroline’s work, which Caroline admits is weighing on her. Cem says she’s lost her personal momentum in her business, but whatever she decides to do with the Gift Library, it will be alright. Because they are multi-millionaires.

Over at the Baroness’s home, Caroline F is overseeing the packing her nanny is doing for an upcoming trip to Denmark. She flies there often, but has made London her home so as to escape the Danish paparazzi, and because her children’s father is there. She loves going home to Denmark though because it’s a place where she “lands” – as in, feels truly at home. Caroline’s grandmother, a integral part of her life, also spells home for her. On her visit to her grandmother’s, Caroline looks through old photos, commenting on the intense bond they share. Having lost her mother when she was eleven, Caroline notes that her grandmother was also rocked to the core over losing her daughter (Caroline’s mother).

They chat about old times, how much Caroline’s mother would have adored her grand kids, and how in love Caroline’s parents were. Her mother was not from an aristocratic background, much to Caroline’s father’s parents’ chagrin (did we get all that?), so she knows they married for love. Ah! Is that why the Baroness is so charmingly grounded, then? Caroline’s grandmother confesses she thinks of her daughter every evening before bed, then Caroline and she hug in a tender moment. (Let’s have more of these sweet scenes, please!)

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Back in London, Julie is meeting Annabelle and Juliet for lunch. Julie admits Caroline S terrifies her, so she can’t manage to stand up for herself. It’s okay for Caroline to put people down, but she can’t take any heat herself, says Julie. “Yeah, Caroline does play the North Korean card a bit,” snarks Annabelle, which is weirdly spot-on, yet again. Juliet pipes up that she’s fine with Caroline being inappropriate in her humor, but sometimes she take it too far. 

Julie brings up the fact that Caroline S said she was going to “wipe the floor with Juliet and Gregor” if they carried on with this business, which Juliet had previously mentioned to Julie in confidence. In confidence, meaning: Do Not Under Any Circumstances Mention This To Annabelle! Juliet is taken aback that Julie just brought up Caroline’s threat, which she’d rather sweep under the rug to keep the peace (with Caroline) than discuss at large with Annabelle, i.e.: other members of the perceived London “It” crowd. Julie is shocked that Juliet is backtracking now, but Annabelle is not surprised that Juliet is playing the safe game by remaining Queen Bee Caroline’s Obedient Pawn. 

“It’s almost like you’re afraid of Caroline,” says Julie to Juliet. Which Juliet denies. But, really, who does Juliet think she’s fooling here? Besides herself.  

TELL US: WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE FALLOUT FROM CAROLINE’S UNICORN ANTICS? IS JULIE AFRAID OF CAROLINE? 

Photo Credit: Bravo