Is it just plain naive to think that one couple on the train wreck of 90 Day Fiance could really, truly make it? Because I want that for Evelyn and David, young lovebirds who seem smitten with one another, are (somewhat) age-appropriately matched, and who share core values. Alas, the TLC machine might chew them up and spit them out by the end of season five, but until then, letâs pretend they are the real deal, okay? We need this!
In addition to Evelyn and David being introduced this week, we revisit the absolute sh*tshow of everyone elseâs relationships. Nicole holds her daughter hostage goes to Morocco to further torture Azan, the other David (in Thailand) tries in vain to come up with enough scratch to pay for his bride, Annie. And Molly continues to delude herself into thinking that her much-younger fiance, Luis, is the love of her life â despite her eldest daughterâs protestations, not to mention her fatherâs warnings.
In Florida, Nicole is waking her 2 1/2-year old daughter, May, up for their flight to Morocco. Azan hasnât been picking up Nicoleâs calls lately, so sheâs scared his feelings might have cooled. May has never been out of the state, let alone the country, and Nicole sees this trip as an opportunity to show what a grown up, responsible mother she is! As evidence of this, Nicole screams at her mother for forgetting Mayâs diapers, then complains that packing for a child is too haaaaarrrrrd! on the way to the airport.
Nicoleâs mom looks ready to drop Nicole at the local psych ward, get temporary guardianship of May, and drive home. (And I fully support this plan â in fact, can we start a petition?!) But instead, she reminds Nicole that she needs to GROW THE EFF UP and be ready to take care of that precious little girl for the next two months in a foreign country!
âMom, Iâm her mom,â whines the ever-petulant Nicole, who thinks her mother is just overly-dramatic. This is rich coming from a girl who slams her boyfriend against vans if he doesnât let her grope him in the streets. Nicoleâs mom also wonders if Azan will be less than jazzed to see that Nicole has gained weight, considering she promised that sheâd be âhealthierâ by the next time she saw him? Oh, damn. Azanâs initial comment that âsheâs big a little bitâ might be amended to âa lot a bitâ soon. (Also, did anyone send word to that camel that Nicole is on her way back to his neck of the woods?) Yikes.
At the airport, Nicoleâs mom sobs as she waves goodbye to May, feeling like her heart is being ripped from her chest. My god, this is actually brutal to watch as a viewer! I cannot imagine the horror this woman is feeling. Though she must ask herself daily how she raised this immature woman-child, and what can she do now to fix whatâs obviously broken in Nicole? Itâs just too pathetic and tragic. âIâve just got a bad feeling about this,â she says through tears. âIâm a little bit scared.â We are too, mama. We are too.
In Connecticut, we meet 18-year old Evelyn, her parents, and her younger brother, Solomon, devout Christians who perform in a band together. Alrighty, then! Evelyn loves her family and her music, describing herself as a singer/songwriter whoâs striking out on her own as a musician. Though she gets a lot of male attention on social media, she was never really interested until David came along. âIt changed my life forever,â Evelyn says of meeting David online.
Twenty-seven year old David, who lives in Grenada, Spain, shares Evelynâs conservative religious values, agreeing to wait until marriage to sleep together. He proposed to her on a trip Evelyn took to Spain, much to the shock of Evelynâs family. But she claims it was love at first sight, and that David â the first man sheâs ever said âI love youâ to â is the one.
If his K-1 Visa is approved, David will come to the U.S. soon to begin the 90-day process. While in CT, heâll be living with Evelynâs pastor â a situation he seems strangely fine with. (!?!?!) Evelynâs parents are happy about their daughter finding the spouse they âprayed for,â but are weirdly more concerned that heâs not musical. How is he supposed to join the family band? they wonder. Even Solomon is freaked out. It comes down to this: If Evelyn leaves the band, theyâre all essentially screwed. Thus, David is the Yoko Ono of this here quartet.
In Georgia, Molly meets her mother, Becky, for lunch to discuss her engagement to 26-year old Luis. Molly eldest daughter, Olivia, is not on board with the situation, so Molly wants to get mom on her side. But she doesnât have to do much prodding; Becky is already 100% supportive, even though her daughter is moving a bit too fast. Ultimately, she supports Molly and wants her to be happy, but wonders how Luis will fit into their lives. She also understands Oliviaâs reservations about âsharingâ her mom with a virtual stranger. Itâs only natural.
Unlike Becky, Mollyâs father is on #TeamOlivia. He thinks Luis is using Molly for a green card, plain and simple. Becky doesnât think Luisâs intentions are bad, and furthermore thinks Mollyâs father is a bigot who doesnât want his daughter marrying someone from a different race/culture. OrâŠmaybe heâs just a rational father whoâs freaked out by a 26-year old bartender marrying his middle-aged daughter after only knowing her for TWO MONTHS? Just a thought.
Press pause on Mollyâs mess, because we must move on to the next dumpster fire at hand! In Thailand, David takes Annie on a boat ride to go shop for gold. Buying gold for oneâs future bride is a significant part of the engagement in Annieâs culture, as it signifies that the groom can âprovide.â But wait â we already know that David canât even afford $1,500 for the bargain-basement dowry that might be required of him, so I assume a robbery is about to take place at this store, noâŠ? Call the Thai po-po! (Or Davidâs friend, Chris, who apparently funds his sad little life.)
At the jewelry shop, David pretends like he can afford 11 Baht (approximately $6,800) worth of gold bracelets and rings and necklaces before turning to Annie and stupidly complaining, âWow, thatâs a lot!â Annieâs face says, I will marry someone in the bar next door in less than sixty seconds if you canât come up with this cash, old foreigner! But she doesnât scream at him in public (yet), instead agreeing to accept a smaller gift now, and âbuildâ to a bigger amount of gold later. Um, if later means NEVER, then okay â good plan!
âI just hope my parents are okay with this,â Annie warns. What she doesnât know is that David can barely afford a new shirt on clearance at Kohlâs, let alone almost $7K of gold jewelry. Sigh. Looks like heâll be sending up the Baht Signal for Chris to help out again STAT.
On the boat ride home, Annie really lets him have it, though. Sheâs all, Why are you so OLD, yet have NO money?! David just complains about his past woes, his divorce, yadda, yadda, yadda. But Annie is not interested in these excuses. âYou think most Americans have money. Thatâs not true!â defends David, who may want to rethink his approach here. Annie is not interested in your broke Kentucky a$$, dude. But sheâs willing to hang in there for now, it seems. Oh, lord. To predict exactly how this situation will play out, please see Anfisa and Jorge, season 4. These two are destined for a similar fate (hopefully without keyed cars and physical assaults and porn â allegedly).
But letâs leave Depressing David in Thailand for now. While the younger David is getting ready for his K-1 Visa interview in Spain, Evelyn meets her friend, Mikayla, for coffee. Evelyn says sheâs known Mikayla âsince high school,â which means since, like, yesterday? We are dealing with 18-year olds here. Mikayla is the type of friend everyone on 90 Day Fiance needs in their lives, but also the kind none of them will listen to. Bottom line: She thinks Evelyn is INSANE for rushing into marriage with a man from across the planet, and she wonders how the hell they plan to live together if David canât even work when he gets here?
But Evelyn just writes off Mikayla as a person who âhasnât liked any of her boyfriends,â i.e.: a hater. âAll we need is love,â dreamily sighs young, sweet, short-sighted Evelyn. âIâm sorry, but you canât live on love,â snarks Mikayla, who wants her friend to be happy, but maybe not marry a man she only spent two weeks with. Mikayla wonders why they just canât wait another few years to commit to marriage. After all, heâs older than Evelyn and probably feels ready. Evelyn is only 18, but says her family is supportive of getting married young. So, Evelynâs like, BYE MIKAYLA! Go fall in love with some random online stalker, yourself!
OMG, you guys, breaking news â Nicole has survived the flight to Morocco! And thank the heavens, so has poor little May. Nicole is ready to run into Azanâs arms again, but so far, she canât even get a hold of him. Oh wait â heâs there after all! And he has glasses. His marching orders are clear: Treat Nicole well, as sheâs explicitly instructed, or else. The underwhelmed Azan seems ready to complete his mission, despite seeing Nicoleâs noticeably, um, unhealthier frame.
Azanâs real joy comes from greeting May, who dutifully calls him âdaddyâ right away. This is so many levels of wrong, we donât even have time to go into it here, but I will just say this to Nicole for training her 2-year old to call someone âdaddyâ as a manipulation tool: You, my dear, are an idiot. And while Iâm at it, so are you, Azan, for being complicit in this dysfunctional dynamic. SLOW YOUR ROLL, PEOPLE! Give the kid a fighting chance at adjusting properly.
But the real child here is Nicole, lest we forget. To this point, she actually gets jealous that Azan is showing May â the 2-year old who has been ripped from her home and family â more affection than her at the airport. And the fact that she openly admits this leaves me speechless. Okay, I just need to walk away from my laptop for a sec to do some deep breathingâŠ
Alright. Iâm back! But seriously, you guys, are we supposed to watch this nightmare and not want to jump through our TV screens to SAVE THIS CHILD? I can hardly take it!!! Please let Nicoleâs workout at the gym next week demoralize her so badly that she books the next flight home. This sh*t is too much to emotionally handle.
Next, we get a break from Morocco as cameras watch Evelyn waiting in CT for news from David. Will his visa be approved? Will they have to wait another several months? Evelynâs mom, Jacalyn, is shocked to hear that statistically, 7 out of 10 people applying for K-1 Visas are committing fraud, so the process could be stalled due to meticulous paperwork rules.
Hey, Jacalyn! Maybe you should take a peek at 90DF seasons 1-4, plus the after-shows, plus Before the 90 Days, then get back to us again about that strange feeling of âshockâ youâre experiencing. Or better yet, google âDanielle Mullinsâ plus âYOU FRAUDED ME!â Then back very far away from your screen to behold the amazing spectacle before you. Youâre welcome. đ
Suddenly, David calls Evelyn to tell her the good news. âBaby, I have the visa!â he cheers. Heâll be coming to the U.S. in fourteen days. Evelyn and Jacalyn are thrilled â even if Mikayla is not.
Someone else who isnât thrilled about forthcoming engagements is Mollyâs father, Phillip. Mollyâs brother, Jess, has been brought along for moral support, and for his amazing cowboy hat and Weird Al Yankovic attire. Jess also lives with Molly and likes to say rock and roll! a lot. He is, apparently, tonightâs voice of reason.
When the group sits down to dinner, Phillip gets right to the point. He doesnât like the idea of Luis coming to swindle his daughter into marriage, nor does he think Luis needs to be sleeping in Mollyâs bed with her daughters living in the house. âOther than you, what other reason does he want to come here for?â asks Phillip, who thinks men from the DR may be using marriage as a pathway to legal U.S. citizenship, rather than a path to true love.
Molly doesnât agree, reminding her father that itâs tough to get a K-1 Visa, so itâs no cake walk for either of them. Phillip wants Molly to be happy, and concedes that sheâll marry Luis no matter what anyone says â but he does predict more therapy in Mollyâs future, so she better start researching new counselors now! Because this situation has sketchy written ALL over it.
TELL US: IS EVELYN TOO YOUNG TO MARRY DAVID, OR DO THEY HAVE A FIGHTING CHANCE? IS MOLLY DELUDING HERSELF ABOUT LUIS? WILL ANNIE LEAVE DAVID BECAUSE HEâS BROKE? IS NICOLE THE MOST RIDICULOUS HUMAN BEING YOUâVE EVER SEEN (SINCE DANIELLE)?Â
Photo Credit: TLC